Dd "fat shaming" me.

[Dancingfairy]

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

I was getting out of the shower the other morning when my 4 year old said " wow, you have a really big bum"

I said that he was absolutely right, but that he didn't have to tell me as I already knew that. We then a conversation about what you can say and what you can't.

16 is obese, just because it's average doesn't make it right

it is normal, and then you say as a parent: "That was not a nice thing to say, you should not comment on ow people look unless it is to say something nice"

LOL at a 6yr old "fat shaming" someone though

I second kungfooerics post.

Dd (5) said to dh ‘ daddy you have a fat belly like pepper pigs dad’ . He did have. For years I’ve been asking him to lose weight and he has just lost 1.5 stone. I do think it was dds comments that have him a kick up the arse.

I think we owe it to our kids to try and stay in a healthy BMI.

I don’t think it’s rude. I also don’t think it would be appropriate to tell her off, call her a madam etc. When my dd talked about my belly at this sort of age, I told her we all come in different shapes and sizes. That I’d had a baby in mine and it was a bit wobbly. I also explained some people don’t like being asked questions like “why are you fat/thin”.

We as a society continue to make judgments about people by their weight and as much as possible, it is best to desensitise the word fat especially as dd was called fat at school a couple of times when she was younger and a bit overweight. The more children think it’s such an awful, taboo thing to be called, the more name calling will hurt. And calling a very thin person skinny/thin can be equally upsetting for the person. Society just doesn’t seem to understand that as well.

6'5'' and size 16 is quite large. 16 might be the average but taking vanity sizing into account I would say quite overweight.

Your 6 year old was just talking about what she sees.

I'm 8 stone and my 5 year old has asked me why I have a big bum, bigger than his.

I wouldn't read too much into it.

She hasn't fat shamed you. She is 6 ffs. She is using normal language to provoke a reaction from you. In the same way that my 6 year old sometimes calls me poo poo head. Your just sensitive to your weight. When my kids tell me I'm fat (which they do sometimes), I tell them it's not nice to comment on someone's appearance. It's no big deal.

5'2 sorry

My dcs started commenting on body size around this age - they'd been taught about being fat at school and healthy eating - we just had a chat about it. Commenting on someone's physical appearance is generally not a good idea.

I don't think a 6 year old is aware of fat shaming but she hasn't been taught not to make comments about someone's physical appearance so that needs addressing. I'm also 5'2 and at my heaviest was a size 14, I reckon another half stone would have made me need size 16's and that would have put me in the obese category.

Doesn't make it right? So now it's wrong to be a size 16? And pp actually said morbidly obese.

She sounds like a very, unpleasant little girl

Well at leasr she's only six, you're a grown woman on line saying horrible things about a child. What's your excuse?

Op, yes, it's fairly normal at this age to start noticing bodies and to comment. Unless you explain to her how it makes you feel and others feel, then she is not to know. It's not something you're born knowing.

As for the obese thing, yes you may be, you may not be, you need to do the Bmi calculation and see if you're Bmi is 30 or over.

I'm sorry, but size 16 at five foot two is probably very overweight, and this may be why she is commenting. Either she's seen it on tv, or a friend has commented.

Talk to her gently and try not to let your own sensitivities get in the way.

I've already said I'm overweight. It's not that I'm "sensitive" it's that it was said in a shop loudly in front of people. Ofcourse that's embarrassing.

It's normal. But it's rude.
Time for the talk about being nice, not pointing and being polite. Mine is 5 and came out with this about 6 months ago. Coincided with someone we know becoming noticeably pregnant, so she wanted to know if I had a baby in there etc. They're still learning. She'd never commented on people's appearance before so there was no need to tell her not to before.
On the plus side, at least she said it to you and not a stranger!

I don't understand why this is "hurtful". Surely you already know if your belly is fat or if it isn't?
If it is, then the answer to DD's question could be something like: "Because I ate too many cakes"; or, if you want to get scientific, "Because I consumed more calories than I needed to use immediately so my body stored the excess as fat so I can use it for energy later on"...

So basically she was rude to you and you did nothing, and wondered if it was normal?

I think your boundaries are way out, to be honest

Kids tend to say what they see, they need to learn that sometimes it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself as it can be hurtful, you can teach her this by telling her that it’s rude and upsetting. Explain to her that people come in different shapes and sizes and it’s rude to comment on people’s boddies.

You're saying it like you have no control over what she says. That's what I don't understand.

The thing is because of vanity sizing you have to ignore dress size.
Go on height & weight. What's your BMI?

It's not that I'm "sensitive" it's that it was said in a shop loudly in front of people. Ofcourse that's embarrassing.
Did you think the people in the shop were unaware that you are overweight before your DD mentioned it?

Kids of that age - and younger will often tell it like it is.
Are you fat op?
The size of your clothes isn't the only thing here:
You could be a tall size 16 and carry it well, you could be a size 16 and super fit or you could be a size 16 and look over weight, untoned and unfit. Only you know which sort of category you fall into.
Have a word with her about making comments that are hurtful, but well done on thinking about losing weight/getting fit.

Doesn't make what right? It was a wake up call for me to realise that I was getting towards the obese category - it does impact on health so I've lost some weight and will try to continue to do to get into the healthy weight end of BMI. It isn't right to make personal comments about other peoples appearance though. I suspect from what you have said up thread she may have picked it up from Peppa Pig if she likes watching it.

Bluntless.

She deliberately did something in public to humiliate her mother. Of course it was unpleasant.

Bloody he'll, I hope the majority of the general publics expectations for their kids ability to show kindness and respect towards others are some of the posters on this thread 🤔🤷‍♀️

She is six fgs, she is not fat-shaming you and nor is she a little madam. You had the opurtunity to explain but instead you were rude and told her to shush and haven't mentioned it since, that is what I find odd. Maybe try actually listening to her and answering her questions, then teach her what you want her to know. Why is that so hard?

I’m a size 10/12 and have a wobbly belly, my kids have commented in the past (when they were younger) and I explained that my belly carried them, it got stretched a little so is now a bit wobbly.

16 is considered obese sadly, I wouldn’t call it average (and if it now is average it shouldn’t be), I’m lucky that I have never been a 16 and probably never will be.