Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

[smallishi]

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

I'd wave, shout cheerily 'good morning/afternoon' smile and be on my way.
He wants you to look away and leave you feeling awful.

You could shout out odfod at him instead of good morning. He won't know what it means but you will :)

“Good morning.... that bald spot’s getting bigger by the day isn’t it? Never mind”

Huge smile and shout in a super friendly tone "hiya Bob, how are you doing? Any holiday plans? Must dash... see you later"

They do it because they can see it bothers you.

I agree with thr others. Smile, say good morning, little grin, move on. Don't be giving them then finger or blowing kisses, just basically act like you hardly even notice them. If it doesn't look like it bothers you, they will feel like the twats they are doing it with no reaction.

Another vote for big cheerful smiles. People like this want you to be either afraid, angry or desperate to make up. Cheerful indifference really boils their piss, which is why it's the best thing to do. If they are unhinged enough to try more active methods of intimidation then you can maybe have a word with 101 or whatever.

Actually, you could smile and wave and blow kisses....or you could do a full on silent film scream and hand wave of horror, and pretend to go into fits of terror in the kitchen. Every now and then glance back at him as if you're terrified he might still be there, and when he is, pretend to scream again and run around like you're in a slasher film.

The more I think about it, the more I think that's better.

As others have said, the wide cheerful smile and a friendly “Hi there!” should work very well! It gives you the upper hand.😉

I'd dance at him - really big arms in the air shimmying, with a slightly demented smile on by face & perhaps some eyebrow raising, every, single, time. That should do it (I'd really enjoy that - but I am shameless). What a bellend. The smile and wave would work too but be a lot less fun

Get a T-shirt with 'Fuck of twat' printed on the front and back

Oooh i am liking yoricks idea as well

I would go for smile and hello in public and serial killer in private

(Actually i think thats good advice for everything)

Yorick wins

Have a window blind with a big eye painted on the outside down and facing your neighbour.

Thank you for the replies.

I realise this makes me sound meek and scared but I cannot smile at them and say Hello. I just couldn't do that. When they stare at me my stomach is in knots and I physically shake. I need to overcome how this is making me feel before I can respond to them. I want to understand their mentality. Why create enemies? Who wants enemies in this world?! I can't for the life of me understand why they would put their energy into doing this. What's in it for them??

I don't let them see this, I keep my head down and avoid them completely where possible.

They are spoiling for a reaction or a big show down/shouting match. The wife in particular cannot control/conceal her anger and has shouted at me a couple of times when the planning permission situation was going on.

I’d laugh. Every time. Just look and laugh. Or I’d have the change the ringtone screen on and take a ‘call’. No, I’m not doing much, just outside enjoying the garden. Pause. Yes, he is. Pause. Yes, he’s doing it again. Pause. Yes, I think you could be right. It does seem like little man syndrome.

Blow him a kiss next time he stares at you. Or say very loudly, 'I'm not interested in you, please leave me alone!'

Look the husband up and down and laugh when he does it. First an initial little snort, and then more as he inevitably gets more and more ridiculous in his attempts to glare you into submission. Ideally it should look like you're trying to hold your laughter in but you just can't contain it.

Yorick's idea for sure!!

OP, from your reaction, it sounds like they know they are getting to you and that is why they continue doing it.

What does your dh do and do they do it to him too?

What happens when both you and dh are in your drive at the same time?

The other advantage to that is that it might defuse OP's own feelings of intimidation at the same time.

Basically be this person: gph.is/1nBgvPt

How about a water gun - give him a squirt in the groin area each time you see him.

Ah OP, you sound like you may have anxiety and even if you haven't, people intimidate for a reason - it works and it's not usually that difficult. Most of us are nice people who go about our daily lives without any malice towards others and we get thrown off guard when someone is unnecessarily nasty to us.

He cannot hurt you. He cannot even make you feel bad if you don't let him. I still think you should do the silent movie scream queen thing, but if that's too much then the best thing to do is just ignore and draw his sting that way. Act like nothing is amiss because to be honest, it isn't. If he has a legitimate concern he can go through the right channels. As it is, he knows he hasn't got a leg to stand on and all he can do is, well, look at you.

He's an idiot. Please do not allow your life to be ruled by an idiot.

Move house.

They know we won't get angry as we haven't shown any anger throughout the time we've known them.

He thinks he is making me feel afraid, which is so laughable. I think he is an idiot and I would love to tell him exactly what I think of him but I never will because it would make this situation much bigger than it is.

Yet I feel real anxiety over this. Why?! I can't believe these idiots are making me feel anxious.

DH is rarely here as he works abroad for much of the time. When he is here, no they don't ever stare at him. DH is a far larger/taller man than the neighbour and I couldn't see him trying to psyche DH out with a stare.