Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

[smallishi]

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

I've had similar, although they blanked us completely, and their dch sneered at us, which was a shame as I'd always liked their little boy. Heaven knows what they told their dch about us . Anyway, in your shoes I'd try to appear busy thinking thinking something/doing something and give an absent-minded "Hi" and then turn away and ignore them.

How bloody pathetic so childish, I’d shout morning, great to see happy faces have a lovely day

Are you sure it’s not just your imagination that he’s staring you down? I’m not sure why neighbours who object to other people doing work on their home are surprised when the neighbours then take a dislike to them. In your mind you are justified (and you may well be) but in theirs you have created them stress and agro and you have cost them money. You’ve pissed them off, why do you expect to be civil?? I know I wouldn’t want to make small talk with a neighbour like you.

I'd speak whilst smiling broadly - "Hello, how are you? Lovely day, isn't it?" etc.

Ignoring people is made very hard and uncomfortable for the ignorer if you ask them questions. We're all programmed to reply.

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Every time you leave the house and they are outside take your mobile phone and film them staring at you - even from the car.

Take this film to the police and ask them to have a word about their intimidating behaviour and your concerns when it is with your children with you.

If you are too nervous to film with your phone - get a cheap camera set up from an upstairs window that shows when you walk outside what they are doing and the download video and share with police.

If it was me, I would say something along the lines of, "Golly, what is that you find so interesting that you need to stare at my underage children?"

I have neighbours a bit like this. No issue I know of with them though, they just stare through me and try to ignore me even though they live next door and we see one another frequently. They don't try to intimidate me (at least I don't think that's what they're doing!) I think they are just rude snobs. So what I do is every time I see them I go "good morning!" Or "hi there!" In a cheery voice with a smile on my face. It wrong-foots them and I can see they don't know how to handle it and makes them the ones who are uncomfortable.

Killing them with kindness is the best way and keeps you in control of the situation.

Get your phone out and be taking a call every time you see them. Very loudly:

‘Yes please, full body massage’
‘The tasting menu please. For 8 people’
‘Oh yes we will probably do Canada again for skiing as soon as we possibly can’

And a massive smile and wave to your neighbour every time

Get your phone out and be taking a call every time you see them. Very loudly

Or what about "yes, yes, I know it'll be expensive but we REALLY want the integrated sound system to go with the outdoor pool. The builder has said the extension will take about a year....yeah, the jacuzzis being delivered soon. Well, they're saying the planning permission could take a few months but uncle Jack is on the committee and says it won't be a problem. Yah, yah..." etc.

They'll be frothing and fretting waiting for the upcoming (imagined) proposals

I reckon there’s more to the story here that you’ve mentioned?

I went through a glaring stage with my neighbour however he’s a nasty nasty, abusive bully and unfortunately I had to rise to this amongst other things to keep the arsehole in his place.

Big jolly smile and HEELLOOOO / LOVELY weather / Isn’t this rain AWFUL / I’m just taking this bag to Oxfam - brilliant they are open again isn’t it…

Be super friendly in the manner of a 72 year old girl guide leader dealing with stroppy teens. It will make you feel much better as as they are behaving like 13 year olds it’s appropriate

Zombie

Rename your house Winners house, and get a massive sign for them to look at.

at their request - they asked us never to contact them again)

they cn ask and you can deny...

just say, this is really not how I want to behave so im going to start saying hello and wave

if they repeat the above - its a free country and thats not how I want to conduct myself - simple

so if you choose to ignore thats your choice but im going got say good day

Given that the thread is now three years old I think we can assume the situation resolved itself one way or another ...

While I would happily tell them to fuck off (I would find it far easier to do this than to smile and wave), I think this is exactly what they want from me and they would then report me to the police

If you could take someone to court for telling you to "f*K" off the courts would be clogged for a hundred years ahead. And the police would never solve a single crime! To make a harassment charge stick you need firm evidence (video/witness etc) that the other has repeatedly done something which most people would find upsetting or abusive. He said/she said does not cut it for a court. To many people "f*k" is simply an everyday word that they use.

I’d be tempted by a big smile, a cheery wave and a very loud “GOOD MORNING”.

Yes, big wave, " Morning! Lovely day isn't it" and a big smile.Kill them with kindness!

Just smile and wave.

Puts you on the moral high ground and should make them feel petty and foolish. Worked for us.

"You can stare all you want Bob but I'm not getting my "puppies" out for you no matter how much you want me to!"

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache

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Hahaha, I thought for a moment that you had posted the pic as the way the OP should smile at her neighbours, took me a second to realise it was a ZOMBIE pic!

Sooo appropriate, thanks for the chuckle😆