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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

347 replies

smallishi · 08/02/2018 10:06

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

OP posts:
Ohforfoxsakereturns · 08/02/2018 10:20

There’s nothing to gain by engaging at their level.

Be a grown up, set an example to your children.

Will annoy the neighbours instensly.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 08/02/2018 10:21

What a tit. I'd just burst out laughing and ask him what his fuckin' problem is.

Stand up to the pair of knobheads.

Birdsgottafly · 08/02/2018 10:21

I told my NDN to "grow the fuck up", and say things like " does your wife know that you are so fascinated by me" and quite a few childish things, but manly laugh in their faces and call them jokes.

Or I've been able to completely ignore them and laugh about them in my head.

If you can't do the latter, I'd have it out with them.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 10:21

Smile and wave enthusiastically. They'll soon stop.

Don't let them know its getting to you, they'll have "won" in their minds.

They seriously need to grow up.

desertmum · 08/02/2018 10:23

The smile and wave with a cheery 'morning' is definitely the way to go. They will stop with the ridiculousness within about 24 hours. Do report back and let us know how you get on.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 08/02/2018 10:23

He sounds an absolute arse trying to intimidate a woman.

Does he do it to your DP?

mari652 · 08/02/2018 10:24

Eeek - you've described my neighbour, or rather my late neighbour. Similar situation ( building work is the next thing to inheritance for bringing out the worst in people) He was also one of those who thinks he had sole rights to parking on the public road outside our houses. Twerp. I said to my husband after one unprovoked (and ignored by me) glaring incident last year ' God, I wish he'd just go away or die'. And he had a sudden heart attack and now my husband thinks I'm a witch - in a good way.

Nacknick · 08/02/2018 10:25

Why do you mention that he's short and balding? Was that necessary for your post?

WannaBeAWarhol · 08/02/2018 10:26

"I've noticed you're always staring at me, I don't really like you like that sorry."

DriggleDraggle · 08/02/2018 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatharinaRosalie · 08/02/2018 10:30

Cheery smiles are the way to go. If this for some reason escalates, you don't want them to be able to show you were aggressive and rude. They can't really make a complaint that neighbour smiled and said hello.

idontlikealdi · 08/02/2018 10:31

I'd smile and carry on - will piss him right off.

GottadoitGottadoit · 08/02/2018 10:31

You could try filming him?

But smile and wave more effective than the finger I think.

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 10:31

Why do you mention that he's short and balding? Was that necessary for your post?
Yes, it was.

OP, I would smile, wave and bellow a very friendly, but very loud, GOOD MORNING/ DAY/ EVENING.

MsWanaBanana · 08/02/2018 10:33

Nacknick what a stupid comment
OP agree with others, kill them with kindness! They’ll soon back off

CheeseyToast · 08/02/2018 10:35

Oh this is too sad! What ghastly lives they must have to fixate on you about a teeny window. Life is wasted on those people.

Valerrie · 08/02/2018 10:36

I wouldn't do a smile, I'd blow him a kiss. Trust me, that really freaks people out and has a much better impact than just a smile.

Monkeypuzzle32 · 08/02/2018 10:39

What a pair of idiots! As everyone else is saying I think you have to either say 'morning!' Loudly when you see them and keep walking , or literally pretend they aren't there-to do this properly it's different to ignoring, you have to look through them -it will drive them mad!

blueshoes · 08/02/2018 10:39

The fact that the neighbour is short and balding is not relevant to the post and distracts from the main issue. Made me feel a little less sympathetic to the OP.

Zaphodsotherhead · 08/02/2018 10:40

Ooh, I'd go for the single raised eyebrow...just stare back, raise one eyebrow (a la Mr Spock). If you really want to freak him out, just say, in a very quiet voice 'I know what you did.'

It's great for totally shitting people up!

Alwayslumpyporridge · 08/02/2018 10:40

I agree with all the others, a super bright cheery morning, good evening etc but I would throw in a random comment, such as "Good Morning! I need to buy milk today!" or "Good morning the dog took a shite in the shape of the moon earlier!" but then I am quite childish.

I would enjoy thinking about the random comment of the day, you could make them topical? "Good Morning! Donald Trumps hair seems super fluffy on the news this morning", don't engage in any feedback.

MarsBarsAreShrinking · 08/02/2018 10:41

@Valerrie - I'd go one slightly better and lick my lips in a seductive manner first, then blow a kiss!

What a twat he is, trying to intimidate you like that. Don't let him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/02/2018 10:41

My ndn did this because of our one storey extension. We chose not to extend as far out as we were able so as not to upset her and her husband. But it still wasn’t good enough. They objected but as we were completely compliant the objection was not upheld - we didn’t affect their privacy for example. The reason as to why she didn’t want the extension is because she didn’t want to have to spend any money on her house (ie keeping up with the Joneses mentality). They had had a massive 2 storey extension 25 years before we extended. It was pure jealousy.

She used to stand and look at me out of her window. I used to dread going outside the front in case she was there and hated hearing her in the garden. She did get fed up in the end. She died a year and a half ago, which was sad as we did have a good relationship with her until we wanted to improve our house.

Your neighbours didn’t like any kind of challenge, their way is the only way. I hope he does finally get fed up.

Fintress · 08/02/2018 10:41

I would totally ignore the fact they were there, don't let them intimidate you. We had a similar situation a number of years ago. It got pretty bad, the only consolation was we weren't the only neighbours targeted. Unfortunately their house was right next to ours with their kitchen window looking straight into our dining room. We applied to increase the dividing fence by a few inches but they all but took us to court. In the end the council enforcement office (who I knew very well) advised us to plant some really fast growing trees which we did. They couldn't do a thing about it as we kept them trimmed just enough so they couldn't stare in at us.

It got so bad I ended up on beta blockers for anxiety. My daughter who was 3 at the time used to scream blue murder when her hair got washed and I was terrified they would report me to social services, even though I knew that would be a pointless exercise. We eventually had to get the police involved after we started getting vicious anonymous letters made up of cutting out of magazines and newspapers. Hilarious looking back. The sight of the cops leaving our house with the letters in evidence bags was enough to scare them.

One day after a particularly bad storm the wife knocked on my door to ask if she could retrieve their bird feeder which had blown into our back garden. I took great delight in saying no and closing the door. Petty I know but it made me feel good. We eventually chucked it back over their fence.

PoorYorick · 08/02/2018 10:43

Smile and wave. If you can handle it, blow a kiss.

It's the only way to defuse it. Don't be intimidated.

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