Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

[smallishi]

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

@PoorYorick

Actually, you could smile and wave and blow kisses....or you could do a full on silent film scream and hand wave of horror, and pretend to go into fits of terror in the kitchen. Every now and then glance back at him as if you're terrified he might still be there, and when he is, pretend to scream again and run around like you're in a slasher film.

The more I think about it, the more I think that's better.

This is an excellent idea. Taking what a bully is trying to do and exaggerate it to comical proportions is a brilliant technique but it is often hard to think of how to do this.

Another way if someone says something rude, to you in public you can ask them.to repeat it ( it is really important to ask this poiltely and and not in any way aggressively).Sometimes it works to pretend you have trouble hearing them but really politely. particularly cowardly people will stop there and be embarrassed, others .might repeat it . If you can get them to repeat is a few more times it is even better . Then say oh you said '...' and repeat what they said really loudly and slowly so others can hear. then say ' that's good to know , thanks I really didn't know that ' at this point a sarcastic voice can be introduced. Then move on . It works with any insult as you are showing them up for the idiots they are and also showing them you don't care who hears what they said because what they said reflects on them and not on you . This does require courage on your part though and a lack of a need ' not to make a fuss'. Unfortunately most bullies need someone to stand up to them , so a smidgeon of courage is needed to do that. It is not fair but it is true .

Surely they’re doing it because they can see it’s working on you? You call them ‘ridiculous’, and jibe about the male neighbour’s height, but you’re clearly very intimidated by the stares and what you perceive as their wealth and status, so that’s why they keep it up — it is in fact psyching you out?

Zombieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Honestly can’t believe how childish some people are. Ignore ignore ignore. They’re immature idiots, clearly

My inlaws have neighbours like this, MIL did the smiling and hellos thing and now the neighbours pointedly look at the ground whenever their paths cross, a bit like they are bowing. Makes me laugh whenever I see it 🤣

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me

Your subsequent posts have shown very clearly that he has psyched you out to the point that you can't even dismiss him with a cheery smile and wave. If you can't manage that you will just have to blank him.

my solution to this would be a cheery , good morning , lovely day isnt it ? or good morning looks like we are in for rain today , with a little wave for effect . trust me they will soon pack it in when they realise the starings not having any effect ,
when the sniggering starts up a nice big wave and beaming smile at them will do ,
when they know that your onto their game and you are showing them its not working ,they will pack this shit in ,because there will be no point to it ,

@smallishi not TWT so may have already been said ,but it won't have been your objection that meant he had to alter his plans .It will be the planning regulations and no doubt pointed out to him even if you'd not objected .

We are in a similar position and it's unpleasant .But for whatever reason our neighbours have stopped blanking us and now engage .

ZOMBIE from 2018.

Shake your head, laugh at his patheticness and keep your head held him!

Big smile and say hello , every time. They are trying to intimidate you.

brilliant!

They want to intimidate you. He can’t bear that he could I get what he wanted as he wants to be the big man on the street. You can’t change those sort of people and it’s horrible to have them next door. I agree, smile and carry on as though you haven’t noticed. Send them a Christmas card etc. They’ll get bored. Are there other neighbours that you could get to know?

@KatharinaRosalie

ZOMBIE from 2018.

Maybe the nasty neighbours are under the patio by now…

MadMadaMim

Only children are different in their family experience perhaps than someone with siblings but then again not say if someone’s got a much older sibling who is absent for practically all their childhood.
It is possible for only children to have a similar personality as someone with siblings though. Also much more important imo than family structure to how someone’s life turns out is self confidence

A big smile and 'hello Dave' each time.

His name probably isn't Dave but it may discombobulate him.

I’m with the big smile, cheery Hi,

In my experience, giving them a cheery “good morning” makes them look stupid to anyone else who’s around and may irritate them so much that they start avoiding you!

@Blackteadrinker77

Just put a big smile on your face and say hi

Repeat every time they do it and they'll either say hello back or they'll stop staring.

I was going to say this, they will be confused and irritated and will stop staring as they have to work out how to deal with your overly friendly attitude.

If you subsequently decide to sell, you can clearly say you are not in dispute with your neighbours.

bloody zombie, always gets me

@Homeontherangeuk

I know this thread is very old but I'm in the exact same situation now with our ndn... Searched neighbour indimidation & this came up.. OP are you still on Mn? If so how this this pan out?

Start your own thread, nobody will read your post and just answer OP

Big smile and then look past them as though they're not important. Which they're not.

Ah man, I even read all the OP's comments - just didn't spot the date!

They can stuff off @smallishi We objected to our neighbour’s extension plans, not because we were against it per se but because of the position. Funnily enough, within a few weeks, their architect was drawing up new plans 😂 A year later it still isn’t up and we haven’t received more documentation from the council so I wonder if the idea has been shelved.

However, their kids have got louder….maybe he turned up the volume button in retaliation 😆

I realise this is an old thread but…

I love dealing with people like this.

The trick is to make it sound like they spoke to you first. So while he’s standing there staring, shout back a very cheery “yeah, all great here too thanks” with a huge wave and then keep smiling as you move away.

Ideally do it loud enough so his wife can hear it from wherever she is.

It really pisses them off.