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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

347 replies

smallishi · 08/02/2018 10:06

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

OP posts:
rwalker · 09/02/2018 20:36

please please no middle finger or hand gestures they would love a response .Nothing pisses people more than a massive friendly wave or hello when they are trying to be nasty rise above it being nice will seriously piss them off

Imsorrynow · 09/02/2018 20:41

OP - I expect you are too young to remember the Ministry of Funny Walks......

ilovesummer70 · 09/02/2018 20:43

You poor thing, it’s a horrible situation, what nasty people.
You really must take control of the situation or it will continue indefinitely.
Take the good advice on here, walk out with your head held high and give a cheery greeting, it needs to be a bit longer than ‘hello’ to give you time to pass without him responding. Stick to the weather, it’s easy and.....well.....we’re British.
Hello, bit dull this morning. Hello, lovely day. Hello, nice weather for ducks. You get my drift.
Imagine you’re Julia Roberts, Kate Beckinsale or whoever you perceive as a super confident person and just do it.
Your heart may race and your knees might wobble the first few times but, believe me, as you take the power away from this idiot you’ll feel so much stronger.
Please do it and then let us know so that we can pat you on the back.
Bon courage x

FoggyDew17 · 09/02/2018 20:43

What a cowardly little shit he is... won't do it with your other half but tries to stare you down!! Especially when kids are with you! He is exerting power over you through intimidation and that only works if he can in fact intimidate you. Do not respond verbally. If he is staring then hold his gaze for a few seconds and then slowly return your gaze front and center a companies by a very smug slow blink. Do not put your head down. He an have all the money and flash cars he wants but he doesn't have a window staring into your kitchen,remember that. You pissed on his cornflakes and this is his shitty way of trying to make you uncomfortable because (gasp) money can't but everything!!! Keep your head up,walk with a swag and hold his gaze for a few seconds. He's a prick,treat him as such.

FoggyDew17 · 09/02/2018 20:44

*accompanied I meant

iMogster · 09/02/2018 20:48

Sounds like they usually get abusive with people and end up getting what they want. You stood your ground and didn't give in and won the battle of the window. They are letting it eat away at them everyday. From their point of view, you are cheerily getting on with your life and enjoying your private kitchen. Let them seethe! Don't argue, don't middle finger. Ignoring them is annoying them no end!!

ChickenVindaloo2 · 09/02/2018 20:50

I'd just do something bonkers every time eg:

  • dance seductively
  • stick my tongue out and pull a funny face
  • moon him

He'll soon avoid looking at you at all.

MyFavouriteChameleon · 09/02/2018 20:51

Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know
Well he is, isn't he?

Do the DCs notice? If not, I suspect you're partly noticing because of the history with the planning permission issue - he is just an odd man and its not your problem. I'd avoid any sort of rude response, because it may inflame things, and because you probably don't want to teach your children to have slanging matches in the street.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 09/02/2018 20:53

YY to blowing a kiss at him. And a cheeky wave and a wink!

That's what I do to aggressive male drivers! Enrages them! and their tiny cocks

TheDowagerCuntess · 09/02/2018 20:55

They sound obsessed with you - how ridiculous of them, haven't they got anything better to do with their time?

If you switch it around, and think of them as being the silly, pathetic, obsessed-with-you ones, they suddenly become a LOT less intimidating, right?

And then it becomes easier to just give him a bemused look, eye roll / laugh when the silly little man tries to 'stare you down'. I mean, how embarrassing for him!

Findingdotty · 09/02/2018 20:57

Just smile and say hi how are you? Then keep walking.

Crushedgrapesworkforme · 09/02/2018 20:59

Take a photo of them, try and get their faces, and make them into masks for Halloween then go to there place with neighboirhood for trick or treat..

nonfatnofoamlatte · 09/02/2018 21:03

You said you were friendly before the fuss happened? The fuss is over now and best forgotten especially since they got what they wanted minus 1 tiny thing. Why don't you go back to how you treated them in the friendly times. Say a cheery hello, hold your head up and enjoy your life - Life is too short to be upset by this!

Crushedgrapesworkforme · 09/02/2018 21:07

How petty, that would annoy me.... obviously they haven't moved on.... if smiles don't lift dials 😁 flick them the bird, tell them to build a bridge and get over it....
worst case grow a hedge and block them out

cheval · 09/02/2018 21:20

I had similar with neighbour for years, also due to their extension plans - and my noisy dog! When wife had to knock on door several years later, to collect parcel dropped at mine, I just said, isn’t this world bad enough without us being at odds, she agreed that it was all ridiculous and ended up hugging me. So maybe take a parcel in for them! It is so much easier if you have a civil relationship with neighbours. You don’t have to be friends, though.

yerbutnobut · 09/02/2018 22:13

I had a similar thing a few years ago where a school dad kept staring at me, back story with his partner and my sister, literally nothing at all to do with me. One day walking home from school with my DD, he was parked near my street and was staring at us, lots of people around on school run so I shouted over to him that If he continued to stare at my DD I would report him. Funny that I never see him any more!Wink

JaneFoley66 · 09/02/2018 23:05

I agree with killing them with kindness. You be the polite one and show them up. They must be mean to think you would out up with a window looking into your sitting room. I have a neighbour who is difficult too and I just smile and wave. It works in the end, they now wave back. It doesn't mean things are better just tolerable

Ambersmum12 · 09/02/2018 23:31

Similar situation wth female of the couple next door but kept smiling and saying “hi” to no response, took in their Amazon parcels so they had to be polite.

The best part was when she left and asked her to witness the paperwork,! Patience and smiling sweetly prove to be worth it :-)

WidoWanky · 09/02/2018 23:49

Sounds just like my neighbour. 😩

I'd ignore him. He is trying to intimidate and wants a reaction. You suddenly acting in a different way, be it smiling, greeting, flipping him off, whatever it may be is giving him what he wants. So don't.

Seriously, would you engage with a turd? He's just a turd with legs. Leave well alone, ignore and get on with your life.

jcyclops · 10/02/2018 01:25

Perhaps he is extremely short-sighted and is trying to work out who you are. If you think this to yourself when he stares, and tell yourself he is really Mr Magoo then it will cheer you right up.

RenoSusan · 10/02/2018 04:37

Whip out that cell phone and take a pic every time. It freaks them out and they know you have a record with a time and date on it.

Autumnchill · 10/02/2018 04:43

When we moved into our house, our NDN took delight in coming round moving day and telling us they had planning permission to go up to the boundary so we couldn't do our extension that far over. Oh well, never mind, we will adapt.

We tried to be polite but the woman just looks at us as if we are shit on her shoe. Various incidents throughout the build where it didn't matter what we did, she complained. Straw that broke camels back was when she stopped some works whilst I wasn't there and these were weather dependant and needed to release next mortgage stage. I use to say Morning whenever I saw her and rarely got a reply so I did the over exaggerated, 'Morning, what a lovely sunny day' and give her a shit eating grin as I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing how much she was affecting us and ruining our dream of our forever home.

Tables soon turned and she avoids eye contact now although she started complaining when our landscapers were in recently but this time I faced up to her and told her the works weren't going to stop like she demanded.

I can't stand the woman but now I just respectfully ignore her and pretend as if she doesn't exist, which apparently is what all the other neighbours do!

Darkstarrheart · 10/02/2018 06:05

This 'man' is a bully - are your children being affected by this too? If so next time you're out with them and he does it ask him loudly why he is staring at your children that may pull him up a bit even a total shit won't want to be seen as intimidating children.

Regarding their wealth my mil used to say that if people have a lot of expensive things it doesn't necessarily mean they have a lot of money but that they've spent a lot of money!

Good luck- remember he may be a bully but has also proven himself to be a coward xxxx

Mrsbryan1 · 10/02/2018 06:28

Definitely...kill them with kindness 😊😊
You will feel better in yourself than lowering down to their level, even thought the middle finger would be be satisfying

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2018 06:45

I like the general consensus of being overly confident. Can you actually be on the phone (earbuds in you ears, mobile in your hand) for the next few times with someone, who gives you confidence? Be talking about the neighbours if you like. “Oh yes, he’s there again” . Once you’ve practiced this a few times, you can then just pretend to be on the phone.