Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

[smallishi]

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

I had this once. I initially ignored her, I hate confrontation and didn't want to lower myself, but there's only so much staring, nasty comments and general intimidation you can take. I had had enough and perfected a look of "I want to kill you". After a week or so she ended up crying to a neighbour, saying I was victimising HER.

I would stare at a point on his face/head like he’s got something there and then snigger - make him feel self conscious. Keep doing it.

I privately rented for a few years and our neighbors owned next door so always acted like they had superiority over us lowly rental folk. Very friendly at start like you until one day they got drunk apparently our washing line which might I add was there before we took in priory attached to joint fence this after three years living them was annoying them.... seriously some people need to get a life and over themselves. When we left they chopped down firs in garden which they said encroached in their side of fence no problem with that except they threw all the branches on our back garden pathetic and best bit their dog kept escaping pooing on our garden smashed fence which caused far more damage than my wash line ever could. Needless to say don't miss them now we move.

I completely agree with big smile and cheeriness, every time! If they (he sees you uncomfortable, he will only do it more, such a bullying tactic. alternatively if that doesn’t work pay the builder a back hand to cause some serious damage when building their extension!!!

Don't middle finger. That's American. Flick him a good old fashioned British v sign.

Blow a kiss every time, it really puts people on the back foot. I find it makes me laugh and embarrasses people with Road rage too. It will especially freak them out if your DP does the same to the strange little man too!

Again, exceptionally big smile, wave and hello. They are prats, behaving like spoiled children. Planning wouldn't have bothered with changes if these hadn't been seen as reasonable.

Go with being sickly sweet

It's always the best response and it will annoy them cause they can't complain about your behaviour to each other cause you're only being friendly !!

I am thinking of issuing letters to two neighbours who have started up childminding. Deeds prevent any kind of business being run from property and care/childminding commission recommends deeds should be checked for prohibitions. Some folk just think they are entitled to do whatever they like irrespective of affect on others. Do I want a hoard if kids screaming, yelling, bouncing on trampolines all day - no thanks.

And is that happening @manicmij?

I wouldn't do a smile, I'd blow him a kiss.
Or even, give him a kiss, (on the cheek of course)

I had a similar situation every time we would pass in the street I would put a spring in my step and smile to myself. She had a new coat on one day so I said Oh what a lovely coat...I love the colour, wherever did you get it from its gorgeous. She nearly died of shock but we were civil to each other afterwards. I hope you get to grips with your feelings. Keep strong

I’d be curious, “I’ve been wondering what the staring is for? Oh you don’t? Have I got that wrong then? Goodness, I wonder what’s made me think you are staring? You must be right, that’d just be weird wouldn’t it?”

Offer them a photo of your kitchen, as they obviously miss looking in! With a smile, of course 😉

Yes it is, one has even authorisation to mind 12 children! To me that's a bloody nursery.

Playing devils advocate here but I would be interested to know how far your objections to the renovations went before it happened.
The reason I ask is because I have a friend who is having work done on her house has had a dreadful time with her neighbours pre work starting. They objected to everything and were ignoring them and shouting at them despite my friend and her husband wanting to sit down and talk to them nicely and have bent over backwards to make things easier for the neighbours.
Now the work has started my friend can't bear to speak to them as they were so horrid. Just asking........

Even if you can’t manage a smile without feeling daft or feeling you can pull it off. How about just a wave and a loud morning? Then look away and walk/drive off

I havnt read the whole thread but my next door neighbor doesn’t like me - really not sure why but she took to standing on the path with a friend and doing a ridiculous forced laugh when I left for Work in the morning so one morning I looked right at them and said ‘morning ladies, what a beautiful day, I really hope your bitterness doesn’t ruin the sunshine’ and smiled ... theyv never being there since and when I have seen her she has looked at her feet! Sometimes you have to meet their pettiness head on! 💐

Do the double fist bump, double bird (as demonstrated at the end of this clip) to him every time he stares. Be amused and laughter at his teeny tiny life/mind, not intimidated.

I 100% agree with the middle finger route! Or shout HIYA in an overly cheery delightfully passive aggressive manner! Psyche

You don’t have to look at him to respond. Walk past and once your past say ‘good morning dave’.

It just breaks down any misconception that they are effecting you, is nothing they can kick off about and gives you some control back.

I do like the idea of videoing him though. It’s not illegal!

Like ‘not touching, can’t get mad’

Never stoop to that crass level of middle finger, abusive rants as some have suggested but as the others have suggested, wave, be polite and have a big toothy smile. It'll belittle these small minded neighbours. That's key.