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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

347 replies

smallishi · 08/02/2018 10:06

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

OP posts:
Cardiganqueen71 · 10/02/2018 07:30

I had an arsehole like that for a neighbour for ages. Except he was quite frightening. I just carried on smiling and eventually he stopped. Some people are just arses and there isn’t much you can do about it.

Beanteam · 10/02/2018 07:39

I would guess that the DCs know what is going on. Or is there a fence between you so the DCs don't see it. My DS aged about 10 was mortified when stuff like this went on against me. Not ndns but some random older teen. I didn't say anthing to my DS - what could i say.
But if the DCs are aware it's not good I would see about getting DH to speak to the ndns.

MrsRobert · 10/02/2018 11:13

It's better not to acknowledge their existance at all, don't even look at them. I know it is difficult but you don't want to engage with these fuckers. They mean nothing to you.

ralfeesmum · 10/02/2018 11:15

Mmmm.....wonder if this weirdy little pompous guy staring at you deliberately on a regular basis might constitute stalking behaviour?

Being asked by the police why he is doing this kind of thing so persistently might just frighten the sh*t out of him and put him in his place!

anne2000 · 10/02/2018 13:42

I have thought about the finger thing or telling them to grow up but then they will know they've got to you. I would just smile and wave once or twice and if they continue then ignore them. They aren't worth your energy. I am 65+ and I've worked out that life is too short to worry about silly things. Try 5 mins meditation when they annoy you.

dustyparadeground · 10/02/2018 14:19

I don't agree with further chidishness so no to middle finger or mouthing obscenities. I agree with a smile and a great big "hullo" v loud
If he then goes the other way with further intimidating behaviour go to the police. If you have his number ask the pc to call him, if he's normal a phone call from the police should put an end to it. Just tell the pc that this man is frightening you

RestingBitchFaced · 10/02/2018 14:28

Stare him out

Geordie1944 · 10/02/2018 17:28

Take your camera out and photograph them every time they do it. And resist any attempt on their part to open a discussion with you.

Gwynnita · 10/02/2018 17:33

And please come back and say what happened......

ferretygubbins · 10/02/2018 17:44

If you don't fancy trying the smiling and waving as has been previously suggested you could try burning down their house.

forcryinoutloud · 11/02/2018 16:57

I agree with MrsRobert, acknowledging their existence either by swearing or smiling tactics is engaging with them, I wouldn't waste your energy either way with that.

The only thing I would do however (and this is where I'd love to be good at singing) is sing or hum when they are in earshot or you have to walk past them, esp if they're sniggering. I'd also do the same in town, if the little toad guy is close enough to see you facial expression make sure you look happy, get out your phone, pretend to be having a joke with someone even! Honestly, I've done this myself and it gives you some positive energy whilst probably getting right up his pathetic arse.

Hope they stop, they sound like a couple of 10 year olds.

laudanum · 11/02/2018 17:03

I would do this...

TossDaily · 12/02/2018 09:50

I can't understand why you haven't sent your DH round to tell them to fuck off.

oneleftinthenest · 15/02/2018 08:33

I've had nightmares with my neighbours who moved in 2 years ago . They are in there 70's , demolished the house to build a new one , are still now only at ground level . Took the whole hedgerow out on their side which has exposed the gardens . Built a shed that they live in right on the boundary , demanded we put a fence up as on the deeds it's our boundary and when my very elderly and Poorly dog wondered through the wife threw a cup of coffee in her face ! ( I will never get over that) They shout to turn it down if we have any music on in the garden ( During the day at weekends not unsociable hours ) whilst doing building works louder than any music , have huge bonfires of the hedges they've removed in the day and weekends which ash went all over my garden furniture. This has been going on for the whole 2 years . I feel your pain , I can no longer just smile at them after the dog incident .

Darkstarrheart · 15/02/2018 09:02

oneleftinthenest
OMG I am so shocked your poor little dog- did you call the police?
We should all come over and have a mumsnetters party in your garden to piss off your neighbours!
Seriously though this is just dreadful I wish I was close enough to help
(South Wales if that's any good)
Flowers

tenpencemixup · 15/02/2018 09:06

What a stupid guy. I'd be thinking that much rage or holding such a grudge against you will make him so stressed that he'll give himself an ulcer or high blood pressure. You on the other hand have acted normally.

MrsWhirly · 15/02/2018 09:13

No smiling or waving. Straight hard stares back. They need to know you are not scared of them (even if you are). Fuckers.

Hissy · 15/02/2018 09:42

oneleftinthenest PLEASE, just live the way you want to.

play your music and if they say anything please just tell them to FUCK OFF.

STOP listening to these vile people, they don't get to bully you/your family and they sure as fuck don't do that to a dog.

SandAndSea · 15/02/2018 11:34

Try to lift your gaze up. Looking down can keep you in a feeling state. Looking up can help you to feel more empowered.

Homeontherangeuk · 29/08/2021 07:28

I know this thread is very old but I'm in the exact same situation now with our ndn... Searched neighbour indimidation & this came up.. OP are you still on Mn? If so how this this pan out?

Meatshake · 29/08/2021 07:31

"in the animal world, staring means you want to fight or fuck. Which one is it?"

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 29/08/2021 08:32

Smile, do a cheery hello, and kill them with kindness. It will drive them nuts.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 29/08/2021 08:33

Sorry, just realised this is a zombie thread.

Flipflopblowout · 29/08/2021 08:34

I would record every incident and allow it to continue for a while. I would then look at doing something legally under harassment. But remember neither of you are doing each other any favours right now. If you come to sell then you would have to admit that you are at loggerheads with ndn.

SnarkyMilarky · 29/08/2021 08:54

I would not react at all and act like he’s not even there. He is invisible. He is nothing.

Not receiving any recognition at all would be irritating to a person who acts like that.