Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

[smallishi]

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

Look back over, lock eyes for a few seconds, laugh, shake your head and turn away, it'll kill the self important little douche.

go out, pretend to be on the phone (or be on the phone) and say (loudly) 'oh god hang on... yeah, the weird stary guy... no, the short one... nah, this one is bald, you know him, went all weird about our extension...'

MAKE SURE HE HEARS YOU.

Wink and a smile. No one knows what it means. And no verbals involved either.

Believe me it worked for me. The smile has to look sincere, the wink is just the icing on the cake!

Personally I would wait until the next time he stares and shout 'I'm sorry, I just don't fancy you! Please stop staring it makes me feel yucky'. And walk off.

He won't know what to say and he won't do it again.

Pretend to film them and if they ask if it's for the police say "fuck no, it's for the viral thread of you two on YouTube."

Get mirrored sunglasses. Wear mirrored sunglasses. Stare back when he stares at you. He won't be able to tell if you blink.

Big smile.
"Morning"

I'd go up all concerned and say 'are you ok, do you need help ? I've noticed you're staring and not moving. Do you need to sit ? It'll be ok.l'll ask the shop if I can have a glass of water for you '
Say it firmly so others may stop to assist too.
That'll embarrass him.

Don’t say anything don’t flip your finger - when you catch him staring just wave!!!

My DM is in exactly the same boat OP, her NDN do the staring along with PA comments from behind the fence when DM is in the garden. It's about mindset imo, petty shit like this can only bother you if you let it although I appreciate that's easier said than done.

DM really lets it bother her and I'm currently trying to persuade her to try and do some mental adjustment to help deal with it. So, everytime they do/say something she's practising changing her internal reaction from feeling on edge about it to thinking 'fuck them, if they've got nothing better to do let them get on with it' type of thing. It's taking some time but does seem to be working.

Ultimately this is their problem, they're the ones who've afforded you so much importance they have to stand staring at you but you don't have to take it on board. Tell yourself they're sad for having so little else going on in their lives they have time for petty nonsense like this and make a decision not to let them get to you. DM was so upset by her NDN's she was feeling like she wanted to move but the new mental attitude to it seems to have put that one to bed, can't hurt to give it a try

Just say hello in a fake way. It's pleasingly passive aggressive and gives you back the control and power, plus the upper hand. Good luck

Hold his stare, and wink

Having lived next door to the most passive aggressive couple in the WHOLE WORLD, I really wish I had faced them head on.

So, head high, confident air - 'stop trying to intimidate me please.'

They are glaring and laughing because they daren't speak to you directly, so scare the pants off them by actually forcing them to interact (or run away, which is more likely).

I'm with black . good luck. find your inner tiger / cool buddah. I think avoiding sarcasm or ott behaviour will give you lots of strength. just go into "actor - mode". imagine they are your long-standing friendly neighbours.

What a lot of horrible ideas.

Have you ever thought they're reflecting your own behaviour back at you?

There's no need for personal insults- they have nothing to do with the situation.

Disarm them with a smile and a hi, it’s only interesting to them if they think they’re getting to you, if you act completely unaffected they will probably lose interest

I'm with the kill with kindness camp. They'll hate it!

Do the same as I do when I pass people that make me a bit nervous ( I have to pass a pub with quite a few men outside on my way home from work) so I turn my phone to silent and pretend I'm having a really intense conversation with someone. Obviously I still have to pass but my attention is off them so I'm not taking any notice.

If you did this with your ndn I'm sure he'd soon give up his stupid intimidating nonsense, after all what's the point if you're not looking at him???

If you're with the kids start a really interesting convo with them so as your attention is solely on them, don't even glance up when you pass because you're so involved in this conversation.

If he doesn't have an audience he can't perform!!!

Yes, a beaming smile and a cheery "Hello!" would wind them up more than anything!

What vile nasty people. Yes I would agree it is bullying and intimidation. I would wave and say hello and be Extra friendly. Start keeping a record. You could then if things escalate log a complaint with the police and state they are intimating you

I think I'd maybe try getting my phone out and filming him and asking if there was s reason why he constantly stares at you. Getting his staring on film and his response would be good. He will try to deny it but if you have evidence at least you'll know it's not just in your head. Maybe add, are you in love with me? To make him feel extra awkward..... people like that deserve to be treated with contempt. We had awful neighbours but have since moved. You have my sympathy as it stops you enjoying your own home

Your neighbour isn't peaky blinder though, he's a Boggart. Work on your Riddikulus spell - if Neville can do it you can.

Has anyone on the thread suggested you smile and say hello yet, OP?