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Original poster

To think these parents should be hauled over the coals for this

265 replies

Dustysparrow · 08/02/2018 09:46

A teenage girl was given highlights for her birthday by her mum - subtle ones - and when she returned home from a visit to see her father and stepmother they had cut off all of her hair as they disapproved. She has literally about 1-2 cm of hair length left on her head. She had long hair before.

Here's the link: uk.yahoo.com/style/father-chops-off-daughter-hair-124424056.html

AIBU to think this is a form of child abuse to do this to somebody against their will??? What a cruel, hateful thing thing to do to a child.

OP posts:
Jux · 08/02/2018 12:36

I cut off my very long hair when I was 30. The difference it made was astounding. My hair had been responsible for so much attention, not just male, but female as well. I was still blonde, and when I dyed it black another massive change occurred. People reacted to me with more fear! Old ladies would look at me askance, men would skirt round me, strangers would look away.

It was great! I found it all extremely funny.

RadioGaGoo · 08/02/2018 12:37

Thanks Tarraleaha. Interesting points you make Smile.

Ivymaud · 08/02/2018 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abracadabraapileofbollocks · 08/02/2018 12:40

Anyone else think it's something to do with looking like the mum's hair. The mum has blonde to nearly black hair in different photos. As does the daughter. Then suddenly the daughter's hair is chopped off?! Are the dad/ step mum mad she wants hair like her mums? Is the mum imposing this matching?
I get the feeling this girl isbeing used as a pawn. Poor thing.

grannytomine · 08/02/2018 12:41

That is funny Jux. What colour is it now, has it stayed black?

floriad · 08/02/2018 12:43

Jux

That does sound fun!!

stoneagefertilitydoll · 08/02/2018 12:46

My oldest daughter (big age gap between the 2) would be mortally offended if I was giving her a tenner and told her to go to the barber instead of her expensive hairdresser.

To be fair, my eldest boy greatly prefers going to the expensive hairdresser rather than the barber too - they're much nicer, he gets to bend their ear about his ideas for much longer etc. Perhaps you should offer your sons the 50 quid to get their hair cut like your daughter?

My youngest boy on the other hand refuses to have his hair cut, and luckily it's curly, so whilst, if pulled out straight, it would be past his shoulders and need tying back, since it coils up, it stays out of his eyes.

Quite why what someone has in their pants means they have to signpost it with a particular length of hair I don't know, and certainly won't be suggesting to my kids. As long as it's tidy and they can do their schoolwork, they can have it however they like.

I've had hair of all lengths myself, and if someone forced me to cut it, it certainly would be assault.

Begrateful · 08/02/2018 12:50

Absolutely horrible overreaction from her father!Angry

Poor girl, may God help her.

MuseumOfCurry · 08/02/2018 12:51

Now of course I'm not saying that's the case here. I just wanted to point out that actually it CAN happen - there can be lots of factors that you wouldn't see from the outside.

I'm reminded: When you hear hoofbeats, think horse - not zebra.

brizzledrizzle · 08/02/2018 12:55

Schools not allowing boys to have long hair is ridiculous, it's personal choice. I personally prefer short hair on boys but long hair in a sensible style is fine - I'd let my son have long hair if he wanted (though his father wouldn't ). At his school the uniform guidelines merely state that long hair in girls and boys needs to be kept off their face with clips or bobbles and has to be tied back for sports.

PoorYorick · 08/02/2018 12:57

I actually didn't realise there were still schools with issues about long hair on boys, thought that went out with the bollocks about not allowing girls to wear trousers.

If it's clean, tidy and off their faces then I can't understand why anyone would object. How do they square it with history classes when they learn about fashionably long hair on men in the past?

expatinscotland · 08/02/2018 12:59

And yet, there's a thread running in active right now featuring and OP whose 9-year-old daughter has very long hair she does not want to cut, her father and stepmother are threatening to cut it when she goes on holiday with them and the vast majority of posts tell the OP to get it, that she has a Rapunzel complex, that long hair on little girls is impractical, not at all beautiful, that short hair on girls is the way to go, that long hair impedes her childhood. Even though the OP has stated over and over the kid does not want to cut her hair!

'A just turned 13 year old being given highlights is different to a 16 year old, did the mum run it past the dad for his opinion - she is the child of both parents. '

No, it isn't.

Poordd · 08/02/2018 12:59

Nc for this

My ex did very similar to my dd when she was 10 because she had a (very mild) case of nits - which were being treated.

Dd was DEVASTATED not even exaggerating, the entire weekend after I got her back before her going back to school on the Monday I had a very tearful, heartbroken anxious child on my hands. I tried my best to reassure her, showed her lots of pictures of actresses/singers she liked with short hair, told her how gorgeous she still of course looked, that it would grow back soon etc etc

None of her girl friends had short hair, it had been waist length before, first time she'd ever had nits and she's not had them since. Hair was looked after just one of those things that happens sometimes.

She was worried she was going to be teased and called "a boy" (she wasn't wrong, conservative area we were living in at the time).

In addition the way he went about was awful, was brushing her hair and just without warning grabbed a pair of scissors gathered it in a sort of ponytail in his hand and just lopped it off! Then took her to a neighbour who USED to be a hairdresser but hadn't been for some years to "tidy it up" it was a fucking mess!!

Dd wanted to call me - he wouldn't let her.

It REALLY SERIOUSLY affected her confidence, she had nightmares, she wouldn't even sleep alone because she was worried when it started growing he'd break in to cut it again (yes I know that was irrational but it's how she felt).

I then had major legal issues because she didn't want to see him/visit him again (understandably) and there was a contact order in place.

Thankfully it didn't have to go to court I think because his solicitor made it clear he'd been in the wrong. Very very gradually the relationship between ex and dd was rebuilt but he ruined what had previously been quite a good one. Idiot!

So yea - I definitely think it's abuse. (If not a hoax) and if true then I think the reason a 13 year old would aquiesce is because this guy is ALREADY very controlling if not physically abusive.

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 13:04

How do they square it with history classes when they learn about fashionably long hair on men in the past?
I am guessing that they take the view that not all fashionable or acceptable male behaviour from the past should be acceptable or encouraged today. Same goes for women fashion, would we really like to follow rules from the past?

expatinscotland · 08/02/2018 13:05

link

Very different responses here. Yes, the girl is older, but the point is that this child doesn't want her hair cut. Forcing her to do so because you CBA'd to help her with it or teach her to do it on her own is laziness at best.

PoorYorick · 08/02/2018 13:05

In addition the way he went about was awful, was brushing her hair and just without warning grabbed a pair of scissors gathered it in a sort of ponytail in his hand and just lopped it off! Then took her to a neighbour who USED to be a hairdresser but hadn't been for some years to "tidy it up" it was a fucking mess!!

My father used to slap, punch and kick me when it suited him, and this would have affected me just as deeply. I'm not kidding.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/02/2018 13:08

Poordd DD'so hair took a long time to grow, and was still short when she started school. That and her preference for wearing trousers caused her to be called a boy a lot at school. It's finally in a shoulder length page boy.

stoneagefertilitydoll · 08/02/2018 13:11

Very different responses here. Yes, the girl is older, but the point is that this child doesn't want her hair cut. Forcing her to do so because you CBA'd to help her with it or teach her to do it on her own is laziness at best.

I agree expat - although, like my son, if the child also refuses to look after it (and at 9, the girl in the other thread could be doing a fair bit towards looking after her own hair), then something has to be done. Mine's only 4, but being curly, if it's not looked at every couple of days his hair gets matted at the front - he knows the choice is to let me at it with comb and conditioner when that's needed, or we'll have to take it a bit shorter so it doesn't need combing so often - he has the choice though, it's just a limited choice.

That wasn't the case here though - the hair was fine, and chopped off for an unknown reason.

floriad · 08/02/2018 13:15

Poordd

he sounds awful. That's horrible.

And yet, there's a thread running in active right now featuring and OP whose 9-year-old daughter has very long hair she does not want to cut, her father and stepmother are threatening to cut it when she goes on holiday with them and the vast majority of posts tell the OP to get it, that she has a Rapunzel complex, that long hair on little girls is impractical, not at all beautiful, that short hair on girls is the way to go, that long hair impedes her childhood. Even though the OP has stated over and over the kid does not want to cut her hair!

that's what I meant with my previous comment.

Hair is such a weird thing. We place a lot of importance on it.

And people's opinion about women's hair is also something of religious and social significance.

And yes, women / girls can have short hair. Men / boy can have long. (obviously...)

But it becomes an issue when someone forces their teenage child to get a haircut. Especially if the reasons seem unjustified or spiteful...

If someone forced their son to have long hair? some of these responses would be different, I imagine.

MuseumOfCurry · 08/02/2018 13:15

And yet, there's a thread running in active right now featuring and OP whose 9-year-old daughter has very long hair she does not want to cut, her father and stepmother are threatening to cut it when she goes on holiday with them and the vast majority of posts tell the OP to get it, that she has a Rapunzel complex, that long hair on little girls is impractical, not at all beautiful, that short hair on girls is the way to go, that long hair impedes her childhood. Even though the OP has stated over and over the kid does not want to cut her hair!

The child you refer to has hair below her waist, and she's 9. It is supremely impractical. The subject of this thread is 16 or so, and has hair that hits a bit below her shoulders.

I have a 15 year old son and I have zero involvement in his hair (he's very into it these days).

Crocusqueen · 08/02/2018 13:17

How the fuck can some posters not see that this is abuse?

Cutting women's hair against their will has been used as a form of shame and humiliation has centuries of historical precedent, from the workhouses, to post war France, to Cersei frigging Lannister, for that matter.

Women like their hair, they care for their hair, they have individual hair preferences, from a young age they enjoy grooming friend's hair as a form of social bonding, it is part of them, it is important. Not because of the social expectations around women's hair but because it is part of their body, it is THEIRS.

This isn't about how getting an edgy pixie cut makes you feel free and empowered. If the story is true - and I do tend to believe it, actually, because guess what, abusive fathers are a thing - then this young girl doesn't give a shit about how she's now free of the gender specific hair trap, she is upset because she's been bullied into giving up her bodily autonomy and losing the hair that presumably she liked.

"it's just hair" "it'll grow back" jesus christ you'd all be whistling a different tune if this was a baby ear piercing thread or a "should I let my son wear princess dresses" thread. God forbid a girl should actually WANT to have long hair and enjoy having it.

expatinscotland · 08/02/2018 13:22

'The child you refer to has hair below her waist, and she's 9. It is supremely impractical. The subject of this thread is 16 or so, and has hair that hits a bit below her shoulders. '

But it's her hair and she doesn't want it cut! And she can be taught to help manage it. Doesn't matter if it's impractical, she doesn't want it cut. And the father is threatening to do it against her will. That's just in no way right to be able to do that to a child.

rhizomorph · 08/02/2018 13:23

The child you refer to has hair below her waist, and she's 9. It is supremely impractical
Absolute rubbish. For whom? One of my children has below waist hair (and from age 8 it reached that length), it is very long. She does competitive gymnastics (has done since age 6) and wears it in a large bun for classes or competing and a long plait for school etc She's also referred to as a tomboy by many people (not in a bullying way) as she's into outdoor pursuits and fishing and never wears dresses or skirts.

floriad · 08/02/2018 13:28

The child you refer to has hair below her waist, and she's 9. It is supremely impractical

My hair was that long when I was her age.

Was it somewhat impractical?Not really.

And if this child's father is threatenig to cut his daughter's hair when they're going on holiday? It's imo obvious that he isn't the main carer / the one that deals with potential hair issues on most days.

And many girls (I certainly was) are able to look after their own hair when they're that age.

Dobbythesockelf · 08/02/2018 13:30

What the father did was wrong. My mum used to refuse to let me have my hair cut because her mum used to force her to have short hair...... not sure of this logic. I have very curly, fly away hair, it was horrible to brush and control when it was so long. When I got to 13 I insisted that she let me have my hair cut how I wanted it, my dad backed me up, I got a Bob which in hindsight was ridiculous with my hair type but I was so happy I got to make the decision myself. Eventually I figured out shoulder length is the best length for me and I started experimenting with different colours etc. When my dd is old enough she can cut her hair if she wants to, although as her hair is exactly like mine I may try to steer her away from blunt cuts and too short etc