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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these parents should be hauled over the coals for this

265 replies

Dustysparrow · 08/02/2018 09:46

A teenage girl was given highlights for her birthday by her mum - subtle ones - and when she returned home from a visit to see her father and stepmother they had cut off all of her hair as they disapproved. She has literally about 1-2 cm of hair length left on her head. She had long hair before.

Here's the link: uk.yahoo.com/style/father-chops-off-daughter-hair-124424056.html

AIBU to think this is a form of child abuse to do this to somebody against their will??? What a cruel, hateful thing thing to do to a child.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 13:34

Honestly, if this was my daughter these animals would wish they were in jail by the time I got my hands on them.

So abusive and cruel. I hope there is serious repurcussions and she never has to see them again.

Groinyo · 08/02/2018 13:35

Why has everyone decided it's fake? the police have been involved and quoted in the story. I think he'd notice if she was actually hiding a mane of real hair under a black wig.

Especially as she got the black wig after Confused

I doubt the hair salon and everyone are trying to trick people. As for the gofund me, every fucker starts one now.

diddl · 08/02/2018 13:35

Perhaps the dad had already told her no highlights?

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 13:38

Groinyo I'm presuming that people are saying it is fake because they want it to be fake... Hopefully because it is so awful, not because they are so jaded by fake news.

Dobbythesockelf · 08/02/2018 13:38

She's 17 I really dont think either parent has a say at that age.

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 13:39

Why has everyone decided it's fake?
Would people really be suspended from work for giving her hair cut to their kids? Most parents of screaming toddlers would be out of a job if that was true!

FingersCrossedHard · 08/02/2018 13:45

This is what my daughter looked like Sunday when I took her home and the other two pics is what happened today before she was brought to me…all over me having highlights put in her hair for her birthday!”

Mmm...so I take from this that the mother is the nrp as she refers to taking the dd 'home'. It may not be relevant but you kind of assume that the mother is the 'main' parent and the occasionally-seen dad has done something awful which isn't the case.

Maybe the dd was given the choice of having it dyed back or chopped and she chose to have it cut

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/02/2018 13:51

When you hear hoof beats, think horse - not zebra. I have no idea what that means.

VioletCharlotte · 08/02/2018 13:52

She's 13. Why do people keep saying she's 17?

Lambzig · 08/02/2018 13:52

My Ex husband (no D) cut a chunk of my bra strap length hair off at the back while I was sleeping. He did it because a male friend of his had said I had lovely hair and he didn’t think I should be attractive to other men. I had to have quite a short bob cut which I hated.

I think that was abuse. I think this is abuse too.

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 13:58

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks

It is an aphorism coined in the late 1940s by Dr. Theodore Woodward, professor at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. Basically he is saying that physicians are taught to focus on the likeliest possibilities when making a diagnosis, not the unusual ones.

The poster used it because they were saying another poster's anecdote (about someone she knew to cut her hair short and then went from female to male when she was older) was unusual and not the likeliest outcome in this case.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/02/2018 14:01

Thanks. 😊

Getoutofthatgarden · 08/02/2018 14:06

The child you refer to has hair below her waist, and she's 9. It is supremely impractical. The subject of this thread is 16 or so, and has hair that hits a bit below her shoulders

You missed the most important bit. The child doesn't want her hair cut. The OP on that thread said the girl loves having hair this length.

morningconstitutional2017 · 08/02/2018 14:07

It does seem extreme. If this had happened to me as a teenager I would have been distraught. So they disapproved of streaks, did they? They would have eventually grown out. Teenagers are very self conscious about appearance and hair is important to them - and to think I thought that my parents were rotters to not allow me to have long hair.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/02/2018 14:09

All those posters saying that the girl would have to have been held down - Oh FFS! Abusive people have all sorts of ways of making their victims submit and pretend to enjoy the abuse in public. Maybe the father told her he would beat her if she objected, or kill her pets, or never let her see her mother again... If you have experienced systematic abuse from a family member, you often can't resist without additional support.

Getoutofthatgarden · 08/02/2018 14:16

Why has everyone decided it's fake?

If it was fake surely her father would talk to defend himself, wouldn't he? He's keeping very quiet.

Crocusqueen · 08/02/2018 14:24

If you do some digging on Facebook there are friends of the father defending him saying he "had his reasons but he doesn't want to share them". The mother has also commented saying the step mother hit the child on the back of the head when she came back with the highlights, however the actual cut wasn't done until the day before the girl was due back at her mum's.

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 14:30

Crocusqueen Just came back to say that! Also the father's "I influence so many children I never thought I would, And I couldn't take credit for the love they get because it comes from you Lord" posts may be a pointer.

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 14:31

Posted too soon! A pointer to why he did it I mean. Odd though, you would think he would want to spread the word if it were for religious reasons.

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 14:35

Re Facebook, The step mother dyes her hair all different colours!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/02/2018 14:45

I would have never spoken to my dad again I don’t think if he’d done this to me as a teen. I was already insecure about being the only girl with curly hair, to be the only one with a crew cut - honestly my confidence might not have survived.

As an adult, sure I’d be upset if I lost all my hair or had to have it all cut off. But with age I’ve obviously come to accept that it will grow back anyway. Teens are not quite the same.

I can see there are doubts about this story - but it it’s true I can certainly see why this can be seen as abusive.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/02/2018 14:57

Diana even as an adult, it can be devastating. DS 27 used to have hair past his nipples, he lost it all last year due to chemo, I was worried how he'd take it, he coped surprisingly well.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 08/02/2018 15:00

Oh for sure Perfect. I think I’d probably be more pragmatic if I had to cut it off due to chewing gum or something rather than losing it to illness as well!

Hope your son is recovering well.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/02/2018 15:02

He's in remission thanks. 😊

readysteadyteddy · 08/02/2018 15:18

It was the stepmother's niece who cut it. She works at a hair salon in Ohio and they are getting a lot of comments from all over the world about them being child abusers.