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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should be doing more...

335 replies

Dancingfairy · 07/02/2018 11:57

My nephew is staying here whilst my sister is away. For the last two days he hasn't been to school. I've woken him up 5 times today but he just ignores me. He's currently in bed now still. My sister keeps saying things like "see what I have to deal with" erm I don't need to see what you have to deal with as it's not my problem. When my kids go to school I want my house to myself but no. I set my alarm much earlier than what I get up to get him up and he just doesn't listen. She hasn't once called to speak to him about it and instead keeps getting me to call his school to explain he won't be in. Aibu in thinking she could do more??

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 11/02/2018 10:28

in fact fir she’s all anyone’s said is tell school, make a proper fucking

in fact for ages all anyone’s said is tell school, make a proper fucking

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 10:29

I can't be "reported" for neglecting a child THAT ISNT MINE. Don't be ridiculous. I didn't have him and quite frankly I wouldn't have had a baby under 16. That's the most ridiclous comment on the thread! So hopefully this thread dies off now as I won't comment again. And no ones mentioning ss but me hey? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 10:30

Well read the latest comment I should be reported for neglecting a child than isn't mine. Bizarre. Confused I'm out!

OP posts:
InToMyHeart · 11/02/2018 10:33

Of course you can be reported for neglecting a child that isn't yours if they are in your care!

redexpat · 11/02/2018 10:34

Im a socialworker but not in the UK. If your situation had arisen here you would be legally obliged to notify SS. There is a child who is being neglected. His mother hasnt taken him to the dr when he clearly needs help. You have first hand knowledge of this.

You say you wont call SS on your sister, but thats not what this is about. You would be calling SS for your nephew. What you are doing atm is putting her needs above his and it should be the other way round. The needs of the child come first.

If you really dont feel brave enough for SS then for the sake of that child tell his school! THEY can start the ball rolling and that gets you off the hook. Or NSPCC.

I can only imagine being a LP to 4dc and all that entails and I understand that you dont have much time or headspace, but all this would take is ONE phonecall to the school which could potentially save his life. If you were walking home with your 4 dc and saw a car accident occur would you be too busy to call an ambulance? This is the same principle. PLEASE call someone.

NoSquirrels · 11/02/2018 10:40

I was responding to your assertion up thread that you wouldn’t want to be “reported” to SS if you were struggling with YOUR CHILD IN THE FUTURE.

Anyway, pointless. You don’t care, so why should we?

myrtleWilson · 11/02/2018 10:52

This is horrific, washing your hands of him. Shameful

Grimbles · 11/02/2018 10:58

Shame on you op. Would you be so blasé if it was a physical illness or injury your nephew had?

Fucksake.

Ijustwantabloodyusername · 11/02/2018 11:46

FFS OP, With each of your replies, it's gets more depressing.

I really hope for your sake, that your children are never in this position.

You've known this since October and done fuck all about it.

You don't even need to involve SS, as a quick call to the school to explain the situation, whilst your Nephew was staying with you, would have been all that was needed.

This poor boy is crying out for help, from everyone around him, yet you're all doing fuck all for him.

What does he have to do to get you to listen?

I have a DC with additional needs, and lots of allowances have to be made. I'm also helping a family member who's going through a horrendous illness at the minute, yet I could spare 10 fucking minutes to call the school about my desperately I'll Neice/Nephew.

You think that having 4 children is an excuse to do nothing for him. You've all let him down. And when you know that someone's needs are being neglected in such a way, like this, you're just as neglectful as everybody else.

He clearly hasn't caused you any problems whilst staying there, so his Mother was right. That's clearly what you all think that a teenager needs. Well it isn't!

This thread is the most difficult one I have ever read on here. And for you to justify doing nothing, because of another thread on here, says everything about you!

I hope this poor boy is being monitored at School already and this could be taken out of all your hands soon enough.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 12:05

I'm not getting involved again since apparently I should be reported for neglect so I will stay out of it now.

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 11/02/2018 12:09

Yeah you should be reported. He was in your care and you did fuck all but whine and moan on here when people were giving you good advice about going to the drs. When you refused to do that people suggested the school and ss as gatekeepers to assistance. But you did fuck all about that too. I hope one day your struggling and people do fuck all for you so you feel how your nephew does.

You lady are fucking ridiculous

Booboobooboo84 · 11/02/2018 12:10

And with four kids under 7 are you really so deluded to think you won’t have similar issues with at least 1 when they get to the teenage years- fucking deluded

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 12:13

Well by the time ss came out if I was "reported" he would be back in the care of his mother so they would do sweet FA. He was staying with me for a week, takes a lot longer than that to get a drs app in my area. So whatever.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2018 12:14

whatever
That really sums up everyone in this boys life. Sad

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 12:17

I said I would insist she takes him to the drs that wasn't good enough. Nothing other than reporting her to ss who let's face it would probably visit her once and just close the case anyway since the threshold for intervention needs to be extremely high. So anything they offered would be voluntary anyway. But now I'm stepping out of it.

OP posts:
MinorRSole · 11/02/2018 12:25

I suspect op just wanted us to join in berating her sister and not actually give a damn about the child.
Unfortunately, whilst we can see that the sister sounds awful, our primary concern was the fact that this poor boy seems to not have a single person actually looking after him.

Op your sister wasn't posting here which is why people are trying to get your to understand that your nephew needs help. Nobody else in his life appears to have noticed. You have and that's great, well it is if you do something about it. If you don't then you are as bad as all the other adults who are letting him down.

What's so frustrating is the ridiculous excuses you keep giving. You have 4 children, I get that's hard - I have 4 too. It's not an excuse though and sounds pathetic when used as one.

Not wanting to fall out with your family - well judging from previous posts you do that anyway so is your nephew just not worth fighting for?

Come on op - stop being complicit in the neglect of a child and be the one person who stands up for him,

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 12:30

And I've said I will insist she takes him to the drs...
Do you really think ss will do anything other than suggest voluntary help. Which I can tell you for a fact she won't accept.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2018 12:32

And what about contacting the school, which is what you committed to doing a few days ago?

myrtleWilson · 11/02/2018 12:33

But there’s a heap of other stuff you could have done, spoken with school, rung a teenage mental health charity for advice, spoken with your Dr but I get it “you’re out”

Ijustwantabloodyusername · 11/02/2018 12:38

You're still going on about SS and saying you'll insist she takes him to the Drs.

That. Won't. Happen.

You have behaved shockingly as well. That is why you're getting a hard time. All you've done is moan about a child with mental heath issues.

And don't think he won't know there's nobody who cares. He knows he's alone.

None of you deserve children because you care more about your weird adult relationships than the needs of a child!

lonelymelissa · 11/02/2018 12:40

Was your nephew given any help/support for the "inappropriate" things he was doing on his phone? Was nobody interested or bothered enough to wonder why this was happening? Or was this possibly very damaging sign brushed under the carpet and ignored also?

That poor, poor boy....my heart breaks....

Unicornsandrainbows3 · 11/02/2018 12:43

Op why are you so het up about Ss when all you need to do it contact the school? Have you had a bad experience with them before? Please stand up for your nephew as no one else is going to.

lonelymelissa · 11/02/2018 12:44

I can't be "reported" for neglecting a child THAT ISNT MINE. Don't be ridiculous

OP, you are legally (and morally) wrong about his and I'm afraid that I find your unededucated comment above to be the ridiculous one.

My heart breaks for this child.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 12:48

If I was reported to ss about it yeh sure people can report people to ss for anything let's not pretend as would DO anything. They wouldn't. So stop pretending. What do you think they would do? No personal experience of ss no but I do know they have a huge stigma. The inappropriate stuff no I'm not too sure what was done about it tbh.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2018 12:50

Why are you continuing to talk about social services and ignoring all other comments? It’s really coming across as “computer says no”