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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should be doing more...

335 replies

Dancingfairy · 07/02/2018 11:57

My nephew is staying here whilst my sister is away. For the last two days he hasn't been to school. I've woken him up 5 times today but he just ignores me. He's currently in bed now still. My sister keeps saying things like "see what I have to deal with" erm I don't need to see what you have to deal with as it's not my problem. When my kids go to school I want my house to myself but no. I set my alarm much earlier than what I get up to get him up and he just doesn't listen. She hasn't once called to speak to him about it and instead keeps getting me to call his school to explain he won't be in. Aibu in thinking she could do more??

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 09/02/2018 14:49

Email or ring the school ask for pasterol support to get involved.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 09/02/2018 14:57

The depression clicked when a pp asked if he was depressed as i thought he just didn't want to go to school. Bunking off school certainly wasn't uncommon when I was in school. So like I said didn't realise it was that at first.

OP posts:
AgathaF · 09/02/2018 14:58

Have you asked him about it this week?

endofthelinefinally · 09/02/2018 15:10

OP is only interested in justifying why she won't/can't do anything.

Quirkyturkey · 09/02/2018 15:23

For fucks sake don't waste your breath people. Op clearly has the empathy of a chilli. She's done nothing. She's going to do nothing. I'm out. Poor boy.

Boatsonthewater · 09/02/2018 15:42

I can understand what you mean OP about not knowing it was depression at first, but now you know, you really must try to help. How will you feel if he kills himself?

Gatehouse77 · 09/02/2018 17:17

Why would he chose this week to do it? - I think that is spectacularly missing the point.

Can't agree more Agatha F.

My son's suicide attempt came 10 minus after he'd finished watching a TV programme with DH and I and went to bed 'happy'. You don't choose. That is a very ignorant comment.

curlilox · 09/02/2018 18:24

Cold wet flannel! Grin

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 09/02/2018 18:58

Wow your all right!! She just called me to say she's on her way back and is off on a date tonight! I was literally like Shock. I guess sometimes it's hard to see it when it's your own family but I'm definitely going to take the advice on board with this situation! Not as far as ss but I'm going to demand she takes him to the drs.

OP posts:
Tiredoldhag · 09/02/2018 23:02

SS are gatekeepers in the sense that they can fast track support for him. That is all they will want to do. Most are decent people who really want to help, they can arrange counselling etc very quickly

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/02/2018 05:28

Can you now speak to your dn? Tell him you care about him. He doesn’t have to speak. Just listen.

I really think you need to do more than insist he goes to the doctor. You have been doing so since October last year. When are you going to get beyond this point?

Oblomov18 · 10/02/2018 06:20

How long did you agree to have him for? It's now 1/2 term here. Is he going home soon? You sister needs to sit him down and say he has to go to school. End of. Starting next Monday, he should agree to go.

Oblomov18 · 10/02/2018 06:28

Only just seen update on suicidal and depression! Shock

I know Camhs can be rubbish, but come on! The sister is failing this boy badly.

Booboobooboo84 · 10/02/2018 09:36

Everyone sees social services as the big bad wolf who comes to take your children away. They aren’t going to take a teenage boy away from a home where’s he emotionally neglected. They would need evidence that it’s been going on for a long time before they took that route. So don’t worry about that.

Geordie1944 · 10/02/2018 22:34

Tip the bed up and dump the little sod on the floor, and then empty a jug of water over him. I promise you that you will only have to do this once.

Your sister is obviously feckless, frightened of parenting her son properly, and dumping on you. Try emptying a jug of water over her as well.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 10/02/2018 22:39

Definitely wont be reporting her to ss. He's no longer here she collected him last night. His punishment is no pocket money for 2 weeks.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 10/02/2018 22:46

Why should the fact she took him home stop you from calling SS or the school?

Out of sight, out of mind?

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 10/02/2018 22:50

That's not why I'm not calling. I've already said I would never call ss on her. She would never forgive me. I don't think this is an ss matter. She can access the help without them.

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 11/02/2018 00:12

Well sadly OP he’s not received any help so far has he. And now he’s being punished for being depressed and suicidal.

She can access the help. She’s actively choosing not too. So someone needs to help him access the help.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 00:28

I'm baffled that people on this thread are telling me to report my sister to social services as she hasn't taken my nephew to the drs. Yet there's a thread on this same page about a neighbours children and the children are living in a violent home with drug addicts and don't attend school at all yet people are telling the op NOT to report it. Madness.

OP posts:
InToMyHeart · 11/02/2018 00:47

His punishment is no pocket money for 2 weeks.

Well that sounds like it will sort the depression and suicidal thoughts out! Shock

Sorry OP but you are massively letting him down. Hopefully someone will do something before the poor lad gets really desperate. Anyone with sense or empathy would have taken him to the doctor. Is your sister more important to you than your nephews life? Otherwise call SS!

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 11/02/2018 01:01

Nope not calling ss...

OP posts:
InToMyHeart · 11/02/2018 01:18

Ah well then, just as long as you don't hurt your sisters feelings. Screw your nephews life! Doesn't matter just as long as no one is annoyed with you!
Honestly, you should be disgusted with yourself OP. Absolutely shameful behaviour!

ReanimatedSGB · 11/02/2018 02:01

FFS this is probably the most horrible thread I have ever seen on MN.

OP, it's clearly not your fault that you are completely incapable of helping that kid. You have been raised on a combination of blame and martyrdom - 'Look what I have to put up with/Just stop whining and pull yourself together'. I bet no one ever comforted or cared for you when you were unhappy, either.

The number of thick, spiteful, utterly unhelpful responses suggesting you bully the poor boy further (throw water over him! Shout at him! Destroy his belongings!) just demonstrates how many vicious, self-righteous morons there are in the world and why we have an ongoing mental health crisis among young people.

BokoblinGirl · 11/02/2018 02:04

Wish I hadn't read this thread before sleep, I'm actually worried sick about that poor boy. Seems like lots of useful who have read this (strangers) care way more about his well being than his own family Sad

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