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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to a sibling attending birthday party?

117 replies

sleepietortoise · 07/02/2018 09:53

So it's my daughter's 5th birthday party soon and we've decided to have the party at home. We invited a handful of classmates and were v strict with her about how many she could invite as the party is at home so don't have the room for the whole class. The mum of one of the girls she invited has asked if her older brother can come too - because 'otherwise he'll cry and be jealous' that she's going to something he isn't. Had she said she had a childcare problem I'd have been happier BUT she did this last year (where it wasn't a problem as the party was in a hall and my daughter hadn't had to choose who to invite) and she has 2 other children who obviously are being looked after that day so it's not a question of that. She was v upfront that it's just because she thinks he'll feel left out. He barely knows my daughter and doesn't know anyone else being invited. And there are genuinely other friends she would have invited that we've said no to (and I won't have enough party bags etc!). AIBU to say he can't come? She's a bit pushy and I was kind of put on the spot when she asked and I sort of said it would probably be ok but it was v clear I wasn't v happy about it.

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 07/02/2018 09:54

God, just say no. Her parenting fails are not your problem.

WoodenCat · 07/02/2018 09:54

No way should he come, that’s ridiculous. You’ll find that as he’s older he will win all the games too!

WildRosesGrow · 07/02/2018 09:54

Not at all, just say no. You've got limited numbers and therefore no siblings.

halcyondays · 07/02/2018 09:54

I think he needs to get used to not being invited to parties with his sister, mostly in school he won't be.

Samcro · 07/02/2018 09:54

say no
cheeky mare

Hillarious · 07/02/2018 09:57

It's a no. And it should be a very easy no to say. Because it's so obviously no.

DeliberatelyAwkward · 07/02/2018 09:59

YAVVVVNBU

AIBU to say no to a sibling attending birthday party?
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/02/2018 10:00

Of course not. If she pushes any further just tell her she'd be best keeping both of them at home, just to be on the safe side...
I'll bet she just fancies an afternoon to herself, and the older kid couldn't give a toss.

Situp · 07/02/2018 10:01

Definitely say no. You have limited numbers and your daughter would be upset if having had to leave out some of her friends, a boy she doesn't really know was included.

Our DD is invited to loads of parties but DS rarely is. He accepts that.

Namesarehard · 07/02/2018 10:01

Tell her no. If she starts say what you've said here. There are friends of hers she couldn't invite due to strict numbers there for there's no room for siblings.
It would be very unfair to your daughter if he was to come. It's about her not him.

BlindAssassin1 · 07/02/2018 10:03

Definitely not BU. But as you said it will 'probably be ok' she will probably taken that as a yes. And now you'll have to back peddle and uninvite the child. Which sounds massively socially awkward.

fourandnomore · 07/02/2018 10:04

Definitely no. You should not have said it will probably be ok, I really feel for you but she shouldn't have put you on the spot. You now need to say sorry, but having looked at numbers she's had to leave some good friends out because of limited space at home so he won't be able to come. If she turns up with him, just let the girl through the door, say oh so glad you could come xxx (friends name) and tell the Mum the pick up time. My friend once said to me about her two oh well they do everything together, they come as a pair! She wouldn't even check and took the brother to every party, strict numbers on her own party though - and no brother in attendance!! No, no, no.

Mammasmitten · 07/02/2018 10:05

Tell her no, then suggest that if he is upset the she could make a fuss of him and take him somewhere special to make him feel better.

metalmum15 · 07/02/2018 10:07

Tough shit. She needs to learn how to say no to him otherwise he's going to turn into one of those entitled kids. (Sounds like he is already ) Not your problem though.

Mammasmitten · 07/02/2018 10:07

Oops, 'the' was meant to be 'then'

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 07/02/2018 10:08

Absolutely say no in that case, that's a stupid reason and makes it clear she expects him to be fully involved in the party as a guest.

Childcare problems are different because if you are expecting parents to stay to take responsibility for their own children it's fairly unreasonable not to let them keep siblings occupied on the sidelinesif they aren't old enough to be home alone.

It's incredibly cheeky to ask for a proper full party guest experience for a sibling just because you haven't taught them they can't have everything though.

Only problem is having already implied you're fine with it - taking back a yes is far harder than saying no in the first place.

Willow2017 · 07/02/2018 10:08

No no no.
Its nothing to do with her other child and nothing to do with you how she cant tell her child this.
Just explain you have had to limit numnets of friends that were invited so you cant have non friends attending.

Just make sure she doesnt drop and run! Let the friend in at the door and say bye and firmly shut it so there is no room for discussion.

Nomorecakes · 07/02/2018 10:09

Is it all girls that are going to the party? If so it’s easy to explain that it’s just a girly party with girly stuff and activities. Or just say that their isn’t room for extra as you have been strict with the numbers could invite.

k2p2k2tog · 07/02/2018 10:10

otherwise he'll cry and be jealous'

Her problem, not your problem. Say no, you have limited space and no space to accommodate extras.

And then never invite the CF's child again.

WallaceSimpson · 07/02/2018 10:11

Agree with everybody else don't say its OK then be pissed off. Tell her you'll have to say no as dd has had to limit numbers. Cheeky bugger but your problem if her ds is kickubg off Confused

midnightmisssuki · 07/02/2018 10:14

just say no - but i see youve already said yes. If she has form for this then be preapred for this to be the norm. Also - some of the other parents with siblings might feel annoyed as youve said no to them and yes to this lady.

Butterymuffin · 07/02/2018 10:15

Next time you see her, tell her more classmates have confirmed they're coming now so there won't be room for siblings. I understand you were put on the spot, and you're totally within your rights to say no, but you'll need to be very clear with her now.

cingolimama · 07/02/2018 10:15

OP, you must text/call this mother and tell her, in no uncertain terms, NO! This is supposed to be your daughter's special day. Don't derail it.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/02/2018 10:15

Blimey some people really have some front! CF.

My girls are twins and they weren't invited to every party together, I wouldn't have dreamt of asking if the other could attend as well.

Davespecifico · 07/02/2018 10:15

Absolutely not. What a strange person to even mention it to you. Only mitigatingish circumstance would be if he has SENs and genuinely can’t cope with things other children can. But even then, it’s not your problem.