AIBU to say no to a sibling attending birthday party?

[sleepietortoise]

So it's my daughter's 5th birthday party soon and we've decided to have the party at home. We invited a handful of classmates and were v strict with her about how many she could invite as the party is at home so don't have the room for the whole class. The mum of one of the girls she invited has asked if her older brother can come too - because 'otherwise he'll cry and be jealous' that she's going to something he isn't. Had she said she had a childcare problem I'd have been happier BUT she did this last year (where it wasn't a problem as the party was in a hall and my daughter hadn't had to choose who to invite) and she has 2 other children who obviously are being looked after that day so it's not a question of that. She was v upfront that it's just because she thinks he'll feel left out. He barely knows my daughter and doesn't know anyone else being invited. And there are genuinely other friends she would have invited that we've said no to (and I won't have enough party bags etc!). AIBU to say he can't come? She's a bit pushy and I was kind of put on the spot when she asked and I sort of said it would probably be ok but it was v clear I wasn't v happy about it.

It’s your party and you can set the rules as you see fit.

Just tell CF mum no. It’s not that hard.

but there is one person whose 2-yr-old is friends with my son - who will also be there

So, the 2 yr old is a family friend then, isn’t he? One who you may well have invited to keep your son company during the party for all cheeky parent knows.

When DS1 has had parties, then I’ve usually invited a couple of siblings (space permitting) who are DS2’s age and friendly with DS2, so that DS2 has a few kids his own age to play with. That’s an entirely different scenario to an unknown sibling tagging along IMO.
You shouldn’t feel like you have to bar siblings that are friends with all your DC just because another parent wants to bring along a sibling that none of your DC knows.

YANBU. Just tell her No. I’m so glad I have passed the birthday party stage. They cause more problems than they are worth. Her ds will cry? That’s her problem!

I’d just say you’re already feeling terrible for having to exclude some classmates due to space limitations so it’s fine if she doesn’t want to let her daughter come to your party without her brother. You will invite another child from the class instead. Otherwise, it’s only the invited child, sorry.

Update!
Never received a response to my message but saw her at school gates this morning. Got the 'of son can't come then daughter can't either' so just said 'no problem, we can invite one of the other friends she wanted.'
Done. Dusted. Phew.
Now super prepared for if anyone else asks!

Well done. Superb work.

Cheeky fucker!!

Give yourself a gold star OP!

So she doesn't want to upset her son, but is happy to upset her daughter (I assume she'll find out)?

Her poor DD. You did the right thing OP.

Well done, OP.

Hope your daughter has a fab party.

Her poor DD! Not your problem of course but what an awful way to treat her dd.

Unbelievable!!

Phew! Perfect response this morning OP! I bet she was never expecting you so say that! Good for you, glad it’s sorted.

Well done, great result

Well done, OP, with both the text message and in person conversation.

But that other mother is a disgrace to punish her daughter (by not letting her come to the party) just because she's too gutless/lazy to say 'no' to her son. I wonder if the son is a golden child.

What a CF, she expected you to relent & let her son go to the party, now her daughter misses out, poor kid, although I suspect she may still turn up with her daughter.

I think you've done completely the right thing. But I also feel quite sorry for the small child who may end up going to very few parties if her mum pulls the same stunt with all the other birthday parties the kid is invited to. By the time the mum realises what she's done, the kid's social life outside of school is going to be torpeedoed.

How mean of her, to prevent her dd attending just to appease her son. Guess who's going to grow up into an entitled arse.

Ime, when people start behaving like that, then other people stop inviting either of the children, or giving presents etc. Happened with my cousins - their mum insisted the godmother of one had to always give exactly the same present to each child, despite her not being godmum to the other and that other girl having her own godparents who gave her very substantial gifts (but nothing for the other girl!). In the end, the godmother would buy lovely and expensive gifts for her goddaughter, my aunt would turn them down unless godmother gave to the sister too, godmother gave the gifts to me! Nice for me, crap for my cousin.

What's the betting when she realises you're serious she'll suddenly decide dd is able to come after all? She was probably expecting you to relent and when you didn't she realised she's up shit creek and now she'll have a stroppy dd on her hands instead of a stroppy ds

Feel sorry for her children. Her parenting skills are shocking. She can’t explain to her DS he isn’t invited to everything her DD is invited to and DD misses out because she doesn’t get her own way. Great example to her children - NOT!!

I wouldn't fill that place too quickly OP, wouldn't be surprised if she relents.

Oh wpw! What a really horrible response from her. So now her DD misses out because of her DS's spoiled behaviour? That's sending her DD all sorts of messages isn't it?

Well done though OP

I wouldn't fill that place too quickly OP, wouldn't be surprised if she relents.

Well it'll be too late then won't it?