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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to a sibling attending birthday party?

117 replies

sleepietortoise · 07/02/2018 09:53

So it's my daughter's 5th birthday party soon and we've decided to have the party at home. We invited a handful of classmates and were v strict with her about how many she could invite as the party is at home so don't have the room for the whole class. The mum of one of the girls she invited has asked if her older brother can come too - because 'otherwise he'll cry and be jealous' that she's going to something he isn't. Had she said she had a childcare problem I'd have been happier BUT she did this last year (where it wasn't a problem as the party was in a hall and my daughter hadn't had to choose who to invite) and she has 2 other children who obviously are being looked after that day so it's not a question of that. She was v upfront that it's just because she thinks he'll feel left out. He barely knows my daughter and doesn't know anyone else being invited. And there are genuinely other friends she would have invited that we've said no to (and I won't have enough party bags etc!). AIBU to say he can't come? She's a bit pushy and I was kind of put on the spot when she asked and I sort of said it would probably be ok but it was v clear I wasn't v happy about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepietortoise · 07/02/2018 11:16

Well I guess I'd ask what's happening with her other 2 kids. Problem is there may be one or two people who genuinely donhave a childcare issue so don't want her turning round later and making a fuss because there's someone else's sibling there andbhaving to explain.

OP posts:
DameGlitterSparkles · 07/02/2018 11:19

What the fuck is wrong with these cheeky parents and their entitled behaviour?!

Steamcloud · 07/02/2018 11:23

Don't get in to details and ask about the other kids! She'll tell you they both have parties to go to and little Johnny will be the only one on his own!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/02/2018 11:33

What childcare issue can you actually have with a drop off party? She's not expected to stay, so she takes Sonny Jim back home with her...

SparkleFizz · 07/02/2018 11:37

It wouldn’t surprise me if she invented a big childcare issue.

“Oh, babysitter X can only manage to look after 2 kids, so I can’t leave big brother with X, and invited child is too little to stay by herself....”

bridgetreilly · 07/02/2018 11:38

That is the cheekiest request I have ever heard. NO!!!

phoenix1973 · 07/02/2018 11:39

That does not work for me. We don't have the space, unfortunately he cannot come.
That's all.
She may huff or strop but rather that than dealing with her boy if he kicks off.
Worst case is she may withdraw her daughter.

SparkleFizz · 07/02/2018 11:40

YANBU btw.

He’s not entitled to a share of everything his sister gets, and his mum is doing him no favours by trying to get him an invite.

fruitbrewhaha · 07/02/2018 11:41

God no, just tell her you are limited to number s and have invited DD friends.

TalkinBoutWhat · 07/02/2018 11:42

Oh my goodness, absolutely say no! What a ridiculous excuse to ask for a sibling to attend a party.

The only time I specifically asked if a sibling (younger) could (possibly|) stay at the party was when the host specifically requested parents to stay to supervise their own children, and my DH was on standby to travel for work. The parent said no, so I said that unfortunately then if DH did travel my other child couldn't attend the party either, as I couldn't manage to be in two places at the same time, so did she want to have him down as a 'maybe' or should I just say no straight away?

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/02/2018 11:54

You are teaching her ds a very important lesson today. Actually you’re also teaching it to his mother.

windchimesabotage · 07/02/2018 11:59

YANBU

AlexaAmbidextra · 07/02/2018 12:00

Oh well OP. You know what her response will be don't you? You've just handed it to her on a plate. Hmm

wheresmyphone · 07/02/2018 12:03

NO! and if she tries to pull a fast one saying his sister now can't go, smile gracefully and say thats a shame.

This mother is ridiculous

Jux · 07/02/2018 12:22

Now she's going to think of a big childcare issue which means she can't drop and collect.

You really do have to be unequivocal about these things, and very very clear. No room for maneouvre - sorry, now we've had all replies it will not be possible to have your ds at the party.

And be prepared to say no at the door with a 'crying' ds too. Just take in the girl and say brightly "see you later", shutting the door firmly.

BlueMirror · 07/02/2018 12:37

If you can accommodate him (as it seems you will be for others with valid reasons in your book) I'd have just let him come! I wouldn't personally take my child to a party they're not invited to to avoid whining but that's her issue not yours.
If I really couldn't accommodate I have just texted to say 'sorry, we're going to have to say X can't come to the party. We've had a few parents ask about siblings now and there just won't be the room. Feel free to drop X off so you can take her brother out to do something nice.' And then don't invite other siblings. Of course she'll be annoyed if other siblings are there and you've said there isn't room. It's not a room issue - it's your negative judgement on how she's handling her son's disappointment.

BlueMirror · 07/02/2018 12:39

And I agree it is likely now that she will invent a childcare issue which means that she will need to drop all of the children 😂

poppy1973 · 07/02/2018 12:44

Just say no, be really polite about it.

Original poster
sleepietortoise · 07/02/2018 12:58

Not here genuinelynisnt room but there is one person whose 2-yr-old is friends with my son - who will also be there - as well as my daughter and won't have other childcare arrangements and if they want to stay rather than drop off then I would probably say that's ok. Because a 2-yr-old won't Take up Much space, food or party bag and knows my children. I'd rather no siblings came but don't want to exclude people who have a genuine reason when she doesn't.

OP posts:
Jux · 07/02/2018 13:23

It's down to you which children come to the party. There's not a rule written in heaven saying if you have one sibling then you must take all siblings. You can say no to one and yes to another, because "we are all individuals", and some siblings will fit in better than others, some know your children better than others etc.

So just because you might have one (or two, or 35 siblings) doesn't mean you have to have another sibling who won't fit in and who doesn't know your children.

Jux · 07/02/2018 13:25

And don't start justifying your choices to her either; I'm sure she'll start saying "why X and not my ds" if she gets half a chance. It's not her business. It's not her business whether you know that child well and your son likes him and they play well together or anything. You do not need to explain your choices to her. So don't.

Pearlsaringer · 07/02/2018 13:30

Honestly, OP, your party, your rules. You don’t have to explain yourself, or consider anyone else’s childcare problems, or even be “fair”. This is one of those instances where you get to have the final say. She’ll come back and say she has unavoidable childcare issues. You say you’re sorry to hear that and assume in that case neither child will be attending, is that right? Is she has any sense she’ll back down at that point.

If she is cheeky enough to turn up with him in tow, you do not invite her in. You take invited child in off the doorstep and say “see you later!” to the mum and uninvited child.

It would be nice maybe to send some cake home for him or even a party bag if you can stretch to it but you don’t have to.

Jamiefraserskilt · 07/02/2018 13:31

No
No
No
There are fixed numbers for a reason. Dd has chosen who she wants to be there.
All places are filled
There will be no extras, I am afraid

Poor wee snowflake will have to learn that he cannot have everything he wants. Although I suspect this is more to do with her desire to bin him off than his burning desire to attend a party of kids he doesn't know.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/02/2018 13:32

Exactly. Other invited siblings (who've been invited because they're family friends) are a different matter, and none of her business.

PattiStanger · 07/02/2018 13:55

It's your house, you can have whomever you choose, you don't need to explain or justify.

Stick to your guns