Another in-law one...

[forfuxache]

Argh! I don't know if I'm being an UR shrew or if I'm justified in being annoyed.

It's DHs birthday today. He's at work. I went out this morning and bought all the ingredients for a lovely three course dinner of his favourite things.

We have a toddler (22 months) and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. So as you can imagine chances for a romantic evening are thin on the ground. However, I'm finally feeling not so exhausted and a bit more chipper and our toddler has been playing ball recently by going to bed promptly by seven. DH will be home for half seven so we'll start to eat by eight. So, my plan is to have dinner, chill out then have an, ahem, early night together - he'll love it.

Inlaws asked DH last weekend if they could come for a cuppa around 8pm on his birthday to give him his card and present. He asked me (as he guessed I might have plans) and I said it wouldn't work, but would he like to invite them for dinner at the weekend instead - I'll cook. Didn't think anymore of it.

Now I've had FIL texting me this afternoon saying DH has told them it's not going to work for them to come today but they only want to come for half an hour? Why can't they? I replied nicely, saying really sorry but I'm cooking a three course meal which we won't start until eight but did DH ask them about the weekend - if so what day suits, what do they fancy to eat etc.

Got a snotty reply back from MIL saying she doesn't understand why they can't just pop in quickly to give DH his card and present, they don't mind if we're eating!

Argh! I replied saying that I was planning a 'bit of a romantic evening' (big enough hint, no?) and she's still not happy. Says she's surprised as she thought we were having a romantic evening next week when they babysit while we go out for dinner. I should add I didn't ask them to babysit. MIL offered when I said I'd got a table at a restaurant we like, and DD will be in bed.

AIBU to be cross? I've been nice, I've I invites them another night and offered to cook for them. Short of saying 'well MIL I might fancy shagging DH on the sofa at some point - I've even shaved my legs y'know - so it's not really appropriate that you're here!! Also we're tired parents - once we've had our fun we'll no doubt want to be asleep by half ten!'

They have no boundaries I swear! I know DH is their son and they love him, but he's 35 years old! Surely they don't HAVE to see him on his actual birthday?!?

No real backstory here, except for MIL doesn't like being told no. Which she isn't very often. Except for the time she wanted to visit a week after DD was born (they day after I got out of hospital after a truly terrible birth and was really quite unwell still) and threw a massive tantrum when we said no, give us a day or two please. Other than that, they are fine.

Is it me??

I think it's pretty obvious why we get lots of Mil threads on here as most posters will be airing grievances and yet duck who purports to be on mn for a long time apparently has missed all the I love my Mil threads. or what can I get my lovely Mil for Xmas or my heart is broken Mil is drying.

It's bloody obvious there must be far more wonderful mils out there than bad uns
But it's not worth posting about really when things go well

You post for support and advice on here, commiserations and laughs.

Oh this is like the good old days of NavyAndWhite. The unreasonable MIL outraged on behalf of all MILS everywhere whether they were actually outraged or not. GreatDuckCookery is just like her. Bless.

My pil saw dc first, all it cemented was that they cared about dc but not me. When I saw my mum a few days later she brought things to help me, asked how I was before anything else, made me a drink, etc.

Mils seem to mostly want to see the baby, mums want to make sure their daughter is ok as well. I only know one person who's mil seemed to care about her as well as baby and I am deeply envious as all her in laws seem perfect and she really loves spending time with them. The other mums I know had my experience.

Navy was far more scathing than I've been! Some of the replies to me have been pretty shitty but I'm not whinging.

You know that moment when you think Andrea Leadsom might be on the thread ....?

GreatDuckCookery Wed 07-Feb-18 18:51:39 Navy was far more scathing than I've been! Some of the replies to me have been pretty shitty but I'm not whinging

It's almost as if you learned everything about being a MIL from her though.

Hang on that's not fair at all Flaky. It's been a long old discussion that's gone off on all sorts of tangents and all I've done is reply to people.

Just like everyone else on the thread has done. Just because I'm in a minority here doesn't mean I'm arrogant or pighead we just have a difference of opinion.

I haven't resorted to name calling because I haven't liked what has been written!

Navy was far more scathing than I've been! Some of the replies to me have been pretty shitty but I'm not whinging.

Sounds like whinging to me!

I always imagined Navy sitting there As-ing the day's posts for that MIL klaxon and then leaping on thread to tell us all what utterly awful DIL's we must be. And then sitting back with a hobnob and a cup of earl grey secure in the knowledge of a job well done.

My MIL has a position at our local hospital. She came with me to the 12 week scan when my husband was away. When I needed blood tests, she kept me company. Whilst I was in labour, she popped in to give support (and my DH a plate of cheese, biscuits and chutney?!?!). She was the first GP to meet her GC, with my DM and FIL not far behind. The day I came home from the hospital and my C-Section stitches burst, she took me straight back and chatted away to the nurses while they cleaned, stitched and re-dressed the wound. We are currently living with my PIL. We have a fabulous relationship and they love watching their DG grow up. My DM has absolutely no issues whatsoever with my PIL, nor does she begrudge the amount of time they spend with DG, which is no where near equal.

Just because I have a great relationship with my MIL, it doesn't blinker me to thinking that all DIL's that do not get on with their MIL's are 'haters'.

My ExMiL is a good old stick, to be fair. She loves the DC, we swap Xmas cards, she's very funny and kind.

I love my MIL
I am a MIL who loves her SIL, I have grown up children who I am very close to.
We are together every Sunday unless NUFC have a home match.

I still don't agree that I must see my grown up children on their birthdays. I give them their card/presents on the Sunday before.

It is not a dig at me that they enjoy their own time as a nuclear family.

Don't be disingenuous. You have been very nasty to the OP and have extrapolated all kinds of rubbish that neither they, nor anyone else has even said.

Try broken record:

Sorry mil were having a romantic meal meal followed by sofa shagging for dessert, we can't do that if you're watching, looking forward to seeing you at the weekend' repeat repeat repeat

I really want to hear from OP instead of the hijacking, comandeering whinger that has no idea her DIL is (likely) seriously intimidated by her.... but you're not allowed to tell her that! 🤣 she thinks she's "invited....

When my eldest was born I was unwell for quite a long time. For the first 2 weeks the only visitors the hospital allowed were DH and my parents. So my parents saw their grandchild every day and the ILs saw her only once when DH booked a special room in the hospital and brought DD down to meet his family. Any other attempted visits were stopped by the hospital staff.
When it comes to giving birth the birthing mother is a priority and equal access is irrelevant.

You know that moment when you think Andrea Leadsom might be on the thread ....?

My MIL was a lovely lady. She died very suddenly and I miss her even now. I've never met anyone quite as obsessed with tea as she was - every time I see a teapot it reminds me of her and makes me smile. I had a MN thread running at the time when she was very ill and we were losing her, under my old profile pre-Jeffreygate. Clearly that didn't count amongst the supposed reams of MIL-hating threads on here.

Funnily enough, I don't see many MIL-hating threads. IMO they are more often than not asking for genuine advice as to how to try and manage the relationship - and like many things, you tend to get requests for help when something is not going well. In view of that is it really a surprise that there's a greater volume of threads about MIL problems than MIL successes?