Another in-law one...

[forfuxache]

Argh! I don't know if I'm being an UR shrew or if I'm justified in being annoyed.

It's DHs birthday today. He's at work. I went out this morning and bought all the ingredients for a lovely three course dinner of his favourite things.

We have a toddler (22 months) and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. So as you can imagine chances for a romantic evening are thin on the ground. However, I'm finally feeling not so exhausted and a bit more chipper and our toddler has been playing ball recently by going to bed promptly by seven. DH will be home for half seven so we'll start to eat by eight. So, my plan is to have dinner, chill out then have an, ahem, early night together - he'll love it.

Inlaws asked DH last weekend if they could come for a cuppa around 8pm on his birthday to give him his card and present. He asked me (as he guessed I might have plans) and I said it wouldn't work, but would he like to invite them for dinner at the weekend instead - I'll cook. Didn't think anymore of it.

Now I've had FIL texting me this afternoon saying DH has told them it's not going to work for them to come today but they only want to come for half an hour? Why can't they? I replied nicely, saying really sorry but I'm cooking a three course meal which we won't start until eight but did DH ask them about the weekend - if so what day suits, what do they fancy to eat etc.

Got a snotty reply back from MIL saying she doesn't understand why they can't just pop in quickly to give DH his card and present, they don't mind if we're eating!

Argh! I replied saying that I was planning a 'bit of a romantic evening' (big enough hint, no?) and she's still not happy. Says she's surprised as she thought we were having a romantic evening next week when they babysit while we go out for dinner. I should add I didn't ask them to babysit. MIL offered when I said I'd got a table at a restaurant we like, and DD will be in bed.

AIBU to be cross? I've been nice, I've I invites them another night and offered to cook for them. Short of saying 'well MIL I might fancy shagging DH on the sofa at some point - I've even shaved my legs y'know - so it's not really appropriate that you're here!! Also we're tired parents - once we've had our fun we'll no doubt want to be asleep by half ten!'

They have no boundaries I swear! I know DH is their son and they love him, but he's 35 years old! Surely they don't HAVE to see him on his actual birthday?!?

No real backstory here, except for MIL doesn't like being told no. Which she isn't very often. Except for the time she wanted to visit a week after DD was born (they day after I got out of hospital after a truly terrible birth and was really quite unwell still) and threw a massive tantrum when we said no, give us a day or two please. Other than that, they are fine.

Is it me??

@Ickyockycocky but when it comes to childbirth 9 times out of 10, they are.

I don't know anyone who says "I really need my MIL" after just giving birth, learning to breastfeed, bleeding everywhere, possibly with a catheter hanging out of them!
As lovely as some MILs are they didn't raise the DIL and therefore usually don't have that kind of bond or relationship.

Christ I could ask my mum to look at my stitches and feel zero embarrassment. Whereas I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding under a blanket in front of MIL. There's no right or wrong, it's just how it is!!

Funny how you take only the side of the DILs of the story for gospel isn't it Name? I'd love DIL to give her side of the story too now you mention, it would be quite comical and shut down the likes of you that's for sure!

ThroughThick if one thing being on MN has taught me it's how to behave in the MIL department, that and being laid back and keeping quiet when needed. Follow those rules and I'm sure you'll be grand

Well to be fair Icky, they kind of are before GC come along.

@greatduckcookery...some how I highly doubt that.

OP DIL has quite a few scans before her 20 week one so knew everything was fine with the baby. Her mum and two sisters had been there for previous scans so that's why she asked me if I'd like to go. I didn't ask or insinuate that I'd like to go if I'm honest it hasn't entered my head and I certainly wasn't bothered that her mum had been to her other scans!

Why? Because MILs are always wrong? Of course, silly me. Can just bet what type of MIL you're going to be!

I'd love to hear my mil view on everything. My dil got in a mood when I wouldn't give her dd back to her when she was screaming. Why doesn't my dil like it when I tell her how she's parenting wrong? My ds nd dil are not talking to me because my family trashed her parents holiday home and I think they should just forget about it? My dil got mad when I announced her pregnancy to our family before they could? Sometimes mil' s really are just horrible people who bring any hate on themselves

@greatduckcookery...not one that would see it as normal for their adult children to be at my house at 9am to see me open your presents 🤣

This thread is very entertaining

I think the thing is @GreatDuckCookery - you may well be a model MIL who never irritates her DIL. I highly doubt it, maybe she's just not confident in dealing with you if your tenacity in this thread is anything to go by, but it could be true. But even if it is, what you fail to grasp is that everyone is not you.

I've said it many times now - I don't dislike my MIL. She's been part of my life for over ten years and I care about her. I spend probably a whole morning a week with her and FIL because they love to spend time with DD and as a SAHM I can accommodate it. My MIL isn't a horrible person, and she's a lovely Granny. However, she can be selfish and spoilt and she needs telling no once in a while when she starts this. That doesn't make me (of any of the other posters on here who are telling you similar) a MIL hater! It makes me human, with a low tolerance level for bratty behaviour from a woman who is old enough to know better.

Interesting how having a good DIL is considered down to luck other than fostering healthy relationships.

Who has said that? It's certainly not my opinion. DIL and I are friendly and quite similar in some ways and I would say we've both worked hard to get where we are. I don't judge or pass comment on any of the decisions she and DS make, just try and be as supportive as I can without stepping on their toes. It works well, thankfully.

@greatduckcookery...not one that would see it as normal for their adult children to be at my house at 9am to see me open your presents 🤣

We are a close family. Nothing wrong with grown up children wanting to wish their parent a happy birthday. Wouldn't wish it any other way.

I'd love to hear your MILs side of the story too OP

But that's your family surely you understand that some people would rather stick pins in their eyes than have that level of closeness.

When the inevitable moaning reaches me (which it will, I'm surprised it hasn't already!) I shall be sure to update you all

OK I'm sure it will be a tale of how horrible you are denying her seeing her son on his birthday with no mention of the offer of a meal cooked at the weekend

But that's your family surely you understand that some people would rather stick pins in their eyes than have that level of closeness

I don't honestly care what other families do but I wouldn't berate someone for not behaving the way we are.

A poster said 'I hope I'm lucky enough to get a DIL like yours'. I was responding to that.

OP actually revised my thoughts on your MIL reading your review of your evening ,so sorry.The fact that she rang your DHs phone several times at the time you would be relaxing and enjoying your meal does sounds pushy and overbearing.I was coming from the angle that when our DCs were little both my parents and PILs lived fairly close and would usually drop in with our presents and say hello if they'd not already had chance to see us before.But not every birthday,and certainly wouldn't be put out if it wasn't convenient. It was rather rude of her to keep ringing.Generally hate people doing that anyway,especially if they know you've something on.

I think it will be along the lines of:

'Well, we said we didn't mind if they went ahead and ate when we were there, what is her problem? She's only cooking dinner. DGD would have been pleased to see us too if she was still up! And we wouldn't have stayed long anyway, only an hour or two. Why can't they eat while we're there, we're family and he's my boy!'

This will probably be relayed to me via SIL who will have nicely tried to tell her mother that it's not unreasonable to what a night in together alone but who will have been spoken over and just said 'hhhhmmm' until the rant ended.

Can you tell we've been here before?!

‘Oh yes we heard the phone go MIL. DH and I were ‘otherwise engaged’ if you get my drift.’

but I wouldn't berate someone for not behaving the way we are.

TheElements

My MIL told dp that he’d ruined Christmas because he didn’t ring her for a two hour chat on the day. We were seeing them on Boxing Day!

Yes but each grandmother is equally a grandmother and in most cases will love the grandchildren just as much.

It's a shame if one of them feels second best.

"But I wouldn't berate someone for notbehaving the way we are."

😂😂😂

That's basically EXACTLY what you've done throughout the thread!