Another in-law one...

[forfuxache]

Argh! I don't know if I'm being an UR shrew or if I'm justified in being annoyed.

It's DHs birthday today. He's at work. I went out this morning and bought all the ingredients for a lovely three course dinner of his favourite things.

We have a toddler (22 months) and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. So as you can imagine chances for a romantic evening are thin on the ground. However, I'm finally feeling not so exhausted and a bit more chipper and our toddler has been playing ball recently by going to bed promptly by seven. DH will be home for half seven so we'll start to eat by eight. So, my plan is to have dinner, chill out then have an, ahem, early night together - he'll love it.

Inlaws asked DH last weekend if they could come for a cuppa around 8pm on his birthday to give him his card and present. He asked me (as he guessed I might have plans) and I said it wouldn't work, but would he like to invite them for dinner at the weekend instead - I'll cook. Didn't think anymore of it.

Now I've had FIL texting me this afternoon saying DH has told them it's not going to work for them to come today but they only want to come for half an hour? Why can't they? I replied nicely, saying really sorry but I'm cooking a three course meal which we won't start until eight but did DH ask them about the weekend - if so what day suits, what do they fancy to eat etc.

Got a snotty reply back from MIL saying she doesn't understand why they can't just pop in quickly to give DH his card and present, they don't mind if we're eating!

Argh! I replied saying that I was planning a 'bit of a romantic evening' (big enough hint, no?) and she's still not happy. Says she's surprised as she thought we were having a romantic evening next week when they babysit while we go out for dinner. I should add I didn't ask them to babysit. MIL offered when I said I'd got a table at a restaurant we like, and DD will be in bed.

AIBU to be cross? I've been nice, I've I invites them another night and offered to cook for them. Short of saying 'well MIL I might fancy shagging DH on the sofa at some point - I've even shaved my legs y'know - so it's not really appropriate that you're here!! Also we're tired parents - once we've had our fun we'll no doubt want to be asleep by half ten!'

They have no boundaries I swear! I know DH is their son and they love him, but he's 35 years old! Surely they don't HAVE to see him on his actual birthday?!?

No real backstory here, except for MIL doesn't like being told no. Which she isn't very often. Except for the time she wanted to visit a week after DD was born (they day after I got out of hospital after a truly terrible birth and was really quite unwell still) and threw a massive tantrum when we said no, give us a day or two please. Other than that, they are fine.

Is it me??

It's gives all the DILs a chance to get all that pent up angst off their chests

That probably includes your DIL too. Shouldn't imagine she would dare say anything to your face!

I think Duck actually over-egged her persona a yolk too far quite while ago by using the phrase 'MIL haterz', which is by anyone's standards pretty immature.

But, as a pp said, it's been an entertaining thread.

Wind the clock forward some years and imagine if your DSs wife says you can't see him on his birthday...see the problem?

Why don't you get DH to pop in and see them instead or have them come earlier while you are cooking and DH sees them?

The threads moved on a bit since the initial post Wax.

Come on now at least have the courage of your convictions.

MN is renowned for hating the MIL variety. It's hardly a secret. Every second thread on AIBU is about someone's MIL. Some threads are warranted I agree but some are just laughable. But posters know they will get hundreds of replies saying that MIL is a bitch hun.

Tbf my mil is a bitch.... not just to me, she's a bitch to many people. But if I say that does it make me a mil hater?

curiousaboutSam saying she didn't commandeer was in reply to my post upthread where l challenged this idea that you must hate your Mil if she annoys the hell out of you occasionally. I have firmly been put in the Mil haterz camp no doubt as l said l love mine but when she goes into commandeering mode l daydream of putting her under the patio.clearly a joke but hey

@WaxOnFeckOff you're a bit late to the party.

Feck indeed, I didn't see there was more than one page! :o

Anyone want to summarise the rest?

GRAPHISTA -what a cynical comment based one one family.I would describe our family as 'close' in that we talk to our DDs most days,but it's generally them phoning for a chat whilst they drive to or from work.In fact they phone me far more than I them,I know they have busy lives,as do we.We share a family what's app group which is often hilarious, have big bbqs in summer and a get together at Xmas.This year only one DC came as the others went to partners families.Fine by me.And we went on a holiday with all of them and their partners a few years ago and had separate apartments and did some meals en masses, but a lot of separate stuff.Some families are genuinely 'close' and not dysfunctional or controlled by some matriarch. A lot of our family stuff is suggested or driven by our adult DCs -and it's lovely and I celebrate the fact.

@WaxOnFeckOff I wouldn't even know where to begin!
What I have learned it that some parents can't accept that their adult son would rather have sexy times with their wife than see mummy!
Also, apparently when a baby is born, MIL is the most important person to please.
But most importantly, the OP's husband got laid last night!

Erm if you read my posts properly NOT based on one family but one family described as an example actually.

My in laws tried the counting days thing even though they had actually seen my dc far more than than one parent, and quite a lot more than the other.

Now my parents are both dead I have bought into their fairness schedule.

My Mil came to the hospital first and it was a big mistake because she didn't care about me. I was feeling raw in all ways and she poured lemon on my wounds.

Second time round they weren't even told.
New mums are the top priority.. They have to keep a baby Alive. Diss mum and your harming the baby.

Op so glad you managed to have a good time. Just A shame this cloud was over it.

Cheers InTo I'll not bother then :)

Good god, Duck, you've posted on this thread more than anyone, leaped to the most ridiculous conclusions, told us your MIL-DIL lifestory, made us all hoot with laughter at you not berating other families for doing things differently, made us all squirm a little at the idea of adult children.bouncing onto your bed on birthday morning (were they all wearing matching jumpers too?)
Never mind your own thread, you should start a How to be a Perfect MIL blog.

Or alternatively cop hold of yourself and give over.

(Have great relationship with inlaws, see them when I want, MIL was with me in delivery room when dd was born. )

Jumping on the bed? A bit of embellishment there Perfume. I said no such thing. Seems some of you can't stand the thought that there a families that actually like each other and get on.

This thread proves that no matter what MILs do they are in the wrong.

Bear in mind that when you all become Grannies

“Wind the clock forward some years and imagine if your DSs wife says you can't see him on his birthday...see the problem?”

No. It’s called being a grown up and having your own life

The wife didn’t say she couldn’t see him. The husband wanted a meal and a shag, without his mum watching him eat.

It’s totally OK to say ‘mind if I pop by with a card.’
Only someone utterly without boundaries would keep pushing after ‘no we are having a romantic meal wink wink.’ And then call repeatedly during the meal.

You know that moment when you think Andrea Leadsom might be on the thread ....?

@ihatepeppapig.....it wasn't a nice request, it was an order and an expectation that we would do as she said. So no, I'm not being unreasonable.

Bear in mind that when you all become Grannies

Well hopefully we'll give the (grown up) kids a bit of space to help that happen!! Not barge in and expect front wow seats!

I can only assume that these MILs who think they should be given priority don't have daughters. If they did, they'd be getting first dibs there wouldn't they, because as said many times, when you're in travail you want your own mum. Don't worry, MILs of the UK, your turn will come...

Or is it that these MILs' dd's have not wanted them around either? In which case, think about what the problem might be.

Duck I find that sort of comment... I don't know... Naive, nasty? Many couples including myself have Neen driven to couples therapy due to mils with no boundaries.
You think mils can't do right for doing wrong and yet usually people like to get on with people... I'm a sociable person I would have adored a wonderful Mil... Sadly her own personality and actions preclude my dream.

Her own actions being rude, nasty competitive... Horrid to her son... Nasty to her gc... And pulling focus on herself.