AIBU to be devastated I can't have a child because I can't earn more than min wage

[stupidshittyartsdegree]

My whole life is an utter mess. I'm early 30s, no career, no prospects. Did a creative type degree I loved to try to get a job I loved. Didn't care about not being rich but never expected to always be on minimum wage where you cannot afford to live independently as a single woman.

I am frantic with despair and short of a time machine, don't know how I can change anything. I can't afford to do an access course and do another degree in science or engineering or somesuch. I can't even afford to move out of the miserable moneypit that is London at the moment so stuck here.

I put off having children until my 30s thinking I'd be sorted with an ok job, and I'm no more financially stable than I was 10 years ago. I could not afford to provide for a child, that won't change anytime soon.

AIBU to give up and accept I will never have a career or children?

I just don't get it. All my friends have been successful, I'm the only one who didn't make it.

What about making things for etsy or a Facebook page of your own if you are creative?

Is there a reason you won’t answer what your degree actually is @stupidshittyartsdegree? There’s a big difference between a third in ceramics and a first in English for example??

She won't answer any other questions either, like the important one of how old her partner's other children are. So don't hold your breath!

"because I'm too thick to find a decent job"

Please don't talk about yourself that way op. I'd write it off as a bad day but it might not be and if that's the case you don't need a new job but a new outlook on yourself

Do a PGCE and train as a Teacher.

You get a good bursary for doing so, and your earnings will greatly increase from what they are now, even in your first year of teaching. You can get loans too whilst you train.

If the bursary isn’t enough for you to live on, try and get a part time place at a uni, and work part time (you’ll get the same bursary spread over 2 years).

Should she not have an interest in children or teaching or her subject though @Argeles? Surely you’ll be a crappy teacher if you’re in it for 20k!!

@apacketofcrisps

I used to to be a Secondary School Teacher (now a sahm & student), after having aspired to that career throughout my childhood.

I therefore agree that you should want to teach if you’re going to train to teach. I thought that maybe the op may have considered it before, but assumed she wouldn’t be able to afford to train.

I have 2 friends who believed the same until I told them about the finances. Both are now Teachers and haven’t looked back since.

Lots of people have suggested teaching.

Unless you absolutely want to be a teacher this is not the answer. I really wanted to and couldn't handle PGCE year. So many people drop out. You have to really, really want it and not be able to imagine doing anything else and you have to be absolutely on top of your mental health.

PGCE/teaching is not a convenient get out clause for anyone with a degree!

I'm sorry but you do come across as if you are wallowing. Your partner pays for his existing children. Do you think he wouldn't pay for future children? If it's a case that you think he couldn't afford anymore then you have chosen the wrong person. It's good that you are thinking about the financial implicTions of having a child but don't over complicate this. If everyone scrunitised how much children cost no one would ever have any ever.

just have to say, "wish I had a daughter", all my wishes are fulfilled to the highest level of satisfaction

That is an absolutely awful thing to say. It’s cruel beyond belief. It’s emotionally abusive

I'm a single mum to two primary aged kids. I don't own a home or drive. I pay extortionate private rent for a home that is habitable but very tired and in need of a significant number of repairs. My FT job earns me £15k a year. I get by with WTCs, housing benefit and CB. I love my job. My children don't go without. We'll get a caravan once year somewhere in the U.K. I also have a very good degree in an artsy subject from a world class university. I'm also caring for my terminally ill mother.

I'd go for your life in an instant. London. A relationship. Tonnes of admin jobs, which can be really fun and increase your social circle. Then try for a baby. None of what I've described is particularly unusual. And it's not an unmeaningful or wasted life.

And pleas don't discount ADs. They can give you strength to cope.

Of course you can have a baby.

OP slightly off topic, I can’t remember if you’re with a DP or DH but I would be very slow to have a baby with a man and consider being a SAHM unless you were married. There was a thread a few months back about this. Don’t do it. You’d have zero entitlements.

Ps just looked that the civil service website. Prison Officer at HMP Wandsworth £31k starting salary. Probably shift work so you could keep childcare costs down if you did have a child.

OP you do sound really low and ok you might not be 'depressed' but you definitely have problems with self esteem. Rationally you have no need to feel like this. So the logical step is finding a way (maybe through counselling) to stop feeling so defeated. It is never too late to start, or start again. Your degree isn't shit or useless either. Unless you bought it off the internet.

You have a degree.
Your twenties were not 'wasted', you were doing a selfless and worthwhile thing as a carer. This meant you were genuinely and reasonably out of the paid workforce. This is nothing to be ashamed of.
You are happily married and it seems you live a reasonable lifestyle apart from the work thing.
Moving out of London is daft. You can do any job existing (apart from maybe be a farmer) in London, so you have lots of choice. So you don't need to think about uprooting.
You do temp work and have earned money through this. They don't send you away saying you aren't good enough so you can't be that bad.
People say nice things about you. They have literally nothing to gain from this so they wouldn't say them if they didn't think them. It doesn't matter if you think they are true or not.

I have serious imposter syndrome, I always think I'm not good enough, sometimes it helps to remember that there are a lot of very stupid people doing jobs that pay much more than mine and they don't get fired or kill anyone so if they can blithely muddle on through it then I need to stop catastrophising about my failings and just get on with each task one by one till I stop being stressed about it!

I really hope you find some confidence just to take that first step because I think it will help you believe in yourself much more once you see that the world out there isn't full of people you aren't like but just full of people making it up as they go along, we are all winging it to some extent.