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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend keeps telling me DD won't need me soon

196 replies

danTDM · 06/02/2018 08:55

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off with this now, DD is 9, friend (who has a teenaged son 19 or so) keeps commenting that DD won't need me when she is 12/13.

Do any parents of DD's have anything to say to this/opinions on this? I remember needing help with friendships/hormones/school/or sorts of things etc.

I find my friends attitude weird to say the least. Why would she KEEP on about this? It is really upsetting me.

She recently got married for the first time to a man she met online, she has started suggesting I do online dating too. I am married! Have been for 16 years! She is also 'too busy' to talk, as if I am not as busy as she is. Frankly, she has disappeared up her own arse. Hmm

She has been my friend for 30 years but I am beginning to get severely fed up with her condescending comments. AIBU?

OP posts:
Nousernamefound · 07/02/2018 17:54

Your teenager might start to become more independent but that doesn’t mean she won’t need you or want to be with you. Maybe your friends son distances himself from his mother for a reason, doesn’t mean your daughter will do the same. Don’t worry. My nearly 17 yr old still needs me for sure and I think she would agree x

Maireadplastic · 07/02/2018 17:55

I overheard someone say 'It's great when they go to secondary school, they just don't need you anymore' accompanied by pushing away gesture. Total bollocks and quite frightening.
(I say this as someone who allowed her children to walk to school by themselves aged 8/9 and hop on buses too).

chattycathy1 · 07/02/2018 17:58

My children are 30, 28 and 25 and they still need me, just in a different way. My children are definitely my friends now and I love spending time with them.

User11011 · 07/02/2018 18:01

I'm 34 and still need my parents Blush
Sounds like your friend is being weird and maybe you just need a bit of breathing space X

StepAwayFromGoogle · 07/02/2018 18:03

I still need my Mum and I'm 41! Can't remember a time when I didn't. She'll still need you, OP x

dragonara53 · 07/02/2018 18:09

My five dd's are all very independent and have been since their teens. The eldest who is now in her 30's left home at 17, then next one down also in her 30's also left at 17. The next one left at 22 the next at 18 and the youngest now 25 will be leaving to go work abroad later in the year. They all have my blessing. The apron strings are well and truly cut. They are all strong women.

AL75 · 07/02/2018 18:22

Your Children will always need you. Doesn't matter if they are 13 or 30! Difference is, their needs will differ

Studentwife · 07/02/2018 18:33

My DD is almost 30 with a child of her own and another on the way. I speak to her at least once everyday (but more like 5 times). She still needs me, she asks my advice on day to day life, her husband, her child, her course work...in fact everything.
Your children ALWAYS need you, it’s just what for that alters as time goes by!

TheNewKaren · 07/02/2018 18:34

Wow!
My DD (13) needs me just as much as ever and there are no signs that this is going to change anytime soon. Smile

Even if she is more independent in her activities, but I’m still very much on call 24/7 be it through texts when I’m at work or at home. Anything from homework help to hairstyles. It’s nice when they need me, but it’s also appreciated when they do things without any help.

Cloudyapples · 07/02/2018 18:37

Late twenties here and still need my mummy sometimes!

lanbro · 07/02/2018 18:37

Well I'm 37 and I still need my mum...what a ridiculous comment!

seagreengirl · 07/02/2018 18:40

Oh gosh, my DD is nineteen and at Art college, she still needs me. I often don't hear from her for days and then she phones and either needs some practical advice or just someone to talk to. Don't worry Smile

Purplepillow94 · 07/02/2018 18:41

She’ll need you her entire life your her mum! Don’t let your friend get to you. The fact that she told you to try internet dating even tho your already married makes her sound like she jealous of your life or something. Probably purposely trying to make you feel crap. Just ignore her.

BusyBeez99 · 07/02/2018 18:43

My DS12 still needs me and likes spending time with us so don't worry

thewrinklefairy · 07/02/2018 18:43

At one time I had 4 pre-school. The logistics were busy and challenging but doable - and I had my evenings!
They are now all teenagers and I have found them far more needy / demanding - but more on an emotional level.
Practically, they are almost self-sufficient but psychologically - not at all.

Redisthemagicolour · 07/02/2018 18:50

My dd is 13 and still needs me. I'm 43 and I still need my mum. Ridiculous bollocks.

ZaZathecat · 07/02/2018 18:56

DC are 18 and 16 and ok, they spend a lot of time in their rooms, but yes when they need me they really need me.

A friend said, re my ds when he was about 11: "He won't want to come on holiday with you in a couple of years". Rubbish. He likes to go with friends but is still keen to go on the family holiday too.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2018 18:59

I've just asked DDs (14 and 18) if they still need their mom. 10yo just looked at me aghast, DD2 said "what sort of stupid question is that?" Grin

Yes she will need you. Just not for the things she needs you for now

Tavimama · 07/02/2018 19:00

My twin daughters are 13, nearly 14 and we have some great chats - I feel lucky that they are still willing to engage and ask for an opinion and/or advice - and hope it will continue. For what it’s worth, I don’t think I will ever NOT need my Mum - and I’m 50!

MycatsaPirate · 07/02/2018 19:03

My DD's are 19 and 12. The teenage years are the most challenging by far and their problems are so complex! Navigating friendships, hormones, boys, spots, school work, exams, further education - it's never ending!

Even now, DD1 rings me most days from uni to talk stuff over, to ask advice or just to chat and get the reassurance from me that life is ok.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 07/02/2018 19:06

My daughter who is 13 currently needs me more for advice, emotional support, confidence building etc than my 8 year old daughter does.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2018 19:09

"She wont need you"
"Dont be silly, I always needed my mom"

"You should try old!"
"Dont be silly, I'm still very much in love"
or
"Are you actually trying to encourage me to cheat on my husband??"

And repeat. Just look at her as though you are confused by your silliness and change the subject.

CoolCarrie · 07/02/2018 19:10

Ignore her, she is talking rubbish.my mil loves saying things like that, “ ds won’t be hugging you anymore now he is a teenager, he will be embarrassed “ and other crap like that, she is wrong, ds is happy to hug his dad as well, as me. Your friend is wrong, don’t t let it get to you. People like that have agendas of their own.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 07/02/2018 19:23

I was told similar by another mum when my daughter started school. I was happy my child wasn't in tears as I left her for her first day. She'd visited before, had a taster day, been to a few summer fairs etc. I didn't want to worry all day while she was at school.

I think it's clearly about her issues and her child. The OLD thing is weird. Has she forgotten your husband? Does she not like him and think you'd be happier with someone else? Does she think he's straying? Weird.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 07/02/2018 19:28

Primary school age! Of course your daughter needs you!

The way your child needs you changes through the years but there will always be a need from most children with good relationships with their mothers.

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