Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend keeps telling me DD won't need me soon

196 replies

danTDM · 06/02/2018 08:55

AIBU to be thoroughly pissed off with this now, DD is 9, friend (who has a teenaged son 19 or so) keeps commenting that DD won't need me when she is 12/13.

Do any parents of DD's have anything to say to this/opinions on this? I remember needing help with friendships/hormones/school/or sorts of things etc.

I find my friends attitude weird to say the least. Why would she KEEP on about this? It is really upsetting me.

She recently got married for the first time to a man she met online, she has started suggesting I do online dating too. I am married! Have been for 16 years! She is also 'too busy' to talk, as if I am not as busy as she is. Frankly, she has disappeared up her own arse. Hmm

She has been my friend for 30 years but I am beginning to get severely fed up with her condescending comments. AIBU?

OP posts:
Chattette · 06/02/2018 11:42

I'm 32 and still need my mum! Your friend sounds really really irritating and like she's trying to get a rise out of you. Just smile and ignore or tell her to stop being ridiculous. Nine years old is still a very young child! She sounds like my friend who always wishes you a happy birthday by saying "you're almost (insert next decade here) now."

Lisajane2810 · 06/02/2018 11:43

my dd is 14 and i still feel very needed! she is just doing her options. we are really enjoying having discussions about her future and i think we are very close and she definetely needs me and values my input and advice. we discuss her friendships. often there are social situations that she likes advice about how to handle for example someones offered them a cigarette.they need to feel you are there for reassurance and as their comfort zone. its probably when they dont feel they have that they feel out of their depth.

DustyMaiden · 06/02/2018 11:45

My DD is 31 and still needs me, there may have been a few months when she was 14/15 when she liked to think she didn't.

FindoGask · 06/02/2018 11:47

It was only in my teenage years that I feel I started getting properly close to my mum, so in my experience at least your friend is talking bobbins.

Dancergirl · 06/02/2018 11:53

She also always finds 9.30pm on a schoolnight is the time to ask one of her 'questions', last week we ended up discussing votes for women (current project at school) until gone 10pm

maddie you're lucky. Mine is a bit older but usually wants to talk after 11pm! Usually stressed with work, 'hate my life' that sort of stuff. I find it so hard to focus at that time of night!

Completely agree with everyone else - the teen years can be tricky and they really need parental support and guidance.

ohhereweareagain · 06/02/2018 11:53

I used to be friends with someone like this. I ghosted her in the end. She had/has? A troubled teen who went off the rails and would constantly tell me how I would lose dd when she got to the same age which would piss me off. You could tell she wanted my dd to be the same as hers. It's bolloks op. Dd is that age now and we still have a great relationship. Be rid op 😊

Birdsgottafly · 06/02/2018 12:03

As said mine (three DD's ) needed me more. If you are the time of person who enjoys and understands teens, then you will find that their friends gravitate towards you, too.

My eldest is in her 30's, I've seen her and her DP through tough times, I've also supported her during their break up (and getting back together again). I support my middle one with her life as a LP.

Has she been rejected because of her remarriage and is trying to normalise it?

Tbh, her Son is at the age were they enjoy their freedom, but settle back down later on.

You need to tell her straight, or delve what her problems are.

steppemum · 06/02/2018 12:07

Oh i have 3, now aged 15, 12 and 10.

In some ways it is easier, I am so glad to not have nappies and wet beds, but My Life, teenagers need a lot of parenting and it is emotionally hard work.

And 2 of my are constantly drapped over me or climbing round me....

scaryteacher · 06/02/2018 12:25

I'm 52 and still need my Mum at times. My ds is 22 and still needs me....ignore your friend.

mummyG2C · 06/02/2018 12:35

I am 29 and due baby no2 next month, I am happily married but need my mum as much as ever!!! Haha her support and advise gets me through the tough times with a 22month old and another one in the way!! we just need our mums in different ways as we get older but my sister and I massively needed our mum through adolescence, she helped shape the adults we are today in that time!! Ignore your friend she's talking nonsense!!

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 06/02/2018 12:39

I’m sitting in a surgical ward with my 14 year old Dd today while she has her 2nd operation in 4 months.

We are mainly sitting in silence, her on her DS, me on my phone, but she absolutely and undoubtedly needs me to be her, in silence with her.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 06/02/2018 13:18

I'm 50 and still need my mum.

Weezol · 06/02/2018 13:18

Dusty your second sentence made me chuckle - could have been written by my own mum, except for me it was 13-18 unless I was ill Grin

usernameunavailable · 06/02/2018 13:21

As a parent you are always needed. Your needed for advice, support & a shoulder to cry on. When they're babies they need you to survive, throughout their childhood they need you to do everything. They need you to hold them when they're scared and upset. When they're teenagers they need your shoulder to cry on, school can be tough for them and they'll start getting into relationships that don't always work out. I'm 22 I have a baby girl, I need her, I would be lost without her. I still need my mam & dad they do so much for me, they'll do anything for me. Kids always need their parents, haven't got a clue what your "friend" is talking about!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 06/02/2018 13:23

Your friend is wierd.

My kids are 28,27,23 and twins 18. They need us and we need them. My elderly parents need me.

The average teenager needs you far more than a toddler whose needs are generally far simpler.

Can’t understand the dating thing. Detach yourself.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 06/02/2018 13:24

Weezol DS 27 only ever says he loves me when he's ill - this has been from about age 5! 😭

Weezol · 06/02/2018 13:26

Perfectly Can you borrow a nursery attending toddler a couple of times a year and accidentally infect DS with something? Grin

mirialis · 06/02/2018 13:27

Your children always need you, and certainly when they are still actually children. Doesn't mean you need to stay in a crap marriage, though, because of this.

The "friend" is saying this about the DC because of her patronising and judgey-pants interpretation of the OP's marriage situation due to the friend finding love at a later age and only being married for a year, not because the OP's DD won't need her come the age of 12. Everyone knows that's bollocks.

Minxmumma · 06/02/2018 13:45

I have 3 dd. Eldest is 21, middle is 15 and youngest 14mnth.

They very much still need their mum. Moral support, shoulder to cry on, safe space to vent the list is endless. They don't 'need' you like a pre teen does but differently and I often feel that they need my support now far more than they did as children who didn't suffer with all the baggage of teenage years.
Yes sometimes you are the object of all their anger but wait it out and they soon come back round.
At 42 I still need my Mum. Don't think there will be a day I don't - it's how they need you that changes.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 06/02/2018 18:21

I hope that you've found some comfort in this thread OP, your lovely little daughter will always need you. Lose the so called 'friend'. 🌺

NotAnotherEmma · 06/02/2018 18:29

Teenagers still need their parents, who else is going to chauffeur them around for free? Hmm

originalusernamefail · 06/02/2018 18:32

I am 33 years old. I still need and want my Mum. A lot . HTH Grin

Crunchymum · 06/02/2018 18:32

What did you say when she suggested online dating OP? Confused

Lilymay92 · 06/02/2018 19:01

OP I think she may be jealous of the relationship you have with your dd, I’m part of the “boomerang generation” still living with my mum at 25 and I love it, we go shopping together, cinema, out for lunch, have girly nights in. Yes I do all these things with my friends as well but I could never imagine not needing my mum, I still learn something new from her everyday. IMO it depends on the parents more than the child if you are always there for her she will always come to you but if you tell her to figure things out for herself she will stop asking and need you less and less, I had friends at school with mums like that and now they’re lucky if they see the once or twice a year.

echt · 06/02/2018 19:30

As a mother to a DD in her early 20s, I agree with other pps; the teen years are ones when they need you so much, not least because they often want to appear "not" to need you, only to require your undivided attention and support RIGHT NOW.

Your friend is suffering from being ridiculously loved up and losing the plot. She would seem to be projecting from her own earlier difficulties.
Suggesting OLD?? If she does it again, tell her to run it past your DH to get his opinion.