AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

[crumbseverywhere]

I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

@crumbs I’m a comfort snacker who hates to throw away food so I totally get this but you can do it. One day at a time!

YANBU - It's very easy for people to simply tell you to not eat it. It's just not that straightforward for people who struggle with their weight. When you are trying to lose weight, you need to set boundaries with those around you and they should stick to them. Food can be an addiction and it should be treated as such if you have a genuine problem with overeating. If you were an alcoholic and your PIL kept bringing round bottles of scotch, people would be more sympathetic... but for many people, there really is no difference. An addiction is an addiction. You have to ask them to stop.

You said it's junk food, but really if she is making the cakes herself that is a) a really kind gesture and b) much less unhealthy than buying sweet stuff at the pound shop. I agree with all those saying your OH can take it into work or give it to friends/neighbours. You could also Freecycle it - I've definitely seen posts on the lines of 'homemade scones, delicious but unwanted' and they are always snapped up

Have a little and then pack it all back in their car when they leave. You could take a few pieces of cake for later but otherwise all leftovers go home with them.

What's the issue if you're no longer craving it anyway?

Have you thought about asking for an alternative? Your in-laws clearly believe in the tradition that guests shouldn't come empty handed. Why not responded to their request and ask for something that you might enjoy eating - could they bring savoury rather than sweet?

"Dear MIL, could you please not bring cakes and biscuits this weekend. As you know, dh and I need to eat healthily so have cut out cakes and biscuits. We are getting into good habits in order to set a good example to our child. Thank you for your help."

I would offer them some of the cakes/scones while they are with you. When they go to leave, pack it all up and give it all back to them insisting that they take it with them. They should get the hint.

It is really selfish of your ILs to do this. Try not to eat any of it when they are there by making a big deal of being on a diet or whatever you want to call it and then bin the stuff as soon as they leave.

During the day, if you are tempted to eat, distract yourself by starting a task which will put off eating until a proper meal time. If it's something like ironing or Hoovering it will also burn off some calories. Another thing you can do is go out for a short walk which will take you away from the food.

After a while the 'putting off' activities will become a habit.

Good luck.

They're not bringing junk food, they're bringing love. Don't reject it!

Really surprised at most of these comments. If the OP could exercise willpower and self-control, she wouldn't be posting on here.

I have fuck all willpower. As a result I am overweight. The only reason I am not twice the size I am, is that I keep sweets and chocolate to a minimum in the house. I dread buffets/parties/meals out as I know for a fact I will overeat. So I avoid the temptation altogether. Still fat though.

Just don't eat any!

Take it into work/give to a food bank? Failing that, chuck immediately. You've told them, they don't listen, move on.

No, I don't think you are unreasonable. They have been politely asked not to do it, so they are being both selfishly wasteful in making something they know is unwanted, unneeded and frankly unwelcome, and lazy in not working out what might actually be a helpful gift when they come to stay.

Just throw it in the bin immediately?

Next time they ask tell them to bring fruit. Then only eat fruit and book cake. Return cake with them

Leftover food from a church sale isn't love, what nonsense

Take it to the nearest food bank where treats are rare

Put them in the freezer and eat them a little at a time.

Don't throw good food away. Take it to a food bank if you really can't control yourself.

We started to just be really blunt when people left. "I'm sorry, but we are really never going to eat this. If you don't take it, it'll probably get thrown away and that would be such a shame." We usually come up with something else to fill in. Oh there's a school thing. Oh we have meetings at work. We're going to friends for dinner later. Or some excuse for why we simply won't be around to eat these things...

Though in our case, it's mostly health food, not junk food.

If you keep sending the cakes back with them and stopped eating them, I’m sure they would soon get the message!

I think it's rude to take gifts like this to someone's house when you've been asked quite clearly not to. They sound like feeders to me, this is not about just you having an unhealthy relationship with food, this is them too and they need to be called out on it - gently!

I disagree with a lot of people telling you you’re BU and should exercise willpower. The willpower question is totally separate from the fact these people keep ignoring your wishes and bringing unwanted food to your home. It’s rude of them and very unhelpful and I’m also surprised that people think it’s acceptable for you to be repeatedly put in the position of having to bin food. You clearly can’t abide waste. I am the same. I now don’t feel rude when I tell my parents not to bring food. I explain that food waste is a moral issue for me and, as I’m trying not to eat unhealthy food, if there’s too much food it will end up in the bin.
We should all be conscious of food waste so I can’t understand the concept of people repeatedly bringing food they know will be unwelcome or binned.
That said, they clearly want to spoil you so maybe ask for a really nice fruit basket or fruit selection with things you like but wouldn’t buy all the time on cost grounds. That way, they’ll feel good about treating you and helping you with your health goals - hopefully?

As soon as they're not looking, put it straight in the bin, to remove any temptation to eat it. If they ask where the stuff has gone, say you ate it. It seems there's not much point having any kind of conversation with them; your DH has tried and failed, so it's probably easier all round just to fudge it.