AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

[crumbseverywhere]

I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

"I think the trouble is, we are all brought up not to waste food, so just throwing away food feels difficult."
I think this hits the nail on the head. It's really hard to throw perfectly edible food away (I won't say "good", because that's a whole other debate), but nor would I palm it off on your neighbours or husband's office; who wants a lot of defrosted scones or cakes past-their-best?
OP I had a real lightbulb moment with food when it dawned on me that I'm not a human dustbin and my job is not to finish off food in the house/ fridge etc or that's given to us. Is it better for me to eat it all, or throw it away? For my body and health it's better to throw it away. Stop feeling guilty about it, you haven't overshopped it's food that's been foisted on you that you - quite rightly - don't want to put in your body.

To add when ever my parents come to stay they always bring at least one cake, because they can't imagine a morning/ afternoon without a piece of cake!! You might find that your PiL are actually bringing it partly for themselves, not just for you.

Throw them away or put them in kids lunch boxes?

Or to work

Sorry OP but yes YABU - contemplating making a performance of throwing it away in front of them is passive aggressive in the extreme not to mention unnecessarily hurtful. Perhaps it's just their way of bringing a gift for the 'host' as so many people do. We often get brought bottles of wine etc when neither of us drink but it certainly isn't something worth getting upset about.
Safe to say there is also somewhat of a mixed message in the fact that you are still eating it when they bring it- it gives the impression that you do in fact like it, and probably makes them feel they are bringing you something you consider a treat and can't help yourself, which i'm sure just spurs them on.
Maybe they'll continue to bring it regardless because its something they like doing but i'd personally approach it by not partaking of the things they did bring ( but thanking them for doing so), reply polite if they comment on the fact that 'sorry, we are eating healthily so unfortunalty wont get through these, but take as many as you like for yourself/ i'll give some to the neighbours though' and then pass them on where I could to reduce food waste. If they see this in action maybe they'll bring less next time. Too much food is a bit of a first world problem really at the end of the day, try not to make it something too personal when it probably isn't!
Congrats on the sugar reduction though, I've tried and failed several times and its v. hard!!

Are they home made? I don't consider that junk food.
Take them to work, friends, playgroup, church, anywhere really.....

People are being a bit harsh though ...

Can you not just point blank refuse to eat it?

I got over binning edible (not good) food when the kids used to get given gelatine sweets by the truckload by well meaning relations along with biscuits and chocolate for DH and I. In the bin it went. It was either that or eat it, and we too were trying to resist temptation. These days I'd pop it in at a food collection point. Can you contact a local shelter and see if they'd be able to distribute it? You can tell MIL this is what you're intending to do with her offerings in advance, it might make her see you're really serious.

Guys, just FREEZE THE CAKES and regift/thaw as needed.

It stops:

Impulse eating
portion control oblivion
stops waste
you dont offend anybody

I did this for ages I was able to take a load of nice stuff to kids parties etc, all i'd had to do was defrost it the night before. If i had friends coming around - it was all there. so easy.

This would bother me for reasons of waste rather than anything else. But the willpower is your issue, not theirs! I do think it's quite disrespectful of them to ignore your requests though. I have some lovely lower fat cake recipes so it might have been nice for them to make an effort to support you by bringing something a little bit more healthy. Although I guess they could then have been flames for implying that you need to lose weight! And they may feel rude if they come empty handed. So perhaps they can't win!

OP said that the cakes had already been frozen and defrosted so I guess that's not really an option. Such a waste!

Just don't accept them. Tell them to leave them in the car or you will be forced to bin them.
If it makes you feel better warn them before hand that this is what you will dom

They probably keep bringing them because they see you eating them!

Op...I may be the only one but I think YANBU!!!!!! I know your pain. I have a food /sugar addiction just like someone who is addicted to drugs/ smoking or who is an alcoholic. (YES EVERYONE ELSE, SOME OF US STRUGGLE WITH FOOD ADDICTION). Someone regularly coming to stay laden with cakes when I was trying to lose weight and vulnerable to temptation would drive me insane. Can’t DH call them and actually say something like ‘I’m so sorry to have to say this and don’t want to cause offence but we’re really struggling with willpower and when you come laden with cakes it makes it so difficult. Would you mind not bringing anything like that just until we have got it under control’, or something like that. Be specific and honest but keeping them feeling welcome. Perhaps they could just bring something for themselves if they want to.
Willpower is such an easy word to use. For some of us overcoming the stubborn habits first is so hard.
Good luck 💐and don’t worry you will get there eventually. Don’t let the mumsnetters 👿 make you feel crappier than you obviously do already.

god, yeah. Such a waste. Id have to have a conversation about it....

Wellymelly, my suggestion is a variation on a theme. I am underweight (I am the Queen of Willpower), but my best friend is overweight and struggles with willpower. I know how horribly hard it is. Hence my suggestion to bin the lot behind their backs, asap... OP, you have already lost pounds. You can lose more. If it involves a bit of polite deception, go for it.

Motherofyorkies that's interesting that the professional advice you had was to control your environment. There have been several posters saying I need to address my unhealthy eating habits which is probably true but I wouldn't know where to start apart from avoiding temptations until not having it becomes the norm.

I agree they are probably bringing it out of kindness/not wanting to come empty handed but as a pp said it's not a thoughtful gift given the circumstances.

PS OP, I know waste is awful, and people will try to make you feel bad about it. But in your situation, I really wouldn't think about it at all. Just think about how you can achieve what you want to achieve (namely a healthy weight).

I was reading some bits about the Marie Kondo de-cluttering method the other day and had a minor epiphany that applies here I reckon. She encourages you not to hold onto gifts that don’t bring you joy, and to either bin/recycle them or pay it forward, passing them onto someone who’ll appreciate them, her justification being that the gift has already fulfilled its purpose, it was given, and received. So receive their gifts with good grace, them swiftly move them out of your life

And into the bin.

The thing is is not like they would be coming empty handed if they didn't bring the cake as they also bring toys/books for the DC and often a gift for us/for the house. They are very much a family that ALWAYS has afternoon tea with cake so it is probably an odd concept to them that we wouldn't want that.

Just not eating it is obviously the ideal but as so many posters have said it's just not that easy for a lot of people, including me!

Maybe they have to eat it as PIL are there and would be offended if the cakes weren't brought out with a brew/after a meal? I think half the problem is that the PIL are not respecting boundaries which can be really tricky to deal with. If they bring cake with them again, just don't open the tins, let the PIL bring it to your attention at which point you can say something along the lines of.."we did tell you that we're not having sweet treats, but I can get you some if you'd like? " And then do as others have said and offload the stuff on neighbours and colleagues (smile)

Accept gracefully, put aside out of sight then distribute to all and sundry. MIL obviously gets great pleasure in baking for you both. Don't take her pleasure away.

I do really hate waste and it's made worse but the fact that our county don't offer food waste recycling so it literally goes in the bin