AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

[crumbseverywhere]

I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

It’s hardly goodwill to bring truckloads of baked goods to a household of dieters when you’ve been repeatedly asked not to.

Accept the gift in the spirit it is given What spirit is a gift being given then the receiver has asked for it not to be given - The gift is being given because the giver wants to give but the receiver does not want to receive - I would say the giver is therefore all about themselves and if that is the case, the spirit the food is being given is the spirit of selfishness.....all giving is not good!

everytine she comes organise a cake sale in aid of macmillan if similar and invite the nieghbours
cakes gone
money raised
everyone happy

*JocastaElastic

Accept the gift in the spirit it is given: smile, say “Thankyou very much” and then just don’t eat it.*

Good God, how perfect you must be. I wonder whether your post name is a reflection of your post prep tummy!

Preg not prep!!!

Had something similar with DM. I calmly explained that the behaviour was undermining my efforts and said how much nicer it would be if she could support me instead. She just hadn’t seen it from my point of view and it did work. Suggest giving it one last, calm and tactical attempt. Explain how you are unable to not eat what is in the house so have realised that you just can’t have any cakes etc. in the house in the first place. Say that you would rather have your favourite fruit instead. You don’t want to offend them, but if they turn up with tins, the tins will have to stay in their car and go back with them. I would add that they may be simply wishing to treat you and that you may have given wrong signals in eating the cakes before, but it is actually unsupportive given your eating issues. I would also say that it is like giving alcohol to an alcoholic. If this didn’t work, I would give up trying and switch to coping instead. I would just say thank you and put the tins straight into the boot of my car (so not in the house) and take to work the next day where they would soon be gone. Like others, I would not like to just throw them away. Good luck and YANBU - at least you have realised that you have some issues with food and are trying to improve your relationship with it.

Welly Melly, no, I’m not perfect, and I most certainly don’t have a fantastic-elastic post pregnancy spring-back-flat waistline. I just don’t much like sweet food or discourtesy.

Are you people serious? Would you take alcohol to an alcoholic persons house when you have been told repeatedly not to? Why not? Surely they could just have one glass and use their willpower to stop after one. For fucks sake, this thread is ridiculous!

I feel its impolite if they know you're on a diet and if it's affecting how you feel. But homemade things for dc are nice.
Personally I don't like people bringing food for themselves into my home. Especially as its also KFC etc. I think it's so damn rude to come into my living room with their KFC and drop chicken all over my carpet etc and then leave the boxes for me to deal with which I can't get rid of as I have a small bin. I don't think you are being unreasonable. Just tell them you're on a health kick or maybe ask them if they wanted to to make them vegan. A lot healthier for you and you can limit how much you eat

@bluntless100
Can your will power really be so bad that if you both see it you need to eat it and eat as much of it as possible? Neither of you has any form of self control whatsoever in the face of food

Sums me up in one
Isn't this how we end up putting weight on?
We all know what causes it but if it were that easy we'd all be flitting round like Kate Miss

Tell them you are going somewhere nice when they visit and take the lot to the local food bank or a day centre for the eldery who might appreciate treats.

Don’t put it in the bin in front of them, that’s seriously rude and cruel. Someone has thought about you and cooked them for you, I understand that you don’t want to eat them but throwing them away in front of your PIL that really is bad taste. Give them to a neighbour when they have gone or if you must, throw them away then.

God, there are a right bunch of sanctimonious arses on this thread. Use willpower, you say? I'm sure the OP has never thought of that.

Someone has thought about you and cooked them for you someone has been asked politely not to bring food to the house because the hosts are struggling with their weight, the guests have wilfully ignored the request and decided their need to give is more important that the hosts wishes - that is not someone who has thought of how the host feels, that is someone who gets a kick out of giving or feeding - the recipient is not the important one - if they were they would be listened to and their needs respected.

‘Rude and Cruel’ is consistently bringing barrel loads of calorific food to people who are trying to avoid exactly this sort of thing.

Trouble is with all these ideas about sharing it with old people or whatever takes organisation and the dammed stuff sitting temptingly in the kitchen until the plan can be executed.

Bin it or give it back to them at the end of their stay.

Rather than dumping the cakes in the bin in front of your in laws, why not organise a nice family trip to the park instead? You could take your baby and your mother in law and feed her cakes and biscuits and scones to the ducks. Point made. Cakes not wasted. Ducks fed.

If they are mostly left overs thank her and say she should freeze them and keep them for other meals. Tell her you don't want to waste what she has made either, but that you won't be able to eat it as you are on diets. Make a meal plan and show it to her, tell her you've got ingredients etc all lined up, reinforce that you are going to loose the weight this time and give her a choice- does she want to take her food home or does she want you to give it to a food bank? Put the ball firmly in her court without being ungrateful.

Yabu

I feel your pain! My MIL does this too. OH has asked her to stop, because the kids are eating too much sugar but that fell on deaf ears. Last time she was coming he rang her and told her I was dieting so please don't bring dessert. She bought 12 chocolate eclairs instead of her usual 376 cakes and then a few fruit salads to make up for it. I always tell myself I'll just have one to be polite but I can't throw it away because it's not worth the tears from the kids and I'm usually too weak willed not to eat lots of it in the evenings. I don't think there is anything we can do other than reiterate, as they mean well.

My MIL brings fridge droppings.

Literally last time:

• half a bell pepper, slightly wizened
• the 2cm end of a piece of cheese, warm from being in the car for 8 hours on the way here (not exaggerating, there is ALWAYS cheese)
• 2 slightly blackened satsumas.

Please do not feed the ducks, they will eat it but it is not good for them (maybe like me and you, they too have no willpower!)

Just for clarity, they are not simply baked goods baked with love for the OP and her dh!

They are, at least partially, left overs from various church events, which have been frozen and then defrosted.

They are not wanted and are therefore not 'treats'.

It appears these food items are things which no one else wanted to eat but they could not bear to throw them away. So the OP is the end of a line of folks who hate waste but recognise that eating things you do not need is also wasteful. Please do not force these items onto coleagues or ducks!

The only possibility is that a homeless shelter might be interested in home made goods, from a reputable source. Maybe you could suggest that to your mum and the church could make contact with any suitable place direct, so no one person ends up ferrying cakes all over town! That way goods could go fresh (not frozen) to people who may really appreciate them and utterly bypass the OP!

Whisky, you made me laugh with "wizened".

And no Jocasta, you don't feed ducks bloody cake, unless you want them to get really ill.

I don't think any of these people mean well, I think they are undermining and disrespectful. As pp said, it's like taking an alcoholic wine. It's just mean IMO.
They aren't "treats" either if they are going to make you feel like shit.
I feel quite uncomfortable for you OP, they've put you in a bad position where you either feel guilt for saying no, or guilt and self loathing if you say yes and then eat them. DH needs to say, If you want to bring anything, can you bring a plant or something?

I don't think any of these people mean well, I think they are undermining and disrespectful. As pp said, it's like taking an alcoholic wine. It's just mean IMO

How do people navigate life with such negative, mean attitudes as this? Food gifts are mean and disrespectful....yeah in opposite land.

It's called a cultural norm, you might want to try some.

Italiangreyhound has it spot on. Your MIL has been left with an excess of baked goods, doesn't want to eat them and can't bear to chuck them out. She is passing them down the line to you - you are now facing the same dilemma - you don't want to eat them either. I think this being the situation you could be quite honest without offending. Next time she does it make the tea, offer the cake and when she declines point out you don't want any either. Then you can explain to her that you know she's looking for a welcome home for the spare cakes, but you are not it. That way you can gently explain that if she can't bear to bin the cakes herself then you will do it for her, but you are not going to eat them - just as she doesn't want to eat them. You could add that a single cake or a few scones is one thing - as a monthly treat - but this is too much. I think in this situation honesty is the best policy - the cakes haven't been lovingly baked for you they are just leftovers. Quite possibly at the end of the church bake sale or whatever she offers to take them "because my son and dil will love them" - and everyone is more than happy for her to do so because that solves a problem for them over disposal. You are not obliged to eat them just to avoid waste - just as you are not obliged to clear your plate at every meal for the same reason (one of the reasons I never insisted on clean plates from my kids). If you don't want to eat it put it in the bin - don't become the bin.