AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

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I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

Take it to work or give away (to elderly neighbours?)
Don't throw it out in front of them but get rid of them ASAP.
I think it's maybe a generational thing. My MIL always brings cakes. I can't eat gluten anymore. I've told her this many times. She still brings the cakes for ME. Not my dh (her son) or the grandchildren. Makes a big point of it too. I accept graciously. She thinks she's doing something good.
My sisters PIL mother used to bring her and dh LOADS of cakes. Just for the two of them. She used to take them into work and leave them in the staff room. They were very much appreciated and people looked forward to "granny's cakes."

Just tell them that you can't eat all that, cant freeze it as pre frozen so it gets binned which is horrible . so dont bring it.

If still too stupid to listen just box up and put back on their car.

Take it to the food bank.
Not in a collection basket, hand deliver it so you can see the appreciation and think.....

They have gone way past the stage where being polite will get you anywhere.

Refuse to eat any (easier said than done, I know) and be clear that anything they don't take back with them is going straight in the bin. And do it.

Food that you eat when you don't want to eat it is no less wasted than food that goes in the bin. Good luck with the healthy eating regime.

I'll make lots of cakes and biscuits to take to the DC at uni when I visit and will expect them to share it all with friends.

I think the issue here is that they're not listening to your request.

You wouldn't take alcohol to the house of someone who had an alcohol issue and was trying to avoid it. Yet socially, cake is seen as more acceptable, despite the fact that you actually asked them point-blank not to bring it. Even though the action may have been done out of love, there is a kind of insistence there that they should be allowed to express love in whatever way they see fit that is really quite selfish. Baking cake for someone who doesn't want it in their house is not actually a very supportive thing to do -it's actually quite controlling. So YANBU to be upset that they ignored your wishes.

The fact that you ate the cake is kind of your fault, however! Perhaps this is the bit to work on?

I would also agree that it's a mixed message, asking them not to bring it then falling on it like a pair of starving refugees, which would conversely indicate to them you really want it.

I really don't think you can blame them because neither of you can control yourself.

Bin it as soon as they are gone. Don't hold back, just chuck it the fuck away

They are palming it off onto you, so bin it and don't eat it.

It's not their fault you eat too much

'Yes FIL you're not allowed cake because I will eat it and then I won't loose weight and it will all be your fault.'

You sound very out of control and are using others as excuses for not having willpower or self control around food. You need help.

Binning home made food in front of someone who made it (or their family did) is beyond rude

So is foisting huge quantities of cake on people when you have specifically being asked not to.

Would you force feed booze to an alcoholic?

Just say thank you and don’t eat it! Yes it’s annoying of them but the tins don’t come with a gun to your head, especially as you say they’re not even very nice treats.

Bird table

I'm weak like this and hate waste so couldn't throw it away. What's done now is done. Remember how irritated you are by the latest batch and agree a plan for next time. Put it out of sight until you can transfer/offload it somewhere else. Can you invite others over to share while they are around or have a tea party the day after they've gone to use it up?

It's very controlling. It's not rude to bin it. Why push it on to someone else?
Put it in the freezer and say you'll save it for another day, that way it will be rock hard and you can't eat it. Then bin it or give it to some one else.

Dieting is very bad for you, physically and mentally. You're displaying disordered eating behaviour over these cakes (by refusing them first and then eating the lot). It might be worth looking into some proper help before the disorder really takes hold.

Agree with the person who is comparing it to bringing alcohol. You don't want it in your house, you've told them this and so if they bring it out don't eat it, ask them to take it back with them and if they don't throw it in the bin. Yes it's wasteful but not as wasteful as eating it yourself. Your health is more important. If it can be taken into work then that's great.

My mother used to always give me stuff that SHE didn't want to throw away - ceramic pots that had yoghurt in them or whatever. I started saying 'I will throw this away for you if you don't want to and it would make you feel better, but it's not going in my house because I don't want it there'. She's now stopped and all is fine. I feel good for having had the conversation.

Yanbu

If there's really that much surely they're expecting it to be shared? The shelter I volunteer at would accept them and I don't know many people who would be more grateful than the service users. Some don't though so call to check first but it would be a nice thing to do.

YANBU OP - they're pretty rude and disrespectful for bringing it. Well done for what you're trying to do, a sweet tooth is very hard to conquer.

I actually get where you're coming from OP. I have binge eating issues and relatives who do similar to me. As well as turning up almost daily with fatty and sugary treats that I found it impossible to refuse, my skinny mother used to buy family sized cakes each weekend and maybe an individual lemon posset or something for herself for after Sunday tea (which we go to hers for). I'd have a slice of whatever the cake/dessert was and she'd send the rest home with me. Neither her nor her partner used to eat any of it. I'd binge on it.

However harsh some posters have been here, the only fixes available to you when someone is ignoring your struggles with food like this is to put in coping strategies. I now usually refuse the cake at mum's and can usually turn down anything she turns up with. And on the occasions she does insist on me taking things home, it doesn't even make it inside. I have to put it right in the wheelie bin.

If I were you, I'd try sending it home with them, making it very clear that it will get binned otherwise. And if that doesn't work, bin it the moment they're gone.

I think it's jus one of those things you have to grin and bear since they aren't listening, but giving stuff away, taking it into work is a good solution if you think you will just munch it.

I don't allow alcohol to be kept in my house day to day, but when people visit I have no problem with them buying/bringing a bottle of wine or some beers, it doesn't make me drink.

Exercise more. Or buy a goat.

Refuse to accept it. Say "we're really sorry but we've told you time and time again that we aren't eating junk". And hand back. Each and every time until they get the message. It's quite cruel and I'd point that out. We have a family whatsapp group and when it was Christmas, I sent a message to everyone saying please don't bring sweets/junk with you as I struggle with my willpower and will just end up being ill.

We get this from the in-laws, so I sympathise with your situation. My husband was extremely overweight as a child, basically because his parents overfed him. He is now a normal weight (has been since leaving home and losing the weight at uni). His parents are still overweight.

They try and overfeed our children when we visit - ridiculous portion sizes, continually offering unnecessary food between meals, etc, and will bring junk food if they visit us. They also give us lots of biscuits and chocolate at Christmas, wrapped up as presents, despite us politely saying on various occasions that we’d rather not receive food gifts as it makes a healthy start to the new year impossible.

I think the trouble is, we are all brought up not to waste food, so just throwing away food feels difficult. I now have the following action plan: During the year, excess treats get sent to DH’s office. This is not easy in January as people get cross, so I have decided to open the “obviously food” presents early next Christmas, and send it to the food bank with healthier stuff that we usually send.

If DH office became not an option, in future I would just bin it, although not in front of the in-laws. They mean well, but just have a very warped view of eating moderately.