AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

[crumbseverywhere]

I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

But shut the OP has asked them time and time again not to bring them because they are both trying to lose weight... Surely it is mean and disrespectful to ignore the OP's wishes on this?

Take it to work, donate them to a local cake sales at church groups etc and don’t eat it.

I think it’s actually very kind of them to all think of you and make the effort to bake you such lovely things.

Surely there is a compromise?

Keep some for your weekend treats and give the rest away x

I wonder if you could get her to take up knitting rather than baking
She may turn up with some god awful jumpers but that's probably better than having tempting cakes sitting around

But shut the OP has asked them time and time again not to bring them because they are both trying to lose weight... Surely it is mean and disrespectful to ignore the OP's wishes on this?

No. You just do what any sensible person would do, smile and say thanks and bin them after they leave. All parts of the social contract fulfilled, nobody has to be upset, all is well.
Why do people have to make such a fuss about everything?

I personally would do as you suggested Shut but the OP obviously has a slightly different viewpoint/relationship to food. She has previously stated this as such to her in-laws and they keep ignoring her wishes. In doing so they put her in a situation that causes her a lot of angst. I think it is mean to trample over feelings like that, cultural norms notwithstanding.

Then that is her issue, and not theirs, and one she needs to work on without being rude.

I think it’s actually very kind of them to all think of you and make the effort to bake you such lovely things. These are leftovers from church cake sales etc - the MIL is offloading leftovers she can't bear to throw away herself.

I might have misread but nowehere does it say the OP or her dh are overweight. DH is thin though. It sounds like they just dont want to eat food that's unhealthy. If the mil is overweight it sometimes gives a skewed view of what is a healthy weight and what is too thin. If OP says they are trying to lose weight and MIL sees her slim dil and thin DS, she may just be worried that they are 'too thin' and shouldn't be dieting.

Lillian, ah, I see.

In that case I’d just bin them when they leave, say nothing and not feel even a tiny bit guilty about it

But why bin them out of ILs sight - not very nice surely to let MIL keep on baking all this stuff when it isn't needed, wanted or appreciated. effectively using OP and her DH as human dustbins.

I'm going with handing it back, if throwing it out is too unfeasibly rude.

handing it back is far ruder.

Just don't eat it

Brill. I bet the OP had never considered that option!

And for anyone who's an alcoholic ..........just stop drinking
Drug problem? Stop taking the pesky substances
Unemployed? Go get a job

There, we're all sorted now. Piece of piss, really

stevie69

I had a problem with overeating cakes and sweet treats. I went to a slimming world meeting, we all sat down and a slim lady at the front said 'just don't eat it'. We all gave a standing ovation and left and passed on the knowledge and everyone in the whole wide world became slim and lived happily ever after.

Yes, it's not their 'fault' that you can't 'control' yourself but it is their fault that they keep bringing things the OP has explicitly asked them not to for the OP and her husband.

They could most definitely bring less so that they (the pil) don't 'miss out' themselves.

They're not being helpful are they?

I'm glad that we at Mumsnet have conclusively solved the obesity crisis. We should start a diet club in the vein of SW called 'Just Don't Eat It', where a circle of skinny people berate fatsos for their lack of self control.

I'm another one who has limited ability to control my impulses.

I am actually damn good at keeping unhealthy stuff out of my house, setting rules for consumption of treats, sticking to a diet... but if someone ELSE breaks those rules for me, I'm stuffed. Worst offender being the woman who brings unholy amounts of biscuits into work (I'm talking we asked her to provide one cake for a team celebration and she brought in a full sized cake PER PERSON...).

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask a loved one for their support in keeping the boundaries you set yourself, especially when the action in itself is as simple as 'don't bring cake/biscuits into my house please'.

Gosh, some people are giving you a rough time on here. You sound like a lovely, reasonable person who's doing her best to beat a sugar addiction and who's being thwarted by people bringing it to your home. It's v unreasonable of them to do this, but the best thing is to get rid of it (not bin it, as that's an awful waste) as soon as possible after they leave. Come up with a plan ASAP before their next visit. In the meantime reiterate your diet stance with them and hope it sinks in some time soon! Good luck with your weightloss.

Well, this chin-wagging is all very well, but OP, what are you going to do?