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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

319 replies

crumbseverywhere · 05/02/2018 14:33

I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

OP posts:
Original poster
crumbseverywhere · 05/02/2018 15:30

Bluntness and pp's I think you are right, we are sending mixed messages by eating it at all.

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 05/02/2018 15:31

I don't think you should bin as that would be a waste. Say thank you very much and put out of temptation's way.

ASAP give them to DH/friend/neighbour to take to work. They will be well appreciated there.

Job done. Your diet is safe and PILS are none the wiser. Everyone is happy. Especially the people at work Grin

Original poster
crumbseverywhere · 05/02/2018 15:31

I think we did spell it out in the email though by saying we were not eating any added refined sugar, I saw the email, my husband made it pretty clear!

OP posts:
Clandestino · 05/02/2018 15:31

Any leftovers in my family go to work or friends. I don't mean leftovers in terms of savoury food but cookies, chocolate etc. is all handed out.
The response is generally extremely positive, tbh. We had a huge cake for DD's birthday party and only few pieces are left because we gave it away to people who appreciated it.
Why can't you do the same?

Tartyflette · 05/02/2018 15:33

I sympathise entirely, OP, it's bloody hard! Saying you should have more willpower is great in theory but if it's continually being tested it makes it so much more difficult. I am like you in that I don't buy cakes or biscuits as if they're in the house they will get eaten, not necessarily all at once but eventually they will all be used up.
I'd there any diabetes in your family? There is in mine and I would say I won't be eating sweet treats as I am trying to avoid becoming diabetic.
And I say this as someone who loves baking, and I do take cakes round to friends -- but never, ever would I do it if anyone so much as hinted that they'd rather I didn't.

Springtrolls · 05/02/2018 15:33

if you really didn’t want these things you would be handing them back straight away. Instead you are both eating them.

Stop with the mixed messages and hand back straight away

SaucyJack · 05/02/2018 15:37

I doubt your neighbours or your husband's colleagues want to eat shite scones out of duty to not waste food any more than you do. If you dump the food on other people, you're no better than your PILs.

Have a slice during the visit (if you want), and then send anything back with them. Be firm.

It's a shame for the if they enjoy baking more than anyone likes eating the results, but tough shit really.

Can you get them into making shite bath bombs instead? At least they won't make you fat.

cingolimama · 05/02/2018 15:37

Christ on a bike I think OP is getting a rough ride here. All these people who say "just use some willpower" have never dealt with food compulsion.

OP, I really sympathise. I have a real sweet tooth too, and while I can manage it most of the time, this wasn't always the case.

Part of effective willpower is learning what sets you off, what foods you particularly have a weakness for etc. And asking for support and help from friends and family is part of any willpower strategy.

Tringley · 05/02/2018 15:41

If it makes you feel any better, the amount of sugar in homebaking tends to be significantly lower than processed treats.

twoplytwoply · 05/02/2018 15:43

They aren't responsible for what you eat, you can't blame them for eating what they brought. You knew they were going to, as they always do, so maybe you should have thought of a strategy to stop yourself over eating - control yourself not them.

FannyWisdom · 05/02/2018 15:46

You mentioned in the e-mail that you weren't eating refined sugar?
Bet the evenings fly by.

Do your in laws stay over?
If so they may not be able to come empty handed and it's traditional to bake.

Tell them what you do want.
MiL we are healthy eating and getting through tonnes of fruit or MiL instead of cake can you make up a pan of pea and ham soup..... or whatever.

SleepySheepy · 05/02/2018 15:46

This reminds me of my Nan OP, who revels in telling us all we are fat and buys us clothes for birthdays etc 2 sizes too big, but then tries to make us eat a full pizza each plus a tray of cakes when we visit. It's hard work. I'm a size 10-12 and she likes to make me feel like a whale.

Whilst you are going to have to work on your willpower unfortunately (that's life) - I would suggest getting rid of them ASAP and perhaps in front of the cake pushers to make a point as PP have suggested, nip them round to the neighbours or something. But it is true that they are being disrespectful by ignoring your wishes. Similar to the alcohol reference it's exactly the same as gifting cigarettes to someone trying to quit, or any other addictive situation because you are right, sugar is addictive and you could do with their support.

You can beat the sugar addiction though I promise. Stay strong!

Incidentally my MIL did this recently, she tried sending us home with a cheesecake that we had asked her not to send with us. Anyway, she snuck it in a bag when we weren't looking so as soon we found it I picked it up, walked it next door and gave it to my grateful (and perplexed haha) neighbours. The key is to get rid ASAP before you start eating it!

WingsOnMyBoots · 05/02/2018 15:48

I empathise with you. I think part of the problem is that even though they are ignoring your request you're both just polite and don't want to cause offence or an atmosphere maybe by not eating it? If this is the case try to understand that, as someone else said, they are being quite rude and controlling to keep ignoring you. They are leaving you no option but to put your 'feet' down! Whatever you don't want to eat, INSIST they take it back with them. We have some friends who always insist we take away anything to eat or drink that we brought along but the difference is we are ASKED to bring it. We never actually want to take it home really but they always insist and we are all still friends.

NaturalWoman · 05/02/2018 15:48

Just put it in the bin in front of them. If they're offended explain that you did say you didn't want it and you don't want the temptation.

Put it in the bin without thinking about it and then you can't eat it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/02/2018 15:48

Aw I think it would be mean to stop them. Even meaner if done Ridley They clearly adore doing it (for you...!). Just eat what you want and bin the rest. Don't make them feel awful for bringing them.

cingolimama · 05/02/2018 15:50

OP, I really think you need to send another email, this time being very clear - something like this:

Dear PILs,
Despite requests not to bring cakes, scones, biscuits etc, you persist. I must ask you to stop doing this. We admit we find it difficult to resist and are asking for your help here. Please DO NOT bring anything but your good selves next time you visit. We want your company but NOT your goodies.

And if they do ignore this very reasonable request, then don't even allow the food in the house - just march it back to their car and put it in the boot.

LAlady · 05/02/2018 15:50

Er.....you don’t need to eat it. It’s not compulsory.

If I’m on a diet I don’t expect everyone else to be too. I just stop myself and exercise some willpower

Pinkbendyman · 05/02/2018 15:52

Why don't you send your PIL a lovely card to say "thanks but no thanks" in the kindest possible way?

If you explain, in writing, why you don't want to receive these kind offerings any longer, perhaps it will sink in.

Personally, I wouldn't throw them, I'd give them to the nearest care centre or homeless shelter.

Willow2017 · 05/02/2018 15:52

Its once a month. Enjoy eating a few treats you dont have to eat them all. When we go to a particular aunts there are tins and tins of honemade stuff and we all enjoy it. Its a rare treat.

Eat some either give the rest back or bin it when they have gone.

jaseyraex · 05/02/2018 15:53

Keep a little something for your weekend treat and let DH take the rest to work or find a coffee morning nearby and take it all there. I love baking but also trying to be as healthy as possible so rarely eat much of it myself. There's a senior citizen coffee morning at the local church that I usually drop some cakes and things in to. Could you ask PIL to perhaps bake some flapjacks or something next time they're coming? So still a treat and they can still come with baked goods but not as unhealthy.

RowenasDiadem · 05/02/2018 15:54

Thanks them politely, leave the tins on the side and bin the contents. They're being generous/kind and you only have to act polite about it. It's not their fault you have no willpower

cingolimama · 05/02/2018 15:55

LAlady, well bully for you and your willpower. The OP has repeatedly said she's struggling and yet you think it's okay to dump on her? Sugar addiction has a similar effect as nicotine and alchohol.

Pearlsaringer · 05/02/2018 15:56

Can you freeze any of it? If so, save it for your first day back at work. It will make you very popular!

Aridane · 05/02/2018 15:57

WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

Yes - that would be grotesquely unreasonable (though I appreciate it was somewhat tongue in cheek). Just take it to work or give to neighbours / doctors surgery etc.

cingolimama · 05/02/2018 15:57

Rowenas I don't actually think it's kind to bring a load of shite that OP and her DH have specifically requested they not bring! Yes, why don't I bring a case of craft beer to a recovering alcoholic friend? I'm only being kind.

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