AIBU - house guests bringing junk food

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I have a very sweet tooth and since the birth of DC2 8 months ago have struggled to control my diet. As a result I haven’t lost the baby weight so I am feeling pretty rubbish. This year my husband and I have vowed to be better and have stopped buying any biscuits/cake/junk Monday to Friday so the temptation isn’t there. My willpower is terrible when I’m at home all day with the DC. At the weekend we allow ourselves a small treat. It’s working as we are no longer craving sugar and I have already lost a few pounds.

My PIL live 150 miles away and visit once a month or so. Every time they come MIL brings tins of cakes made by herself or other extended family. I’m not talking something small for us to enjoy but 4+ tins of scones, sponges, cupcakes, shortbread etc. Every time (for the last 2 years) we have been saying please don’t as we can’t eat it/don’t want it but it falls on deaf ears. As a result we end up eating far too much and throwing a lot away. A lot of it is quantity over quality that has been frozen and then defrosted.

This weekend gone they came to stay. In an email exchange the week before we were asked if we wanted anything, husband repeated NO and explained us trying to be good. This was acknowledged and even congratulated! But as usual they arrived with the bloody tins.

My husband ate a lot, I ate too much and we both felt shit about it. A lot will end up in the bin.

AIBU in feeling pissed off that they won’t support our efforts? Should I stop blaming others for my lack of will power?
WIBU to make a scene of putting it all in the bin in front of them next time to make a point?! If so, how should I tackle this given that having a sensible conversation with them doesn’t work?

YABVU. Have some self control and willpower and just don’t eat it.

You are blaming your poor self control on other people; take some responsibility for your behaviour or things will never improve.

'Thank you, my next door neighbour will like some of these too.'

Another point I would make, is that your child is 8 months - I bet you are not getting a full night’s sleep, which makes resisting sugary food much more difficult. So no, YANBU.

I understand where you're coming from OP, as I've had issues with binge eating and the only way for me to stay healthy is to just not have that stuff in the house! Unfortunately, people with a 'normal' relationship to food simply don't understand how hard it can be.

I'd smile politely and find a way to get rid of the excess. Workplaces are good for this reason! See if the school are having a bake sale.

Thanks for the replies.

I totally agree that my will power is the main problem hence why just not having that kind of food in the house is currently the best solution. I do believe that sugar is addictive and the less you eat the less you crave it.

I guess I just feel that a bit of support from family would be nice especially when they know I feel less confident at my current weight and am really trying to make a change before going back to work in a couple of months.

Bring it round to neighbours, a local mother & toddlers group, senior citizens group, meals on wheels ... Or just tell them if they bring it, you'll be throwing it out as you're eating more healthily. And then do.

They're trying to be nice, could you not give what you don't want to friends or neighbours or something

Can you just leave the pile of untouched tins on the side until they are about to leave, then bundle the lot back into the car whilst saying cheerily.. 'oooh I'd hate to see these go to waste, you take them'. Shut car door and run.

agree mixed messages, you say no,they bring, you eat

1. say thanks and bin once they have gone
2. say thanks and eat
3. say thanks and take to work
4. give it back to them

YABU. Send it into work or gift it to friends or a charity.
They're doing something nice. It isn't their fault that you don't have willpower. If you can't resist items in the cupboard then pack it into bags as soon as your PILs leave and put the bags in your car/a hard to reach cupboard.

I once left a litre of Vodka in an alcoholics home. It's not my fault they drank it, they should have exercised some self-control.

I find it really amusing that there are posters here acting like the only issue is the OP's willpower and ignoring the relative who's repeatedly ignoring requests not to turn up with half a bakery. As if it's normal to disregard such a reasonable and easily met request.

Or maybe them being an alcoholic is because they can't actually control themselves, and they partially rely on strategies like not actually having the forbidden stuff in the house. And I fucked that up for them.

I think you're being given a hard time by the 'just don't eat it' brigade.

You have asked politely and repeatedly for your PIL not to bring cake and yet they continue to do so. They are not being kind, they are being dis-respectful of your wishes. Some of us find temptation hard to resist and the best way for us to resist is not to have the temptation around. People who deliberately waft the temptation under your nose despite being asked not to are being disrespectful. In some ways they can be seen as manipulative. It's easier to start the re-training of taste buds and body away from cakes etc, if there's none around.

Ask them once more, with the extra that if they do bring cake they will be expected to keep the cake tins in their car and to take any remaining cake home with them. Don't let the cake tins across the threshold!!

I think it would be quite rude to refer to someone's lovingly handmade cakes as "junk", Jane.

Just take them to work, the local OAPs club, MH day centre, kids' school for staff to enjoy, or anywhere else where they might be appreciated (like my house).

I suspect they don't really understand you both have disordered eating though, all your husband said was you were trying to be good.

I think you both need to explain your issues, the lack of any form of control, the bingeing you both do, and then probably they will stop.

But if you just say we are trying to be good then stuff yourselves they probably don't understand.

So tell them about your disordered eating and ask them to stop bringing it. You could write the email tonight together.

It's a bit of both isn't it. You need to have willpower, but they should support you too.
Thank them, and eat some but not all of it. Give away what you don't want to friends, bring into work etc.

You'd be very rude to put their cakes etc in the bin. Just get some self control! And send anything left over back with them.

I bring it into work or give it to neighbours!

You'd be very rude to put their cakes etc in the bin.

It's very rude to turn up to someone's house with something they've specifically and repeatedly asked you not to bring.

I also wonder if you've been phrasing your requests to them so lightly Becayse deep down you both actually look forward to it and want them to bring it. Then after you have both binged on it, you feel bad and this is your reaction, to blame them.

Let's face it, "don't bring any cakes we are trying to be good" isn't really spelling it out. Then devouring it sends a strong signal you want it.

Which I suspect deep down uou both do. But like anyone who binges you feel shit after.

I think taking it to work is the way forward.

I was being tongue in cheek saying I would put it in the bin In front of them! They are lovely people and I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings I just wish they would listen.

Maybe the Pils like to eat it too. Plus nobody has a gun to the OP and her DH's head making them eat it.

Just because it's homemade doesn't make it any better really. I would classify junk food as unhealthy, high fat, high sugar food which this is.

don't bring any cakes we are trying to be good" isn't really spelling it out

The ‘don’t bring any cakes’ part seems pretty clear to me...