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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I pay so I get to decide the car

117 replies

Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:19

I am learning (finally )to drive. Given up on manual and am doing auto and doing quite well generally. Really hoping to have passed test by the summer.
Dilemma is we have a lease car through my work. It's manual. All comes out of my salary. I very rarely have any use out of the car as I walk,bus it everywhere. DH doesn't really 'go anywhere ' as such. Just drives to work and local. It's a big 7 seater. We have 4 dc and dogs.
Anyway,I guess I feel a bit resentful that I fork out all this cash for a car that I don't drive.and don't even travel as a passenger in that often.
DH definitely sees it as 'his car which I suppose is fair enough as he drives.but it narks me a bit.

Now he's saying when the lease is up we should get big auto that both can drive.
Fair enough,I kind of agree.
However,I can still see him seeing it as his car as he is the most experienced driver.
I feel I will be tied into another lease (which is a good deal btw) but won't benefit again

I think as I'm paying(selfish I know) I should maybe get a smaller car I can confidently drive. It's a long way off but worried if we only have one big,new car it will be too much as a new driver.
I think I should have the new car and maybe he should get a bigger family car for longer journeys when we all go out.
On a day to day basis,once I've passed I will definitely be driving the most.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
frasier · 05/02/2018 13:23

You work, your car. If you get something too big for your own comfort you won't want to use it and that is silly.

babyccinoo · 05/02/2018 13:26

Yes, if you want to continue with a lease car, get a car YOU can drive.

When is your lease up?

How are finances generally split, do you have a joint account?

Fabellini · 05/02/2018 13:27

As a family, can you afford two cars? Would it be more economical to lease the larger car through your work, and have the second car, bought with “family” funds, or your husbands money, be the smaller car you’d prefer to drive?

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:27

That's what I'm thinking.
Technically can't afford or don't want hassle of two cars but being realistic.
He says I will be fine driving a massive car but he's been driving for donkeys years.
This has taken a lot of courage and if I have any knockbacks to my confidence its will be difficult.

I also will be mighty pissed off if he acts like the new car is his,rather than ours.
Other option is get a run around for me and have another big car on lease.

OP posts:
Somerville · 05/02/2018 13:27

Sounds like you'll need two cars when you pass your test.
If your DH disagrees, then tell him you will always have first dibs on the car you lease through work, and ask what he'll be driving.
However, I do think you'd be unreasonable to expect him to continue doing all the chauffeuring of kids by swapping to a car so small that you can't share that hassle.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:29

Fabellini
Yes that's what I'm thinking too!
We don't have a joint account now.
We share our money. And split the bills and both just have what we want for ourselves generally.

OP posts:
Cath2907 · 05/02/2018 13:29

i'd say it depends on whether it is more sensible for you to get the big family car through work on a good leasing deal and for your husband to instead get you a smaller car that you can drive. Basically I'd see you as a unit that requires 2 cars - 1 larger family car and 1 smaller automatic for you. I'd say the unit should acquire both in whatever is the most financially sensible way for the unit to do this.
However he have a joint account and everything is paid out of that so I am used to seeing our finances as a single unit. Currently I drive the car that is ostensibly owned by hubby and he drives the one I own. It just ended up that way. As long as you both have a car to drive that suits you I am not sure it matter who is named as the owner of which.

Hont1986 · 05/02/2018 13:30

I wonder if the responses would be the same if this was a DH wanting to pack in the family car for a smaller run-around because "I pay for it". It's family money!

timeisnotaline · 05/02/2018 13:31

Hmm. Car should be a family decision but i would object strongly to dh calling a car ‘his’ because it was through his work if we only had one car. Also, I learnt to drive on a van and many people learn to drive on big cars. So I don’t buy the ‘you’re making it too hard for me’ anti-dh line, actually I think he’s expecting you to manage with a car that works for your family just like most people do. You’re safer in a crash anyway in a more family car!

But he would definitely have to make sure he treated it like our car not his car.

bridgetreilly · 05/02/2018 13:31

"It's a long way off."

Don't worry about it until then.

Cath2907 · 05/02/2018 13:31

I agree though that once you drive you will need to become confident in driving something big enough for taxiing kids and so forth. My husband tends to do family driving but sometimes he fancies a beer and I need to be able to hop into the driving seat. For this reason both family car and smaller run around need to be automatic.

MrsHathaway · 05/02/2018 13:33

Small cars aren't necessarily easier to drive, btw. Being higher up is a big advantage.

An automatic with lots of high spec features such as auto headlights, auto wipers, auto adjusting seats, parking sensors, parking camera etc and integrated satnav and entertainment is VASTLY easier to drive. I'd be looking at those features ahead of the actual shape and size of the car.

For insurance purposes he might end up as the first named driver, but that doesn't make it his car. Correct him every single time.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:34

I don't want him to do all the chauffering! I will probably take the dc put all the time on a day to day basis,school hols etc when he's at work. Which is the reason I need to drive so that in not isolated. Could fit in smaller car without him and eldest dc who didntbwant to come.mostly.
Family hols however I would expect he would drive. Particularly as I think I'd feel very nervous with him watching and -criticise- comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:34

Sorry criticise or comment*

OP posts:
incrediblehux · 05/02/2018 13:36

Once you pass, you would probably find you adjust to any new car pretty quickly, even if it's bigger than the car you learnt in.
I don't understand who would have the greatest need for a car after you've passed. Will you both be driving to work each day? If so, it's reasonable for you to have a car you feel confident and safe driving. As to who should get to drive a newer car, maybe make the decision based on what benefits the family most - if you're married I don't really see why it matters whose pay packet it comes out of.

MrsHathaway · 05/02/2018 13:37

Ugh, yes. Practise the following, which I've used with DH many a time:

"This is not a driving lesson."

or indeed, if I'm driving because he's had a drink:

"This is a taxi, not a driving lesson."

Following which, fluent Anglo-Saxon Grin

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:39

Mrs Hathaway thanks
Our car now is very hi spec but of course I have no experience of driving it to know whether it's easier
Car least is up may but I don't know when I will pass my test

Definitely definitely,if we have 2 cars both will be auto.
I don't see the money as mine or his. But he sees the car as his,hence why I'm getting petty.

OP posts:
Somerville · 05/02/2018 13:41

Ah well, in that case it's just a situation of sitting down and working out the wisest financial desicion. It may well be for you to continue funding the large family car, as your work deal is so good. And then him fund the smaller car for you. Make both automatics in case of emergency.

However if your kids are quite young, be aware that a very small car just won't fit in the amount of stuff they need to take to school as they get bigger.

Also, try driving a big automatic before you decide you want a small car. I love the high-up driving position of my 7 seater, and wouldn't willingly go back to something small.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:43

I'm not bothered about driving to work. I'm happy on public transport.
Even though it's not close to home.
He works very very close to home and drives. He pretends he wpuld happily travel on public transport. Only because it's never going to happen.
He's a very decent bloke normally but has made some very spiteful comments about me driving which is not like him. This is why I want to get it right.
Said he wouldn't feel safe with me driving!!later,he back tracked and said was a joke.
I'm a bit sensitive on this subject so it pissed me off.

OP posts:
Somerville · 05/02/2018 13:43

This is a taxi, not a driving lesson.

That is brilliant and I will be using that line a lot in future! (On DD1 who can't drive but criticises mine Hmm)

MrsHathaway · 05/02/2018 13:44

Are you insured on the car? If not, why not?

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:45

Can't be insured as lease
Need full driving license. Plus it's manual anyway. And I'm never doing manual again!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:48

Lots of people tell me a big car is easier.
He initially told me that he thinks I'd struggle with a big car.
He obviously now knows that wasn't the best thing to say,which is why he's saying we should get one big car between us.
It's put doubts in my head though.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 05/02/2018 13:49

I have a manual licence but haven't driven a manual for ... well, bloody ages anyway. Automatics used to be crap but really aren't nowadays. I expect manual will die out for everyday cars in the next decade or so.

I have to say I'm surprised, though, that you're even allowed to lease a car as a perk when you personally can't drive it. You learn a new thing every day.

GrockleBocs · 05/02/2018 13:49

Why don't you get something small and cheap that won't matter if you clip a wheel or a bumper in? Using his money or family money, however your finances are organised.
Drive that to get your confidence up and then when you get to the point of making the lease decision, you'll know the pros and cons of a 2nd car. You might feel confident to try a bigger car. You could get an auto big car and make yourself drive it.