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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I pay so I get to decide the car

117 replies

Suntrap · 05/02/2018 13:19

I am learning (finally )to drive. Given up on manual and am doing auto and doing quite well generally. Really hoping to have passed test by the summer.
Dilemma is we have a lease car through my work. It's manual. All comes out of my salary. I very rarely have any use out of the car as I walk,bus it everywhere. DH doesn't really 'go anywhere ' as such. Just drives to work and local. It's a big 7 seater. We have 4 dc and dogs.
Anyway,I guess I feel a bit resentful that I fork out all this cash for a car that I don't drive.and don't even travel as a passenger in that often.
DH definitely sees it as 'his car which I suppose is fair enough as he drives.but it narks me a bit.

Now he's saying when the lease is up we should get big auto that both can drive.
Fair enough,I kind of agree.
However,I can still see him seeing it as his car as he is the most experienced driver.
I feel I will be tied into another lease (which is a good deal btw) but won't benefit again

I think as I'm paying(selfish I know) I should maybe get a smaller car I can confidently drive. It's a long way off but worried if we only have one big,new car it will be too much as a new driver.
I think I should have the new car and maybe he should get a bigger family car for longer journeys when we all go out.
On a day to day basis,once I've passed I will definitely be driving the most.
Any thoughts?

OP posts:
sashh · 05/02/2018 14:16

How old are the children? Will they be learning to drive soon?

You pay, it is your car, get one you will enjoy driving.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:16

I can happily stand up for myself. The other option is fuck the lease right off. Buy myself a second hand car and him sort himself out.
The only reason I.planned two cars is as I don't want him even so.much as making a comment that the lease car is his or that I'm not safe to drive it. I'm not saying he would,but my driving confidence is so fragile that I'm protecting myself from all eventualities!

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:17

No kids not learning to drive. Eldest could. Rest primary school age.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 05/02/2018 14:20

You need a bigger car because of the DC and dogs. So believe us all when we say bigger cars are easier to drive than smaller cars Smile The only problem comes when parking them, but they come with all mod-cons to help you do that competently.

As for getting access to the car, simply let DH know that you will need the car 24/7 during all school holidays for the purposes of taking the children out. As that will be weather dependent, you cannot plan it in advance. So for 13-14 weeks of the year, he'll have to make his own way to work. No skin of his nose if he lives as close to work as you say.

Of course if you really want him to feel pain, make sure that school has HIS telephone number for school-day emergencies, on the grounds that he has the car and can get there quicker to pick up sick children much quicker than you. That was enough for my DH to let me have the car most of the time!

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:20

Computational
It's not a perk at the minute.
As I don't go in it hardly!
I travel by public transport to school work and shops.
He goes work in it. Pops see his parents takes kid sports and school one or twice a week.
I maybe have a lift if I've got a big shop.
Day to day no use to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:21

Great response eggys!

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 05/02/2018 14:21

Is it just me or does all this talk of family this and that annoy anyone else? If it were me I'd be choosing my lease car to fit my needs and desires

That would be selfish though. If your family only needs/wants one car, why would you choose one that only suits you? I'm not saying that your DH should get to choose, but surely between you, you would choose what suits the family as a whole.

LakieLady · 05/02/2018 14:21

You pay, you choose. Seems reasonable to me.

It seems crazy to be paying for a car you can't use.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:23

Lakie
That's why I'm learning.
I'm.not having another year
Looking at a big car on the drive as I walk to the bus stop like a mug

OP posts:
budgiegirl · 05/02/2018 14:24

Day to day no use to me
Well, I would say if you only have one car (once you can drive it), whoever has the most expensive/difficult journey by public transport, regardless of distance, gets to drive the car to work.
And once you are able to drive, surely you'll be sharing the kids sports trips etc, so you will get more use out if it then.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:26

Yes I will. DH drives mostly put of laziness.

I love walking but when I do drive,it will be out of necessity.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 14:28

I initially agreed to the lease as I thought it would overall be cheaper and ì would benefit too as passenger.
This hasn't happened.

OP posts:
Amanduh · 05/02/2018 14:38

Basically everything Aspergallus said.
Also, I can kind of see why he calls it ‘his’ car... as he’s the only one that drives it and uses it.. it makes sense.

grannytomine · 05/02/2018 14:39

My husbands car is a big 7 seater, don't ask me why as a retired couple we need 2 cars with one of them a 7 seater. I don't think it is harder driving a big car except we live in a rural area and I avoid narrow lanes. I hate having to reverse a big car down narrow lanes. I can do it, just don't like it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/02/2018 14:42

If you get a big car, get one with a rear camera and side sensors, that way it will be a doddle to park. You will have to get used to driving in something, which has an extra metre at the back and is a lot wider. Dh and I both have automatics, love them.

If you’re going for 2 cars, it probably would work out cheaper to buy them on finance than lease. Dh and I bought mine on finance and his outright when we got some cash through. As long as your car isn’t a dud, why change it every few years? It’s just a workhorse unless you’re heavily into cars. Dh got rid of our last car when it was 10 years old simply because he fancied a change and had the cash.

I’d get one bigger car to take the dogs and children with ease and a smaller car, perhaps something like a Golf as suggested upthread, which will take you, the kids and at a squeeze the dogs in if absolutely necessary. You’ll possibly want to have the cheaper car insured in your name as it may work out cheaper. However, there are many insurance options options out there including dh getting both insurances in his name, which is fine if you can earn no claims discount as a named driver.

I’d do some number crunching. Do remember however, heavy cars like 7 seaters wear tyres out really quickly and there are lots of on costs with owning you car.

Fintress · 05/02/2018 14:46

Small cars aren't necessarily easier to drive, btw. Being higher up is a big advantage.

I agree with this. Plus a lot of cars have parking cameras as standard. We have a 360 camera and it is fantastic.

Fintress · 05/02/2018 14:47

Oh and your lease, you most definitely get a huge say in what you are paying for.

StatisticallyChallenged · 05/02/2018 14:54

It's definitely not just a size thing when it comes to ease of driving. I started off learning in my instructors yaris. Hated it. Switched to learning in our megane - with parking sensors- And passed first time in it.

Year or so later and with very few miles under my belt, we went up to a 7 seater. Also a lease and with full 360 cameras, it was dead easy to drive and park, great visibility, nice driving position.

3 years on and we sized down to a golf r and ive driven it maybe 3 times. I hate it. Gave up and bought a little fiat 500 which does barely any miles but its mine so i don't care! Its more about finding a car you feel comfortable in - I'm not especially short but i do have a short torso and in a lot of cars that means rubbish visibility at the front.

I hear you on the husband getting car compliments too -all of our recent ones have been in my name and paid for by me and there is something a bit irritating about the assumptions! He's paying for his next car.

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 05/02/2018 14:55

I became a much more confident driver when I got a big 7 seater. I feel really vulnerable when I have to drive our smaller car. The bigger cars give a much better view of the road behind and as there are so many bigger cars on the road now, I'm on a level and don't feel intimidated.

ThatFuckingVase · 05/02/2018 14:57

Driving 2.5 miles to work... could he be talked into walking/cycling at least some of the time, that's really not a big distance. Then you could manage with just one car, and make it the big automatic 'family' car.

I am convinced that 'big cars are more difficult to drive' is a myth perpetuated my men who feel insecure about their wives or girlfriends being 'allowed' to do any of the driving.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/02/2018 15:03

Honestly, he’s put this stupid notion into your head that you wont be able to manage a big car, it’s rubbish.

I haven’t got time to list out all of the pro’s & con’s as I have to leave for school pick up, but, the HUGE Landrover Discovery & 9 seater mini busses I’ve had/driven were MUCH easier to drive & park compar3d Yo mid size cars. The Picanto & Peugeot 108 were easy to park because they’re tiny, but..they’re far too tiny to be a useful car for a family. Mid size cars with parking sensors/camera are fine, but give me a Land Rover or similar any day.

If you get your licence soon go & test drive some, if you don’t, take some lessons in bigger cars.

If you’re getting a lease, you’re presumably getting a new car, so go for a rear camera & front sensors..,then you’ll be fine in a double decker bus!

I think EVERYONE is better off in a car that has a bit of road presence, I was VERY happy to get my new car & take the tiny rental back.

Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 15:06

Yes the car compliments poss me off big style. It's a family car so not flash,but I guess,as it was brand new it seemed more attractive when we got it.
He wpuld cycle or get the bus to work butbi love to see how long he would last. It's easy talking about it but I doubt he wpuld do what i do on a day to day basis.
Part of me(and I hate admitting this feels like being a bit spiteful and doing something that will leave him feeling a bit shit like I do.
Of course it's not his fault that I don't drive but he's hardly been supportive
He meet really mentions my lessons unless I bring the subject. He hadn't even told his family I was learning!!
I would love to see what he would ld say to his dad if I got a small lease and it was mainly miñe. (Childish).
As I bet his a family not even fit me into the equation as far a cars are concerned
Presume it's his and I'm just the little woman passenger

And he wouldn't speak up and say I'm earning and we are sharing a big car THAT I PAY FOR!
Sorry
I'm bitter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 15:07

I'm.learming,not earning*
And excuse massive typos

OP posts:
Original poster
Suntrap · 05/02/2018 15:09

Thanks Annie

OP posts:
llangennith · 05/02/2018 15:10

By the time you’ve passed your test you’ll be a lot more confident about driving. Within a very short time after that, so long as you drive regularly, you’ll be perfectly happy with any sized car.
Then you have first dibs on YOUR car.