AIBU to think I pay so I get to decide the car

[Suntrap]

I am learning (finally )to drive. Given up on manual and am doing auto and doing quite well generally. Really hoping to have passed test by the summer.
Dilemma is we have a lease car through my work. It's manual. All comes out of my salary. I very rarely have any use out of the car as I walk,bus it everywhere. DH doesn't really 'go anywhere ' as such. Just drives to work and local. It's a big 7 seater. We have 4 dc and dogs.
Anyway,I guess I feel a bit resentful that I fork out all this cash for a car that I don't drive.and don't even travel as a passenger in that often.
DH definitely sees it as 'his car which I suppose is fair enough as he drives.but it narks me a bit.

Now he's saying when the lease is up we should get big auto that both can drive.
Fair enough,I kind of agree.
However,I can still see him seeing it as his car as he is the most experienced driver.
I feel I will be tied into another lease (which is a good deal btw) but won't benefit again

I think as I'm paying(selfish I know) I should maybe get a smaller car I can confidently drive. It's a long way off but worried if we only have one big,new car it will be too much as a new driver.
I think I should have the new car and maybe he should get a bigger family car for longer journeys when we all go out.
On a day to day basis,once I've passed I will definitely be driving the most.
Any thoughts?

He initially told me that he thinks I'd struggle with a big car.

Has he been weird about your learning to drive more generally? He's made so many negative remarks I wonder if he's enjoyed having it as his thing.

Of course you need to choose a car you can build up both your confidence and NCB. Could DH pay the lease for his penis extension and you buy a cheapo run around (my Honda Jazz is amazing-total trusty steed, as was my Micra so would recommend either. My Land Rover on the other hand...shite). That would be fair/sensible etc.

I think the same as Cath, I think you both need to change your thinking so that it's not his & hers cars but just our cars. They both need to be something you can drive i.e automatic.

Technically I own the small car and DP owns the family one but we just jump in whatever one we need at the time.

Yes Mrs Hathaway. X 1000.
He denies this of course.
However,I think he thought I'd never do it and quite enjoyed having the big shiny car as his

"Ooh nice car Mr suntrap "
From his family etc.
I never get in the frigging car

I'm all for sharing the family money
But I literally get in that car once a fortnight. So it grieves me a bit.
He commented on me not being able to manage a big car and similar comments.
This was a while ago I must say. And now he's backpeddled a lot
Said it was joke and now gone the opposite by suddenly saying of course I can drive a big car!
Sounds childish
I'm very confident normally but driving has been a huge step for me. I'm certainly not a natural driver and it's affected me.
I.also feel nervous about one day driving in front of him.

Honestly, with 4dc and dogs you'd be nuts to get a small car, when you can't afford and don't need 2 cars.

What you are suggesting is impractical and just based on new driver fear really, isn't it? Cost/who pays is irrelevant -surely it's family money and the dc of both of you are being driven around in it?

Switch to an automatic in the most practical model for the whole family, and if you are nervous pay for additional lessons in your own car after your test -much cheaper than getting the wrong car, or 2 cars when only 1 is needed.

Barefoof

Yes asper
That defo makes the most sense
Really the lease car will be enough to fork out without the cost of even an old run around. It's another bill.

Is it just me or does all this talk of family this and that annoy anyone else? If it were me I'd be choosing my lease car to fit my needs and desires, if my dh wanted to drive it fine but has no say in what it is. I have my car that I chose and paid for, himself has his on the same basis. There is no family car.

It’s not a penis extension, it’s a 7 seater family car. Very unsexy. But highly practical. It’s a compromise and finances and the needs of the family need to be considered. I’m not sure if buying cars we don’t need is ever a good idea considering the environmental cost as well as personal finances. Communal electric robot cars are the future.

I love driving manual weirdly. I don’t get not being able to do it but I do know the nerves have got worse as I got older, even worse post kids.

Big cars are actually easier to drive. Easier to park too with the high up seat. Why don't you look for a local instructor with a large car and do just one odd lesson to see if you get on with it?

Hi OP,

I haven’t read the full thread but wanted to share my experience. I passed my test once we already had kids and we had a seven seater. It became my car, and I got used to it VERY quickly. In fact I find it hard to drive a smaller car! I turned out to be good at parallel parking so that worked out, I do get nervous reversing into a bay park but it’s fine.
Good luck!

Won’t you be getting hammered on tax for a company car?

Bluelady
I have been thinking exactly what you said. But feel a bitch.
However,I am happy to fork out on a 'family car
But not when he acts like he does and talks of it being his!

With four kids there has to be a family car. Unless you are happy dividing up holidays and outings. Or if you had plenty of cash to splash.

It's not a company car it's a lease

Do you really want a 'shiny new lease car' so soon after passing your test? Most bumps/scrapes happen in the first year after passing your test, and scratches or damage to alloys etc will cost you at the end of your lease.

I would get a little auto runaround plus upgrade the 'family' car for an auto for when you feel more confident. You can pick and choose which you drive when then

Fukki
Thanks
I'd like to throw myself into It!
I'm being realistic though and thinking I find it very hard to just space in the small car I'm learning in!!!

But he sees the car as his
I can sort of understand this, if he's the only one that actually drives it, and uses it very regularly. But I think I would make sure that he understands that any car you get once you've passed your test belongs to both of you.

To be fair, if you are only going to have one car, then it makes sense for it to be a larger family car, especially with four DC and a dog. Do you really never all go out together in it?

If you can afford two cars, then look at the finances. It probably would be best to lease a larger car, then buy a small second car privately, especially while you build your confidence.

I'm very confident normally but driving has been a huge step for me. I'm certainly not a natural driver and it's affected me.
I.also feel nervous about one day driving in front of him

This will pass with time. Once you've built your confidence, you'll be fine. If he dares to comment on your driving, just threaten to dump him on the side of the road! Works with my DH

Oh I just don't know
Too many options!

We do go out as a family yes
But I'm the organiser usually
I have more time off work with dc and there's many a time I'm isolated in school hols with not driving and him driving 2.5 miles up the road to work.its frustrating.
Well perhaps not isolated. I can get buses and trains. But I'm limited.
I want independence and not rely on him for days out that I want to go.on.

You have 2 very different issues. One is big vs small car. Another vote for bigger is easier to drive, better vision.

The other is your DH being an idiot.

Him being unhelpful is not a good reason to have 2 cars or a smaller car. Why should you provide a car for him and then take public transport to work? You should stand up for yourself.

I've struggled to follow your logic. Surely a perk of your job is a perk for the family.

If the car you want can't take DH, eldest DC and the dogs then you're being selfish.

I'd be very angry if DH called his company car 'his' in the same way I'd be angry about him talking about 'his' wages. Ina family you pool and do what's best for everyone.

If he's the one who drives a car then I can see how it's human nature to call something his. Because we have 2 cars and they're both ours and we both drive them it's different.

Are you sure what you want and what you (as a family) can afford?

How many people are usually in the car when it's used? How often does it need to be able to fit everyone in?

If you did the sums, would it be as cheap to lease something small and automatic (if it's primary commuting with just your DP in it - but gives you the option to use it sometimes too) then if you want to go out as a family, rent something big? Big rentals are expensive, so it might not actually work out.

I will say, that by preference I go for medium sized cars (Golf-sized) - but these days I drive a dual cab pickup truck around very narrow streets and it's absolutely fine - the high cab, big mirrors and the reversing cameras and other sensors make manoeuvring it super-easy.

But I feel a bitch

Err no.

Tell him he's reaping what his comments sowed and that you can smell the burning rubber of his backtracking a mile off. You'll decide what you're happy driving and if that decision is affected by his sneering, well - he shouldn't have sneered.

Overall - make the best financial decision though, and definitely drive around a bit in the big car before deciding.

If the family outings where you need a huge car are few and far between then you could always hire a car just for those days?