AIBU to think I pay so I get to decide the car

[Suntrap]

I am learning (finally )to drive. Given up on manual and am doing auto and doing quite well generally. Really hoping to have passed test by the summer.
Dilemma is we have a lease car through my work. It's manual. All comes out of my salary. I very rarely have any use out of the car as I walk,bus it everywhere. DH doesn't really 'go anywhere ' as such. Just drives to work and local. It's a big 7 seater. We have 4 dc and dogs.
Anyway,I guess I feel a bit resentful that I fork out all this cash for a car that I don't drive.and don't even travel as a passenger in that often.
DH definitely sees it as 'his car which I suppose is fair enough as he drives.but it narks me a bit.

Now he's saying when the lease is up we should get big auto that both can drive.
Fair enough,I kind of agree.
However,I can still see him seeing it as his car as he is the most experienced driver.
I feel I will be tied into another lease (which is a good deal btw) but won't benefit again

I think as I'm paying(selfish I know) I should maybe get a smaller car I can confidently drive. It's a long way off but worried if we only have one big,new car it will be too much as a new driver.
I think I should have the new car and maybe he should get a bigger family car for longer journeys when we all go out.
On a day to day basis,once I've passed I will definitely be driving the most.
Any thoughts?

HoppingPavlova
Yes my plan was just one new auto on lease
And this is what DH also thinks(now, after his back tracking). It's the most sensible option financially and we dont technically need two cars.
I'm sure 2 cars would be useful but having 2 drivers in the house is the most useful option. And both of us can get to work and school and shops without a car.
The only reason I'm thinking about The 2 car thingy is just in case I regret the one car lease as once I'm in it I'm stuck. What if I do find in hard to drive (I guess I will just have to keep practicing)or what if he tries to take over? I will just want to say fuck off and jump in my car that he has no access to!!
He sometimes talks to me like a child in the car when I'm a passenger.
Don't drop crumbs,silly stuff. I'm not messy at all and he's certainly not tidy in the house. It's all part of this acting like it's his. But if the car did get damaged I would foot the bill.its my responsibility.
I will not be sharing a car and tolerating him telling me to be careful every time by use It!

Do not put up with being spoken to or treated like that. I wouldn’t treat my teen learning to drive like that, I certainly wouldn’t treat my partner like that. Really be strong on that point. Don’t let him take over. Do tell him to fuck off if necessary.

What kind of car are you practising in now? I recall it’s an automatic and you currently have the manual. Is there any way you can practice in a large automatic the size you would be looking at getting while you are currently learning? Mine is fine in our large car because they know no different. If you are using a driving school I’m not sure there would be a choice from a large variety of vehicles though?

Anyway all the best with your test and future driving life!

Sorry to butt in but how is it possible to get a car leased to someone who doesn't have a license ? Presumably the employer knows the OP isn't doing the driving. Is that covered by insurance/tax, the fact that the person taking out the lease can't actually drive ?

And on the actual issue - my boyfriend was a nightmare when I was having lessons, kept pointing out what the instructor was teaching me was wrong, told me he'd be doing most of the driving etc. Within 2 years of passing the test (and paying for 3/4 of the car !) I was doing 95% of the driving, and he's much more relaxed about it all now. Those first two years were tricky, but honestly, it would be whoever you were sharing the car with - it's driving for real, without a safety net. I say keep the large car, you'll be amazed how quickly you'll build your confidence - I used to be physically sick before some of my lessons and dreaded driving in the car for the first few weeks after the test, now I love it and would happily drive anywhere.

Does he clean the car? I admit I might be a tiny bit guilty of telling my family not to make a mess, because I do most of the housework.
If you clean the car, then def tell him to bugger off. Either way, he does need pulling up on the talking to you like a child.

Queenbeet
Of course it's possible.
The car finance is deducted from my salary and DH is named driver. But I could have anyone as name driver really-me or anyone. Just have to send driving licence to them for details. Insurance is in the cost It's surely no different from me going to a car showroom and buying a car. There's no law to say I can't buy a car even if I don't drive It!

Yes be does clean the car. I would clean it though if he wanted. But strangely he seems to have taken over the cleaning of it. Fine by me
I don't mess the car up though. As I said I'm barely in it
It's another one of his possessive car traits though.

I don't know anyone with an automatic and especially a large one to practice in. My instructor is independent so not an option to change vehicles.
Only option I think is lessons after I've passed.

OH has the big vehicle 4x4, this takes the dogs and all the family,. I have a little mini 12 years old. I am the one who has to find little spaces when shopping so like the nippiness of it. His mileage is higher than mine. Son will start driving lessons soon so it makes sense to hang onto the mini until he can drive.

He always gets the new car, I get the gently worn a few years old ones because imo. I save a lot of money. He never keeps a car more than 5 years I keep mine for a decade.

Just let him have the big vehicle and find yourself a good deal on a little runabout.

My instructor offered to come out with me in my car after I passed. Would have bern cheaper than the standard lesson too, because it wouldn't have been using his petrol etc, so that's definitely an option. How far are you from taking your test? Be nice to get it done before he gets too attached to the new car.

I'm.nowhere near the test yet. But goal is try by summer
He can't get claws into.new car!

A car needs to be suitable for all the drivers' needs.

DH and I have our own cars. I have a mid-sized car which is fine for ferrying around and the odd long trip. DH has the bigger car which is useful for camping and DIY supplies. I don't get on with DH's car as the ergonomics are wrong for a short person. The hand brake is behind me and gears by my hip and the design of the accelerator locks my muscular calf and tiny feet to a difficult angle against the bulk of the driver's seat. As an occasional driver of his car, I don't have to suck it up too often. If it was a joint car or I was putting a significant amount of my money into it, I would expect a greater veto about my driving comfort ( He's had other cars of a similar class that were considerably better, it's not an automatic problem of a larger car)

I have been having driving lessons on and off for 10 years. In that time I have had 3 children and a passenger in an accident so things have gotten in the way. Our family car was a huge 7 seater. I would have lessons in a tiny manual. I couldnt practise in our car because it was huge and I had so many blind spots with carseats and a terrible back window in our grand scenic. i would have migraines from the stress of getting in the car and listened to others who told me I would get used the 7 seater to learn in and didnt need a small run around. It wouldnt be logical as dh didnt drive to work and there was a car in the driveway(that i couldnt drive). I listened for years and the kids kept getting older. Last year I went out and bought an automatic clio and haven't looked back. Its an auto, its small and its a banger. I love driving it. All of a sudden I have confidence and feel I am a safer driver than I was in the MPV because I didnt feel like I was in control of the car, just hung on for dear life. It might not make sense to have 2 cars but it has been worth it. I will be sitting my test soon and I genuinely am confident that I will pass. Dh hasn't been in the car with me since May last year, just family members. I drove him to the bus stop last week and he was amazed, I took a turn I would never have taken this time last year, he said he felt that I was a better driver in the small car to the big car. I have no doubts with more practice in the future I will drive the family car, but for now there is no pressure. I've had a lot more hours driving under my belt now and dont feel anxious getting into the car.

If you feel the right thing for you is to get a small car that you feel comfortable to drive then go for it. With 4 kids you will need to keep a 7 seater so get a small run around until you pass your test and feel comfortable being able to drive the bigger car then sell it or use it for trade in .

Vandree
See this is like me. I'm wondering whether I will be the same as you. I just don't know. Will I get the hang of a big car . Or will the stress of each journey kill me?
Are you just doing automatic then?

I genuinely tried for years with a big manual. I just couldn't get to grips to my spacial awareness in it. I much rather my small car, I can reverse easily, I can see where the car begins and ends and can see out all the windows and mirrors comfortably. I have no doubt that had I been a more experienced driver I would find the 7 seater fine. But for a new learner struggling and having pressures such as children in the car and passengers the clio suits me much better. The way I see it there is a reason all driving instructors use small cars and why most learners purchase a small car when they pass. I felt there was a lot of pressure because we had children and needed a large MPV that I was expected to skip a few steps right to the experienced drivers car. I cant tell you how much my anxiety has gotten better and I no longer spend 24 hours before having to get into the car spent with migraines and feeling sick to my stomach. I am aware to others it sounds ridiculous, mainly to experienced drivers who feel I should get on with it and itll be fine, except they had to start somewhere small too and seem to forget how they felt as learners also.

I paid 1500euro for my automatic clio, its a brilliant little car and hasn't caused me any worry. It was worth the money to me personally. We also have the large family car that dh uses and we use for family drives. At the time dh was dubious but seeing as he is out of the house 14 hours a day and away a lot I am the one who will have to transport the children around. Our school carpark is tiny and there are accidents there weekly, the clio is so much easier for me to manouver whereas with the mpv I wouldnt even have tried to use the carpark, ever. He realised that for me to get experience and to pass my test I had to feel more comfortable and safe so i could learn. To be honest I am only learning for my children, I would quite happily never drive again. I much prefer walking or using public transport but thats harder with children and 6 school runs a day.

I genuinely tried for years with a big manual. I just couldn't get to grips to my spacial awareness in it. I much rather my small car, I can reverse easily, I can see where the car begins and ends and can see out all the windows and mirrors comfortably. I have no doubt that had I been a more experienced driver I would find the 7 seater fine. But for a new learner struggling and having pressures such as children in the car and passengers the clio suits me much better. The way I see it there is a reason all driving instructors use small cars and why most learners purchase a small car when they pass. I felt there was a lot of pressure because we had children and needed a large MPV that I was expected to skip a few steps right to the experienced drivers car. I cant tell you how much my anxiety has gotten better and I no longer spend 24 hours before having to get into the car spent with migraines and feeling sick to my stomach. I am aware to others it sounds ridiculous, mainly to experienced drivers who feel I should get on with it and itll be fine, except they had to start somewhere small too and seem to forget how they felt as learners also.

I paid 1500euro for my automatic clio, its a brilliant little car and hasn't caused me any worry. It was worth the money to me personally. We also have the large family car that dh uses and we use for family drives. At the time dh was dubious but seeing as he is out of the house 14 hours a day and away a lot I am the one who will have to transport the children around. Our school carpark is tiny and there are accidents there weekly, the clio is so much easier for me to manouver whereas with the mpv I wouldnt even have tried to use the carpark, ever. He realised that for me to get experience and to pass my test I had to feel more comfortable and safe so i could learn. To be honest I am only learning for my children, I would quite happily never drive again. I much prefer walking or using public transport but thats harder with children and 6 school runs a day.

The way I see it there is a reason all driving instructors use small cars and why most learners purchase a small car when they pass.

Vandree - I respect your reasoning and your lived experience but surely the main reason new drivers have a small car is cost ... Insurance in particular is cheaper if you have a small engine.

Same, failed four tests over 20 years in a manual car, passed first time in an auto. It is so much easier.

The size of the car of matters for parking. The pain of a big car is the parking. Do you have a drive way?

But ignore the Husband and practise practise practise. Mine starts up when I drive but I just ignore him. And point out his faults when he drives! To be fair, if you have been the driver for years it’s hard to sit in the passenger seat. But he’ll get there. Just ignore him, don’t try and change his attitude, rely on yourself and you will pass.