To think small children in boarding schools aren’t there because they want to be?

[SwearyG]

I am trying to unpick some of the gaslighting from my family at the moment and one of the things I am constantly told about being sent off to board at age 8 (I took the entrance exam on my eighth birthday) was that “you begged to go”.

I have no memory of this “begging” and neither does my DS (3 years older) but it is written into family lore and used by my parents as the reason that I was sent. I can’t make head nor tail of this as an adult as I certainly wouldn’t put that sort of decision in the hands of a child. It’s presented as my choice and nothing to do with them.

AIBU to think they’re gaslighting me and it was their choice to put me into boarding school, and not something any parent would do because their child asked or “begged”?

Jeremy Hardy said the last word on boarding schools in an edition of
"The News Quiz":

"I didn't go to a boarding school, because my parents quite liked me".

Some parents choose to board their older children, those studying towards GCSE onwards, because their job requires they live abroad or sometimes there are no suitable schools within travelling distance. If the Housemaster/mistress and staff are good and available even in the middle of the night, boarding from 11 can be ok. I would only do it in case of need and think 11 to 13 year olds need a separate boarding house and smaller unit, of no more than 15 in each house. There are a lot of advantages to boarding when the child is older (at least 13, pref. 14). I would never countenance it at the age of 8.

Only a child who has a horrible home life might beg to be sent off to boarding school.

Selfish twat parents who CBA to raise their own children always have some great big lie at the ready to justify sending their child away.

My MIL would have people believe that my husband was practically one step from becoming a gangbanger or sociopath had she not had the good sense to send him off to boarding school.

When I asked what he was doing that was so bad, she described run of the mill pre-pubescent behaviour. The truth is that she couldn't handle normal parental responsibility and normal conflict and she put all the blame on him for her shortcomings as a parent.

Only a child who has a horrible home life might beg to be sent off to boarding school.

I'm inclined to agree, certainly before 13, anyway.

I would have quite liked it at around 8 or 10 and I think my mother would have quite liked it too. In fact I'm sure she'd have sent us if she could have afforded it.

I'm sure you are right. Possibly your mother and father feel guilty. No responsible parent would make such a significant decision based on what an 8 year old said in any case.
Eight years old is far too young to be sent away to boarding school in pretty much any set of circumstances. I know a few people who have been messed up or very much affected by their boarding school experience. All of those sent away at such a young age, whatever the reason, have said that they wouldn't consider sending any child of theirs at such a young age.

No child wants to go to school. I cried my eyes out being told I had to go to school because I was '5'. I adjusted and got on alright after a while. I didn't like going up to the next school that I was in the catchment area for either. I was just told all schools have problems so just get on with it. Getting school places for children isn't easy even if you have the money and my mother was a stay-at-home to 3 under 5's....so doing best by all 3 of them all the time wasn't easy...organised chaos would be the best word. Then we got to teenagers and all hell broke loose...so perhaps try to be not to harsh on them if you are still at least on talking terms.

Did your test results give you some sort of scholarship that would pay the fees if they couldn't? The majority of my family thought if you could add, subtract and multiply alright that was good enough. Being able to spell, read, and write clearly also.

Are you happy in your life now? The rest doesn't matter.

My older and younger brothers, and I, went to boarding school as our father was in the Navy. My two younger sisters didn't as we had a more settled home then. I suppose I always knew I would go, was a big Enid Blyton fan (though to be fair my Mum said it wouldn't really be like that.....) and at 11 was quite happy. I would NOT have wanted to go at 8, I certainly didn't 'beg' at any stage, and no 8 year old would have a clue what they were signing up for even if they did! Definitely a guilt-assuaging false memory on behalf of your parents, OP! (I actually really enjoyed it, but that's beside the point).