To wish I had never bought the fucking xbox

[theduchessstill]

I have unplugged the xbox and put it away after another morning of screaming and arguing over it. Ds2 is sobbing in my bed, DS1 is stomping about yelling he hates me and slamming doors and it's totally out of control and I don't know what to do.

They are allowed 2 hours each on the weekend days and get up at the crack of dawn to get on it. They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc.

After several warnings about the whining and arguing resulting in a total ban I have followed through and taken it away, so WW3 has erupted. I know I should have followed through sooner but I am constantly being told by ds1 that I have ruined his life by divorcing and that 'normal' people have far more time on their Xboxes than he does and I do kind of think it's rough on them that they don't have one at their dad's, so that's why I've been reluctant to put it away - it was a Christmas present.

So fed up of looking forward to my weekends with them just for them to erupt in a shitstorm of crying and yelling. I even bought a second telly so they could do different things at different times, but ds2, wh has always loved watching The Voice with me declared it boring this morning and went off to clock-watch. WTF do I do?

These threads always attract luddites.

TheStoic, that is a shame. My GSs play games about sport, they are sport mad. So they are playing football or something like that or they are managing teams, buying and selling players and working out strategies. The only thing that seems to enrage them is if they can't agree which game to play.

Mother, yes I do. And?

I'm an artist, so even if i'm not playing i'm sat at my latop working in my art programme, or on my tablet. I;m not very well at the moment so not feeling creative and there is fuck all on telly.

Would you give a Website creator the face or an office worker who spent all day looking at a computer, or do you just get your judgy pants on over leisure time spent doing it?

Yes, it starts with sports and minecraft, but unbeknown to you they start sharing other more popular games with friends, and as a rule, putting minecraft aside, most popular games are violent.

Kritical remember, indoor hobbies and introverted hobbies are always shit. If we aren’t socialising or wishing we were, we suck.

Sorry I've not read the whole thread. If they eat properly, go out and blow off steam or play a sport, do homework, read for half an hour, help with two chores then spend all the rest of the time on the playstation I don't mind

Family of gamers here.

Gaming is fine when it's a part of your life and not the only thing. Any addiction is an issue and gaming addiction does exist and that can cause problems I dont deny that and I love gaming.

What many people, don't understand if they don't Game is that progress in a game means a strict time deadline means you may not be able to save your progress at a good point also if it's a multiplayer it can't be paused at all or certainly not easily.

Have only read the OPs posts as these threads always flush out the old ignorant arguments.

2 hours, weekends only on a shared Xbox. Seriously, what was the point in getting one OP? If they had one each, a bit of a jiggle with playtime and you would get total peace to do whatever for a few hours.

However it seems you’re of the mind that they’re toxic so maybe ship the machine off and stop tormenting them.

The issue is not how much time they spend on it. That's up to OP as their parent. Maybe she doesn't want them spending their entire weekend looking at a screen?

They may well be frustrated they don't get more than 2 hours each but for God's sake OP isnt wrong for not giving them more.

They’re kids. 2 hours or 4 hours or 12 hours - whatever the limit is, if it’s not chosen by them it will cause arguments when their time is up.

“Oh yes Mother, you’re right. I believe I have had quite enough gaming for one day.” Said no child ever.

I'm so glad I waited until DD was 11 to get any games console. She got a Nintendo Switch with 5 games this Christmas. She plays on it about twice a week, never for more than an hour at a time, by choice. We don't have any rules on how much she plays. She just has better things to do.

I think that you are right to be in charge of the time spent on this - especially at the ages they are.

You might explain your reasons to them (especially the way such an activity can leave some susceptible children unable to amuse themselves with other things :) ) and you might be open to negotiation on the subject as they grow up.

We cured the whining/arguing - by cutting time spent on the box for every minute we heard such things!

As with anything addictive, some people get addicted, some won't.

You wouldn't argue that because you can go out on the piss one night and leave it the rest of the week that alcoholism doesn't exist, or that the way to get over alcoholism is to drink as much as you want to get over the novelty of it

I played loads of computer games with my little brother growing up, but I don't remember fighting about whose turn it was (though maybe mum does). DH likes to game on his PC but because he stops to have a life with his wife and daughter I am quite happy for him to play whenever he wants.

It's the screaming and tantrumming when not on the xbox that makes it clear there is a problem. If they dont want to do anything else, or cannot bear to stop or to see someone else having it without craving it too, then that is pretty much the definition of addicted. Giving them more time to game is not likely to make it better.

IMO OP is right to restrict time, but there may be better ways to divide it up between the boys so they are not hovering over each other waiting for their turn. As PP said, get 2-player games so they can play together, or separate the playing times so they get their goes on different days. Take the Xbox away immediately if they fight about it.

If DC can play nicely and not be obsessive then unrestricted screen time is fine.

Me, DP and DS (almost 7) love to game, and we play all together (mostly various Assassin's Creeds and such). I love it, it's proper bonding time, loads of fun.

However, when DS plays certain games alone he can get incredibly frustrated and then he slams the controller around shouting and crying. After several warnings he had to use his Xmas money to buy himself his own controller so if he has a tantrum and slams it and it breaks, he's the one that's fucked, not me and DP. We also turn it off if it looks like he's getting too stressed or invested.

I get why you'd want to limit their screen time but I'd try to unclench a bit and maybe encourage them to play together / with you too, if you'd not hate that. My perspective is maybe a bit skewed because we don't have a working TV (as in, no channels, just option to game) so if gameage isn't happening then we're listening to music whilst doing other things; but I do think that concern about overt 'screen time' for kids is sometimes disproportionate to the potential for any real harm. You sound like a very lovely, interested and invested parent, not someone who would park them in front of the telly and ignore them all weekend. So I'd suggest you relax the time limit, so that they're not so stressed and tense about getting all they can from it in a very short time space, and maybe go shopping all together on Amazon or somewhere for some cheap multiplayers. Maybe if you don't make such a big thing about it then they won't either, and it will become just one more way of spending downtime rather than the ultimate activity. (Also, if they're given the chance to play a bit longer they might naturally get bored and want to do something else!)

TheStoic Exactly

The 'addiction' stuff is the same old puritan bullshit that was pushed about: books, television, music, video recorders, playing cards... sexual liberation, too. Some people are just profoundly suspicious of enjoyment of any kind (unless it involves elements of physical suffering, like getting wet, muddy, or hit in the face with a ball at regular intervals).

How many hours a day are some of you on Mumsnet, whining about your kids/partners having 'too much screentime'?

DS is nearly 5 and plays more than that a week! Mainly Lego games as he's massively into Lego at the moment. It's something him and his dad can do together, which is nice. We enforce regular breaks, and he asks for them himself now, and spends a lot of time playing with his actual Lego, practicing his writing (his idea, I don't push it) and doing other things.

Once the weather is better, he'll be outside all the time like last year.

I played games from a young age (for context our first computer was a ZX81), I was also a complete bookworm and loved cycling.

Sister of a gamer, married to a gamer, both of whom are excellent examples of how successful people can be whilst still gaming (both have firsts in undergraduate degrees, distinctions at MSc, both highly paid in computing). DB also won European WoW championships, and European Counter Strike championship. So gamers can achieve success.

Anyway, I have an 11yo and an 8yo, we have a house full of consoles and computers, but they are still pretty limited in how long they're allowed to play on them. There are so many other things they do/need to do- instruments, homework, art, reading. They spend a lot of time at school, so a balance in their leisure time has to be struck.
Children cannot usually impose self-absorbed on things, the way adults can (e.g. DH has put away Civilisation, he cannot begin to play it, or 15 hours have gone in the blink of an eye), so they need help to regulate themselves, so that by the time they're old enough to choose for themselves, they can self-regulate.

Draw up a timetable, try and get some 2 player games, and prepare to sanction any poor behaviour.

Rules in our house are- you must come off when told (but parents will always give a 5 min warning) otherwise you miss the next chance to play. No game talk at table (because DS can be incessantly jabbering about blah blah blah through the entire meal, and it's wearing and prevents other discussion). Homework first, before play (but now my 11yo is older, she is fine to play first as I know she'll do her HW no problem.)

Don't have one. Not getting one.

Meant to also say we don't have television feed, so they don't ever watch anything, so games are a good downtime for them. We play a lot of boardgames too, not just computer games. Games can be very social too- we have lots of party/group games , and my DB has made lifelong friends around the UK as a result of his gaming.

Children nowadays should be grateful actually- restricting to 2 hours now is fine, as you can save at any point. When we were young, the v worst thing was when your parent called you to supper, and you had to out the computer off... that was the whole game gone! You had to start again from the beginning.
Oh, the days of listening to the tape deck streaming your game over to the computer....

DTs are coming up on 10. Their Microsoft accounts are set up for activity during the day only between 7:30am-7:30pm. We haven't found it necessary to reduce screen time in between but it is possible. Go set up their accounts on Microsoft Live with their accounts set up as children.
We let them have quite a bit of screen time at weekends when we are home as it's a novelty for them. But as PP have said, homework, chores, music practice has to be done first.

This is a very timely thread for me.

I have just implemented more restrictions upon ds's xbox time. He is 11. Over recent weeks I have seen him become increasingly aggressive, agitated, moody etc. He seemed to gain no pleasure from activities he had previously enjoyed, such as playing guitar, interacting with his siblings, drawing. Nothing. His day seemed to revolve around counting the minutes until he could play his game.

The final straw came when I asked him to switch off (after a couple of hours playing). He turned to me red eyed and startled ranting and shouting wildly and aggressively. Completely out of control (almost out of his body!) I believe that ds does have an addictive personality type, and would really struggle to self regulate at this point in time.

I have explained to him that daily play is not working and he is now only allowed to play at the weekend. His reaction to this news told me everything. I have NEVER in my 13 years as a parent seen anything like it. Like and extreme and violent grief.

We will see how weekend only play pans out. As others have said - it isn't about the activity itself, but the extreme responses it provokes in my child.

4 hours a week out of 168 is a bit mean...

What games are they playing

Well in the end we had quite a good day. I was actually quite surprised at how quickly they calmed down after I posted. We were out at classes most of the day and, though they did ask me to get it out when we got back, they did take no for an answer.

We discussed new rules for it and have all agreed that Saturday mornings are a no. We have agreed that if they do chores, homework and any other stuff of their choice on a Saturday morning, they can then go on for a less limited time when we get in on a Saturday afternoon (3pm). I do think it would be easier if we had two as they don't like the same games but ds1 especially will watch ds2 gormlessly, bit when I mentioned that idea ds1 was concerned and said it was something we should 'work towards' and 'not rush into'. .

I want to ease up but also ensure other things are done. Fwiw, I adored reading as a child but think it would have been better had I had a qider variety of hobbies. I learnt a lot, yes, but I was painfully shy until well into my teens. I know ds2 has increased his friendship circle since gaming as a lot of his classmates are online and he now plays at school with a much wider group than he did before.

I just want to get the balance right. anyway, have signed ds1 up for some halfterm activities at the leisure centre and will see how we get on. I find this stuff so hard so it's been so helpful to read all these differing opinions. My laptop