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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish I had never bought the fucking xbox

283 replies

theduchessstill · 03/02/2018 08:56

I have unplugged the xbox and put it away after another morning of screaming and arguing over it. Ds2 is sobbing in my bed, DS1 is stomping about yelling he hates me and slamming doors and it's totally out of control and I don't know what to do.

They are allowed 2 hours each on the weekend days and get up at the crack of dawn to get on it. They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc.

After several warnings about the whining and arguing resulting in a total ban I have followed through and taken it away, so WW3 has erupted. I know I should have followed through sooner but I am constantly being told by ds1 that I have ruined his life by divorcing and that 'normal' people have far more time on their Xboxes than he does and I do kind of think it's rough on them that they don't have one at their dad's, so that's why I've been reluctant to put it away - it was a Christmas present.

So fed up of looking forward to my weekends with them just for them to erupt in a shitstorm of crying and yelling. I even bought a second telly so they could do different things at different times, but ds2, wh has always loved watching The Voice with me declared it boring this morning and went off to clock-watch. WTF do I do?

OP posts:
willsa · 04/02/2018 00:47

The 'addiction' stuff is the same old puritan bullshit
Umm..Really?

Gaming addiction is to be listed as a mental health condition for the first time by the World Health Organisation.

Its 11th International Classification of Diseases (ICD) will include the condition "gaming disorder".

The draft document describes it as a pattern of persistent or recurrent gaming behaviour so severe that it takes "precedence over other life interests".

Some countries had already identified it as a major public health issue.

Many, including the UK, have private addiction clinics to "treat" the condition.

willsa · 04/02/2018 00:58

...and my twin brother did suffer from gaming addiction. His early- to late teens were a total hell in our household. My mum unplugged his computer and he punched his fist through a glass in the door.. When we tried to limit his time to allow at least for the homework to be done, he would run away,somewhere...to his mates, to internet cafes. Sometimes I wouldn't see him all night until he would turn up at school in the morning red eyed, blue-pale and would be nodding off in lessons.
We suspected drugs, alcohol but gaming was the thing. "Just gaming".
Mum was ready to put him in an addiction clinic.

He's now a director of a multinational manufacturing company and his keyboard skills from gaming are ace...HOWEVER, it was hell.

I just mean - the addiction thing IS real.

OutyMcOutface · 04/02/2018 03:22

@CatsPaws No I don't and yet I have only ever known four families to have gaming consoles (all in my adolescence so about six years or so ago). One WII and three PlayStations. The wii was a present from an absentee father and little used. The PlayStations were one to a family where the parents only commicated with the children by giving them orders or shouting at them (not an exaggeration). The other two were normal families and had at least one 'gamer', both teenagers (not eight year olds) who only played naice games like Journey. These households only got the PlayStations when the children were teens. It's not normal for eight year olds to play on x boxes, console ownership in general is very unusual. I haven't met anyone with a console in the last five years. It's just not a normal thing to do, especially around young children.

PoorYorick · 04/02/2018 08:55

I know what gamers mean by the fact that the games are mentally stimulating etc and in ideal cases they're right. But in many cases, games ARE addictive and not in the way a gripping book is. People who love reading are rarely unable to do anything else without itching and counting down to the next reading session. They don't become obnoxious if they have to do something else for a while. And while gaming does put you in contact with others, it's not real life interaction and I've known a number of people who say it affected their ability to have an ordinary face to face conversation. I've never heard a woman complain that reading is taking her husband away from family time or making him late for work.

I'm not saying games are evil or people shouldn't play or can't be healthy gamers. A good game is a work of art, creative brilliance. Damn I lovrd Arkham Asylum. But they are really not the same as reading, crafting or sports and they need to be handled differently.

Scabbersley · 04/02/2018 09:19

It's not normal for eight year olds to play on x boxes, console ownership in general is very unusual. I haven't met anyone with a console in the last five years. It's just not a normal thing to do, especially around young children

Nintendo is the best console for young kids games.

What games are they playing and how old are they? Did we ever establish that?

ButteredScone · 04/02/2018 09:30

2hrs a day is plenty. 14 hours a week! I completely agree with you. That’s fine.

PhilODox · 04/02/2018 10:21

Yorick- I know people addicted to reading that way!
Some people just have addictive-type personalities, and need support and guidance to overcome it/regulate their own behaviour.

grannytomine · 04/02/2018 11:10

It's not normal for eight year olds to play on x boxes, console ownership in general is very unusual. I haven't met anyone with a console in the last five years. It's just not a normal thing to do, especially around young children

Really, my 9 year old GS has had his xbox for over a year, he does lots of other stuff but loves his xbox. His friends all have them and on a Sunday afternoon all "meet up" on line to play football tournaments. I know all the boys and it is hilarious to listen to them sometimes. So it isn't unusual round here.

gamerchick · 04/02/2018 11:31

No not unusual here either. I think I know of only one person who lives alone that doesn’t have some sort of machine to play games on.

People who think it’s not normal obviously can’t expand their brains outside of their own magnolia and grey walls bubble. Normal for you maybe.

BackBoiler · 04/02/2018 11:38

I dont limit screen time of any kind, my two boys have a ps3 each to save arguments (second hand). They are 6 and 10. They use it when they have nothing else to do and rarely get any problems with them on it.

If i say would you like to bake/go to the park/come and have dinner/homework etc they just say ok, save their game and turn it off!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 04/02/2018 11:39

I hear you . I didn’t want to get one

It’s like crack cocaine Grin

Ugh . The technology dawn

TheCatsPaws · 04/02/2018 11:46

It’s not unusual here. Everyone has one. I’m confused where that poster lives where hardly anyone games.

beboldbebluntbehonest · 04/02/2018 12:07

That's a pretty expensive toy that they can only play with for two hours a week.
Totally pointless and I think you shouldn't have bothered buying it in the first place!
No wonder the kids are frustrated!

Fireandflames666 · 04/02/2018 12:18

Poor kids, let them unwind a little. I used to play computer games most of the day at weekends after homework and family time. Gaming is a fun way of learning and letting off steam, no wonder they aren't happy.

YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan · 04/02/2018 12:54

You could try a kitchen timer.

I had similar arguments when my boys were younger and sharing an xbox. We agreed they were allowed one hour slots at a time and the timer had to be set at the start of play. When the timer bell rang, they were allowed a couple more minutes to save the game and then had to come off. That worked for us.

FingersCrossedHard · 04/02/2018 13:29

Mine are 10 and 7 and are allowed four hours a day of 'electronics' on the weekend. This could be iPad/laptop/Xbox/ds...but more often turns out to be Xbox.

It sounds a lot but in reality doesn't feel like much. Take today...they were up at 7am and on it for 2.5 hours until 9.30am.

They've been to play football with dh and are having another hour on it 12.30-1.30. They'll then do other stuff all day, including their chores and will probably use their final half hour after dinner.

For the poster who said it's not normal for kids to have consoles, I assume you don't have boys (I know girls play too but in my dc's classes it seems to be boys in the vast majority). I can count at least 20 of the dc's combined friends who regularly play on the Xbox - and I know this as fact as they have headsets so all talk to each other as they play.

BWatchWatcher · 04/02/2018 16:23

I don't understand why they can't share an xbox that is only being played 4 hours a week by each of them in total?

BWatchWatcher · 04/02/2018 16:25

For those of you who mutter darkly about the dangers of gaming, there was a time when reading novels was tutted at and people thought going over 60 miles an hour would blow your brains out.
Times change.

OnionKnight · 04/02/2018 16:27

It's not normal for eight year olds to play on x boxes, console ownership in general is very unusual. I haven't met anyone with a console in the last five years. It's just not a normal thing to do, especially around young children

Do you live on an island by yourself?

Why isn't owning a console a normal thing to do? Over the years hundreds of millions of consoles have been sold so you're deluded if you think it's not normal.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 04/02/2018 16:30

It's not normal for eight year olds to play on x boxes, console ownership in general is very unusual. I haven't met anyone with a console in the last five years. It's just not a normal thing to do, especially around young children

I think it's VERY unusual for an 8 year old in the UK to have no access to any gaming console. 8.2 million households in the UK own a gaming console according to Google.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 04/02/2018 16:34

This is from 2009 but claims 80% of households own a console

www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/video-games/4248136/Video-games-eight-out-of-ten-homes-own-a-next-gen-games-console.html

YetAnotherNC2017 · 04/02/2018 18:17

We are a gaming household so 2 hours does seem a bit on the harsh side. Couldn’t you compromise and allow them an extra half an hour at the end of the day for good behaviour?

My DC are older - 11, 12 & 14. I don’t need to limit their screen time - they don’t tend to argue because if they do, they’d get a ban. So it’s not worth the hassle.

Weve spent most of today out on a walk, playing with slime, DD made everyone breakfast, and were playing a board game later. Homework is completed and they’ve all been in the bath. So I have no idea how much time they’ve spent gaming but they’ve got a lot of other stuff done so I’m not bothered.

OTOH I’ve spent 4 hours gaming today...

LoveBeingAMum555 · 04/02/2018 18:28

If it helps at all my boys are 17 and 19 and both went through phases of wanting to be on the Xbox constantly. It didn't last long, meeting up with friends and girlfriends becomes more interesting after a while. I was fairly laid back about it on the basis that I didn't want to make a battle out of it and possibly make it seen even more exciting than it already was.

Ellyess · 04/02/2018 19:00

You are doing really well! Don't fall for the emotional blackmail about divorcing, there are so many one-parent families now, his argument is quite funny! I would give them a list of things to choose to do when not on the xbox, and if they don't get on with one of these without whining etc their time on xbox is forfeit. The list would include their daily chore, which I believe every child should have, such as tidy the hall, put away the clothes, empty the dishwasher (age-appropriate jobs), and pass-times such as doing something creative (drawing, sticking, painting), reading, playing in the garden, imaginative game - make up a game with toys, dressing up or writing a comic. I wouldn't try to amuse them. This gives them too much opportunity to play up. Tell them to choose what they are going to do and get on with it or they won't see the xbox. No discussion! Oh - I would never try to reason with a child who is throwing a tantrum or has flung himself on your bed. Just tell him you expect him to be busy in five minutes with something from the list (have it written out and on the wall). Just as you have done, carry out your sanction if they don't stick to the rules. Explain the rules before they get to use the xbox. I really do think you are on the right track. It's good to have an xbox. It does give them skills. It's also a good way to motivate them to do what you say in that they have to earn their time on the xbox by behaving sensibly! Obviously at weekends you'll be going out together I expect, maybe swimming or to see things or to get into the countryside, so they won't be at home all the time anyway. Good luck!

Lovelyusername · 04/02/2018 19:14

You could get a Nintendo switch, then they can play at the same time, tho ££££ to switch systems.