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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I had never bought the fucking xbox

283 replies

theduchessstill · 03/02/2018 08:56

I have unplugged the xbox and put it away after another morning of screaming and arguing over it. Ds2 is sobbing in my bed, DS1 is stomping about yelling he hates me and slamming doors and it's totally out of control and I don't know what to do.

They are allowed 2 hours each on the weekend days and get up at the crack of dawn to get on it. They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc.

After several warnings about the whining and arguing resulting in a total ban I have followed through and taken it away, so WW3 has erupted. I know I should have followed through sooner but I am constantly being told by ds1 that I have ruined his life by divorcing and that 'normal' people have far more time on their Xboxes than he does and I do kind of think it's rough on them that they don't have one at their dad's, so that's why I've been reluctant to put it away - it was a Christmas present.

So fed up of looking forward to my weekends with them just for them to erupt in a shitstorm of crying and yelling. I even bought a second telly so they could do different things at different times, but ds2, wh has always loved watching The Voice with me declared it boring this morning and went off to clock-watch. WTF do I do?

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 03/02/2018 11:39

Are there two controllers? Two player games can be a lot more fun than single player, it encourages cooperation and there is shared satisfaction in winning.

DreamyMcDreamy · 03/02/2018 11:40

What a silly thing to say! Someone in the middle of a game is concentrating super hard and is really involved. Of course then don’t want to break concentration and talk to you.

It's not a silly thing to say at all,I take it you do the exact same thing to come up with such a silly response?! Grin
Is it so hard to manage a yes or a no in response to a question or statement instead of a caveman like "uhhh" ?

BWatchWatcher · 03/02/2018 11:41

2 hours is a bit low considering you don't let them touch it during the week.
What games are they playing?
Minecraft and kinnect games where they have to move work well.
I feel your pain.

mummmy2017 · 03/02/2018 11:43

Change the time they are allowed to use it.

Tell one son he can have it after 5 on a friday night,
Tell the other he can have it after 5 on a Saturday night.

If all chores are done during the week, and there is no fighting they can earn extra time week nights...

This way it's won't be clock watching for the DS1 who seems to not enjoy sharing.

By making it not a daytime thing, you will find they can't get up early to put it on, so will have to do stuff instead.

DreamyMcDreamy · 03/02/2018 11:44

Someone in the middle of a game is concentrating super hard and is really involved. Of course then don’t want to break concentration and talk to you.

Sorry, pressed too soon.Therein lies the problem, it is so fucking addictive and "involving" (your words) it renders people incapable of speech or interacting normally. Creating awful behaviour when they do emerge back into reality after being on it for hours.
It is not the same as baking a cake or reading for example (two activities mentioned in the thread already.) It immerses you and nothing else penetrates.

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 11:45

I “grunt” when I’m reading a book or watching a film, shall we stop kids doing those toon

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 11:45

Too?

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 11:46

How dare people concentrate on something they enjoy!

Partypopper123 · 03/02/2018 11:49

Normal" people don't have xboxes. Well done OP. Stick to your guns. You children will thank you for it when they are older.
😂 Not in my experience they won't! All my DS friends have playstations etc. Teens will be left out of their social circle If they cant participate, it's a social thing playing in a 'party' together.
I think 8 is a little young tbh. I would suggest not allow by it 1st thing in the morning and relaxing the 2 hr rule a bit.

Tinkerbec · 03/02/2018 11:52

I hate being disturbed when I am trying to concentrate on marking school work or read a mumsnet thread or even rushing to the toilet or even when on a phone call.
I don’t think it’s mutually exclusive to consoles.Confused

missmapp · 03/02/2018 11:53

We limit to a similar time but only after tea, so it isn't a focus the whole day. We are busy with other things in the day anyway but on a fri, sat and Sun night they can play on tablets, phone or x box. It is probably no more than 2 hours but I don't actually specify a time . Aslong as homework and guitar practice is done they can play from after tea til bedtime. We have always done this so they don't moan too much. I think spreading the two hours over the day is making things worsr

Stilllivinginazoo · 03/02/2018 11:53

My D's was given an old Xbox 360.
He eats sleeps and breathes it if left own devices.hes 12...
He won't even bother come for food and gets up in night to play if I don't take away controllers
He has ban in week now and allowed all pm sat or sun OR couple hours each day(usually picks couple hours both days)(around 4hours in total)
H
For those that think it's too harsh he abandons all other interests for it and If I had my time over I'd never have let bastard thing over threshold.when the red ring of death comes not soon enough he won't be getting another...

ItWentInMyEye · 03/02/2018 11:53

My oldest DS (10) and my DD (7) are like this, so it isn't just boys. I've banned them from playing on it at the same, but my eldest will sit whining asking when it's his turn again etc while DD plays. I don't think it's fair and spoils her turn so I have to make him go and play/read/play his instruments elsewhere. I don't let them on it every day, despite them asking, and they have about an hour each on the weekend mornings but broken up into half hour bits.

Perfectly1mperfect · 03/02/2018 11:53

Two hours isn't a lot at the weekend. As they get older they will want to be on it most of the day probably as that is what most kids do. Sorry, probably not what you would want to hear.

I would buy another so that they don't have to share to save arguments. Make them both save up and then put some money towards it myself.
I would also not allow it before say 10am so they are not getting up early to go on it.

My kids are 14 and 8. As long as homework is under control and they have regular breaks we don't make an issue of it. Like anything if you tell kids they can't have something or restrict it too much then they just want it more.

DoinItForTheKids · 03/02/2018 11:53

What about if you say I've been listening to them very carefully when they say they want to have more Xbox time and have been thinking about it. Say that so long as you three can do things together during your weekends (which is really important to you because you really love them and want to do things with them) you would actually really like to give you more Xbox time at weekends. The problem is, you're behaving like such idiots and behaving so addicted and slamming doors and whining and clock watching and badgering and stropping, that you can't actually give them that extra time! How crazy is that?! Ball's in their court - behaviour = more time. BUT the rules of that continuing are, when that set time to come off arrives, they behave like normal people, with a certain level of maturity, and there are no arguments with you or between themselves about coming off. In fact, they should just do it without even needing to be asked or badgered. The extra time offer also comes with a massive consequence if there IS arguing - ie the Xbox will be put away for an entire weekend every time there's any argy bargy. So long as they behave properly, they will get plenty of extra time as a regular thing.

NordicNobody · 03/02/2018 11:57

If they get 2 hours each every weekend day, and are watching each other play when it's not their turn, then that's 4 hours a a day watching the X box. Obviously in in the minority in this opinion, but I think that's more than enough. But in fairness I'm not a gamer, and never have been. I think if they were being responsible about it and not throwing big tantrums then maybe you could give them more time, but I agree with pp that it sounds like 2 hours or 10 will still never be enough time for them. And it doesn't solve your main problem of the whinging and clock watching in between turns. My niece and nephew are a bit younger - 6 and 8. They don't have consoles but get 1 hour a day on their iPads and have to do half an hours homework first to "earn" it. After an hour the iPad altonatically locks again. There's a bit of stropping if they're in the middle of something but on the whole the system seems to work. If the Xbox has parental controls then maybe you could experiment with something similar?

KriticalSoul · 03/02/2018 12:03

in my house they get a day each, and take it in turns, on their 'off' day they can a) watch their sibling or b)find something else to do.

If they're playing a 2 player game they can both play but once the child who's 'day' it is decides they're done, the other one has to go back to doing something else.

I don't restrict their time on it, but then i'm a gamer and I spend most of my day playing on my laptop and tablet, and once they're in bed, get my turn on the console.

Its a little different for us as DS is 11 and autistic, we tried switching things around but he couldn't cope with only getting a set time, so its easier he knows which 'day' is his for the consoles.

I've been gaming all my life, if i'm not gaming i'm reading or doing artwork, I spend as long as I like doing them.. I don't get this thing about restricting kids to such a short amount of time on something they enjoy doing.

2hrs which isn't even a whole two hours, but broken up, is not long enough to get anything done on any game, at all.

Perhaps it might be better to give them an unbroken time slot? 7-9 and 9-11 then switch them the following day?

I would also suggest using 10 minute blocks as punishment/reward, so any tantrums or refusals to come off will lose them 10 minutes of time the next occasion its their turn.

LannieDuck · 03/02/2018 12:04

I think it's important for kids to have time to relax and do things that they want to do at the weekend. If they're enjoying a game, then so be it. But it's also important to have family time.

I would split it into days - no xbox at all on Saturdays, and that's when you do all the classes / family time etc. Then they get to have Sundays to themselves, and if that means they want to do xbox all day, so be it. Obv they have to share the time though.

worridmum · 03/02/2018 12:07

I bet people on here would not dream of restricting reading a book for 4 hours a week. Why is gaming different to reading or watching tv ....

grannytomine · 03/02/2018 12:08

4,6,8,10 hours spent doing anything with kids getting up and rushing straight to it and the parents would be right in questioning if this was a healthy ‘hobby’ I was like that with reading, always had a book with me, always reading. Here I am in my 60s and I'm still the same, take a book out in the car with me and if DH stop for something I will read, sitting at school for 5 minutes before GC comes out and I read, on holiday on the beach I am reading, in bed at night at least an hour reading, people ask me about TV programmes but I rarely watch TV unless GC are here. No one has ever suggested it is a problem.

ChuffMuffin · 03/02/2018 12:09

Why don't you try giving the boys set times on the calendar IF their chores/homework is done, and then swapping them for the next week? Eg:

Sat: DS1 - 10 am - 12pm, DS2 - 12pm - 2pm

Sun: DS2 - 10am - 12pm, DS1 - 12pm - 2pm

Then the next Saturday DS2 goes first, DS1 second etc.

LEMtheoriginal · 03/02/2018 12:14

Bit mean to be honest so long as homework all done. Any little jobs that need doing.

Too long on screens isn't good for you but I let my dd have pretty much unlimited time and just try my best to take her out at the weekends to get fresh air Etc.

Yes encourage time away but what else do you expect them to do? They days when we buggered off at 9 o clock in morning and came back when it got dark are long gone Sad

DreamyMcDreamy · 03/02/2018 12:15

I bet people on here would not dream of restricting reading a book for 4 hours a week. Why is gaming different to reading or watching tv ....

It's different. It's not as immersing. People can come out of reading a book and be perfectly fine. Hours of gaming though? It honestly seems to change personality. You wouldn't believe the change in behaviour with a week off screens.

KriticalSoul · 03/02/2018 12:18

"It's different. It's not as immersing. People can come out of reading a book and be perfectly fine"

You've obviously never been an obsessive reader. If I have a book I am usually that engrossed I completely zone everyone and everything out. I am also 100% more likely to lose sleep because its easier to find a stop point in a game, than an addictive book.

worridmum · 03/02/2018 12:18

All the op is going to do is cause massive binges when they are older all the children that i grew up that were never allowed pudding chocolate crisps fizzu drinks and cake only for birthdays all binged on said food when they turned 18...... the forbidden or heavily restricted things become the most desired things and when they are able too they will binge out on them

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