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Original poster

To wish I had never bought the fucking xbox

283 replies

theduchessstill · 03/02/2018 08:56

I have unplugged the xbox and put it away after another morning of screaming and arguing over it. Ds2 is sobbing in my bed, DS1 is stomping about yelling he hates me and slamming doors and it's totally out of control and I don't know what to do.

They are allowed 2 hours each on the weekend days and get up at the crack of dawn to get on it. They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc.

After several warnings about the whining and arguing resulting in a total ban I have followed through and taken it away, so WW3 has erupted. I know I should have followed through sooner but I am constantly being told by ds1 that I have ruined his life by divorcing and that 'normal' people have far more time on their Xboxes than he does and I do kind of think it's rough on them that they don't have one at their dad's, so that's why I've been reluctant to put it away - it was a Christmas present.

So fed up of looking forward to my weekends with them just for them to erupt in a shitstorm of crying and yelling. I even bought a second telly so they could do different things at different times, but ds2, wh has always loved watching The Voice with me declared it boring this morning and went off to clock-watch. WTF do I do?

OP posts:
CalcatrippticLego · 03/02/2018 09:44

Mine are 8 & 5. They are only allowed on it at weekends generally only after they have done an outdoor activity, or if we have to go somewhere as a bribe for good behaviour.
Arguing, fighting, etc over shows me they're too young to play it and it gets turned off for the rest of the day. They can earn back evening tv time if they're nice to each other for the rest of the day.
If they're deliberately getting up early to play it then set a time that it can be turned on.

saladdays66 · 03/02/2018 09:44

they are increasingly unwilling to do anything else and mope around when not on it.

That shows your ds is addicted to it. And for that reason I'd get rid. Gaming is NOT the same as reading a book or playing a board game.

Have a read of some of these - www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-parents-gamers-open-forum/parent-teen-xbox-addiction

www.psychguides.com/guides/video-game-addiction-symptoms-causes-and-effects/

DreamyMcDreamy · 03/02/2018 09:48

Have you read how these children behaved when the pre agreed time (2 hours PER DAY (not over the entire weekend) was up.A shit storm of tantrums, crying, slammed doors.That just unacceptable and is concerning that something could cause that kind of behaviour

This. OP, I hear you. The Xbox is absolute hell, ignore those saying "oh just let them go on it a lot more."
It doesn't matter how much you let them on it, when it's time to come off, the tantrums and the bad attitude start.
I could have written your post. My two are currently banned today, they're having a day off for being full of mouth/attitude yesterday when it was time to come off.
Nothing wrong with limiting usage, I find they're much nicer and calmer and much more pleasant to be around when they haven't been on screens for a while.
I honestly think it does something to your mood.

claraschu · 03/02/2018 09:48

There are lots of people saying that it is fine have almost unlimited time gaming for 8 and 10 year olds. Lots of people saying they gamed all the time and did well on their exams, etc.

It's not about exams. I think when kids this young spend a lot of time on games/ computers/ TV they don't read a lot for fun; they don't spend lots of unstructured time outside; they don't usually learn to play an instrument very well; etc.

Games and computers are incredibly addictive and they make other activities which provide less immediate fun unattractive by comparison.

TheEagle · 03/02/2018 09:49

I think OP was concerned about their access to screens during the time they aren’t with her so that’s why the restriction during the week? Open to correction.

Yes it’s winter (although Spring now in Ireland!) but we still try to get outdoors as much as possible. Waterproof padded trousers, coats, hats, gloves. There’s no doubt but that my children behave better, eat better and sleep better after a day where they’ve been outside rather than a day indoors in front of the TV.

Findingdotty · 03/02/2018 09:49

I have had this with my two DS. Also began to wish I'd never bought it for them. My advice - stay consistent, apply exactly the same boundaries day in day out and if they break them, as they have, then follow through on the punishment. They do get to the point where they know you mean it and won't have the trantrums as they know what the consquence will be. Worst thing you can do is let them win. Just let them rage it out for the morning.

Findingdotty · 03/02/2018 09:51

As an example my DS ended up with a whole month ban. I carried it out to the day. He is now fine with it. I literally just asked him to save his game and come off. He smiled and said yes mum. This would have been unheard of at the beginning but he has learnt that I mean what I say.

PoorYorick · 03/02/2018 09:52

Gaming is addictive. Genuinely, literally addictive.

BeesAndChiscuits · 03/02/2018 09:55

We don’t have one. Because I can easily see your situation as ours if we did. Some kids can take it or leave it. Some get obsessed. The games are designed to keep you playing, keep you mentally stimulated. The kids can get gaming devices when they leave home. Nowt wrong with fresh air or reading a book.

Findingdotty · 03/02/2018 09:55

Also OP, there is an option to set limits on the xbox itself. We have ours set to 1 hour a day for weekdays for each DS (they have a login in each and it's set to the login) and 2 hours at the weekend. This is also set between certain hours so 6am to 6pm for example so they can't login outside these hours. It has made it a lot easier for us in the morning. Especially dealing with them getting up very early to go on the xbox.

CollyWombles · 03/02/2018 09:56

I have a 9 and 8 this month year old OP, two boys.

Last October, I was a cunt as @OnionKnight says and sold the Xbox one after the same problems you are having. I wasn't happy with the stress it was causing, it was making my family miserable. Like your boys, mine became whiny, argumentative and unable to do anything else but play the Xbox or wait miserably to get on it again.

This was despite the fact I am a gamer and loved the Xbox myself.

Fast forward to middle of January and I bought a new one. We all missed it really. Now my boys play much better on it and do well at taking turns. In hindsight, just taking it away and hiding it in a cupboard for a few weeks would have had the same effect.

Honestly, it seems extreme but it worked. I don't limit time on it, but I also have two girls and my DH also enjoys playing it so between the six of us, the time is broken up anyways.

WhirlwindHugs · 03/02/2018 09:57

I think two hours is fine, but agree it may be better if they are not split into chunks.

Do you have two controllers? We encourage 2 player games over single player ones, and the xbox gets turned off at 10am. If they fight it's turned off straight away and possibly a ban for a week or two depending on what happened (throwing controllers is an automatic ban!)

We found clear consistent rules help cut down on whining.

.i would have a break from it for a while then maybe reintroduce with a clean slate (and 2 player games!)

rocketgirl22 · 03/02/2018 10:00

I think the gaming needs to be the last thing they do during the day, this will time will be made longer if their behaviour is kind and caring towards each other and you ( for kindness - 3 hours something like this)

You can take them out, play sports, have fun and show them that life is good beyond the xbox.

Set the timer so they have some warning and then hopefully it will be easier to manage

HeebieJeebies456 · 03/02/2018 10:04

They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc

I think you're handling this perfectly fine - and given their ages the 2 hours each is acceptable.
We already know how addictive gaming can become.
The fact that DS2 ( only 8 yrs old) 'can't' focus on anything else in the 'inbetween' time says it all - he doesn't need more gaming time right now, or at least until he learns to manage this.

LinoleumBlownapart · 03/02/2018 10:07

I've been there, my 14 year old has a play station that he occasionally plays but he lets his two little brothers use it more, they are 8 and 5, they fight and squabble all the time. I agree that games are good for skills but 2 hours is plenty. After the up teeth time of "you have to pop me, pop me, just pop me waaaaaahhhhh are you not pooppping me" from the 5 year old, the play station went away, it was14 year old DS they had had enough. But I will say when you take an activity be ready with another one, possibly one that involves you, they're currently watching star wars now with him.
So you cut off any freak outs at the get go, by giving another activity straight away.
It's raining drops of rain the size of tennis balls and we live in the back arse of nowhere, it would be great to have all plugged into something, but in my experience with DS 14 gaming for hours doesn't pay off, it makes kids grouchy and aggressive. When he was 10 we had to have big heart to heart talks and he started controlling his own time on the games. I wouldn't let him read or binge watch netflix for hours either, we all do it sometimes which is ok. Ironically reading for hours back when my grandmother was little was considered lazy, they said kids who did this were usually either over weight, badly socialised, sick looking or all three. Everything in moderation, even things that are good can be bad if you do them too much. It's good to teach this when they're young, so when they grow up they can moderate themselves, even if, like everyone, they slip up sometimes, it doesn't get out of hand.

iatethepies · 03/02/2018 10:07

We've had this but with tablets. Dc would whinge and moan to have them and not do anything else and mope around when the time is up. I took them away nearly 2 weeks ago because of the tantrums.

OnTheRise · 03/02/2018 10:08

My children used to spend all their free time playing on their console. So long as they're doing everything else they're meant to do, what's wrong with them having more time?

If they argue then yes, take it away. But if you let them have more time with it, the arguments might disappear.

Afreshcuppateaplease · 03/02/2018 10:09

My eldest two are boys aged 10 and 8.

They now each have their own console in their room but did used to share. There were arguments. Lots of arguments. But not really now.

We dont generally have a time limit.

They need to do all the important stuff before they go on so reading/homework, bedroom tidy and washing away. At weekend they also need to change bedding and hoover their bedrooms.

Through the week they probably have an hour or so a day. At weekends it can be one hour or much more depending on what we are doing.

They dont watch much tv.

Loss of screen time is the consequence for any misbehaving.

TeenTimesTwo · 03/02/2018 10:10

When mine were younger we always had a rule of no electronics before lunch and that after lunch only if they had done something physical/fresh air and/or more creative first.

It stopped the asking for TV at 9am, and made them do a variety of things. I think doing anything to the exclusion of everything else is bad, whether that is gaming, or football or reading.

HazelBite · 03/02/2018 10:13

Right I have 4 sons who are all now in their 30's.I have had to put up with game systems since the oldest was about 8, I never used to limit time as I was often glad of the peace.
What is probably frustrating the OP's boys at the moment is that they are progressing in a game and then have to stop for their siblings turn on the X box..
My Dc's saved up their pocket money/birthday money etc so they could all have their own games system . It worked well and they would often swap and use each others.
In the long run OP i don't think using a games system damages them in any way, just make sure they get time outside, doing sport etc, If you let them "drown" in it initially the novelty will wear off somewhat but if they know its there for them to play anytime they want it won't seem to be so very special and they will do other things.
I did insist that homework was done before anything else, gaming , football, out with mates etc.
My two youngest still "game" but only when they have nothing better to do.

BakedBeans47 · 03/02/2018 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BakedBeans47 · 03/02/2018 10:13

Wrong thread soz

Believeitornot · 03/02/2018 10:16

When mine were younger we always had a rule of no electronics before lunch and that after lunch only if they had done something physical/fresh air and/or more creative first

I like this idea. My dcs are always much better behaved during TV bans (which I’ve instigated for as long as a month before).

Screens are addictive and make your ability to concentrate decrease. That is not good!

SkyIsTooHigh · 03/02/2018 10:17

Do they spend much time at their dad's at the weekend? I wonder if that's some of the tension. Why not move their game time to a time when they are always with you and there's no impact of the divorce? You could also do DS1 has Tuesdays, DS2 Wednesdays so there's less tension of "my turn now".

I totally get the WW3 dynamic. We limit DS's tablet time as a way to keep him from blowing up over it (he is autistic) but it's a carefully constructed system where when he has tablet time we don't disturb him or hassle him, just give him a time reminder 5 mins before the end. We give him extra time sometimes and let him trade his tablet time onto other days - he knows we know it's important to him and we will always make sure he gets it somehow. It is very different to how I thought we'd run screentime but we are all calmer.