To wish I had never bought the fucking xbox

[theduchessstill]

I have unplugged the xbox and put it away after another morning of screaming and arguing over it. Ds2 is sobbing in my bed, DS1 is stomping about yelling he hates me and slamming doors and it's totally out of control and I don't know what to do.

They are allowed 2 hours each on the weekend days and get up at the crack of dawn to get on it. They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc.

After several warnings about the whining and arguing resulting in a total ban I have followed through and taken it away, so WW3 has erupted. I know I should have followed through sooner but I am constantly being told by ds1 that I have ruined his life by divorcing and that 'normal' people have far more time on their Xboxes than he does and I do kind of think it's rough on them that they don't have one at their dad's, so that's why I've been reluctant to put it away - it was a Christmas present.

So fed up of looking forward to my weekends with them just for them to erupt in a shitstorm of crying and yelling. I even bought a second telly so they could do different things at different times, but ds2, wh has always loved watching The Voice with me declared it boring this morning and went off to clock-watch. WTF do I do?

then declare they're only allowed to use it for a measly two hours a week? A bit tight that,no wonder the they're so miffed! At least let them have the whole afternoon/ evening on it at the weekends

They'd tantrum and whine even if they got longer on it, I'd guarantee it.
I usually say a couple of hours max as well for my two, because if you leave them on for any longer you can see a definite change in mood.
They'll whinge/argue/talk like crap to each other if they play together with two consoles, if they're on a console each playing separately they can be touchy and grumpy when it's time to come off even if they were on all afternoon.
It's good to limit screen time, things are a lot calmer/peaceful when they've been off them for a few days.
Try speaking to someone in the middle of a game - you're likely to get grunts instead of a response as well. It's horrible.

I expected them to play together if both were around. We have 1 tv for Xbox, tv watching, wii , dvds etc. It is in the middle of the house and needs to be shared so eg I am around we have to find a joint pursuit .
Both my sons had an xbox phase but it is rarely out now.

My son can be stuck at the Xbox the whole weekend if allowed, 4, 10, 15 hoursa day is not enough... they don’t tire of it.

It doesn’t mean however that having similar times in the Xbox is ok, even if everybody does it. Have you got rid of the thing for a couple of weeks ? (Yeah, I might be a cunt) it is unbelievable how their real personality emerges once they are a bit weaned from the constant quick feedback and game induced stress and agressivity. Even the way they talk and relate to their friend and family changes.

Give the damn thing back for an hour and the addiction kicks back in. It is just like handing a bottle to an alcoholic person.

everyone likes games, they give a totally false sense of achievement, they are utterly addictive . I loved games in my twenties. What a complete waste of the best and potentially most productive part of my life. You will never be as mentally sharp, as physically able or as full of life as you are now. Don’t waste it. Leave gaming for your nursing home bed. Deffinately don’t criticise those who are trying to guide their kids down a better path and are parenting their children.

it is unbelievable how their real personality emerges once they are a bit weaned from the constant quick feedback and game induced stress and agressivity. Even the way they talk and relate to their friend and family changes.

Absolutely this.It's like they have a personality change when they're on it/coming off it.
Few days off, they're like a new (lovely) person.

bunny

No, everybody doesn’t like games. Why are you so bitter? Honestly I don’t think I’ve read anything quite so pathetic.

Mine got tablets for Christmas. The weeks that followed were horrendous in terms of behaviour-so bad that they were confiscated this week and they've been perfect. I don't know what the answer is I'm hoping we can find a happy medium!

Okay, you have to re-establish control. That matters much more than the actual number of hours they're spending on the thing. So you need to work out a plan for the weekend which involves them having reasonable access to the XBox but also enough other stuff that it doesn't take over. Some of that should be active and/or outside. Some of it probably needs to be homework and/or housework. Why not work it out so that they can be on the XBox while you are (a) doing whatever chores you need to and (b) enjoying a bit of me-time having a lie-in or a bath or whatever you like to do?

And then you need to be absolutely clear, no XBox outside that time. If you can set up time controls on the machine itself, that's by far the easiest way to enforce it. But also plan other stuff so that when that time finishes, that's when you all have to go out for something, or eat lunch, or whatever. Ideally something they like doing.

Games are designed to be addictive. Screen time really does affect mood. It's never easy to stop and walk away from it, but you absolutely have to set limits and enforce them.

I agreed the rules are causing the issues... Is it new?
We had new xbox last Xmas.. And yes it was played on loads to begin with, no rules at all.. It's calmed down as soon as weather got better and there was more to do outside.. They are also into other stuff like reading... If it's new I would alter the time and use xbox to do timing on it.

Let it sort it self out naturally.

SkyIsTooHigh

Yes I agree if she had absolute tantrums then maybe I would reassess.

I also have two step children and neither have behaved like this. I think there is some truth in the forbidden fruit.

What was it your DC 2 was doing?

bunny loving the idea of gaming when old and bed bound... What a great idea!!!

They are 10 and 8. I have often thought myself that the rules may need relaxing and are leading to a more obsessive attitude I think that can happen. My GSs have limited time on xbox at home and there is always trouble, at granny's they can play as much as they like and we have problems and they choose to do other things alot of the time. We all have to work out what works for our circumstances.

Sounds like the problem is more the switch over periods? I think I might say one of them can have it in the morning and the other in the afternoon?

I played way more than 2h a day at the weekends on my sega and N64 (showing my age here!!!)

I did drama class, art classes, horse riding and school/city/county netball and school/city hockey, and we went hiking as a family as well most weekends. I ended up with straight A’s at A level.

Gaming didn’t seem to harm my near term or long term development/achievements.

I don’t think a 2h limit is long enough at all to get into games, especially the modern ones with super involved stories.

I don’t really game at all any more - don’t seem to have the concentration for it. I do still play lots of sport and play at art work (I like it but I’m a bit shit)

Try speaking to someone in the middle of a game - you're likely to get grunts instead of a response as well. It's horrible

What a silly thing to say! Someone in the middle of a game is concentrating super hard and is really involved. Of course then don’t want to break concentration and talk to you.

Gamer here, my daughter is a gamer, her partner is a gamer, their circle of friends include a lot of gamers, it's their hobby. Can't say it's affected her life adversely, she got her degree (IT and game dev) and is socially outgoing. They don't sit in a dark room and not go out for days on end, they have other hobbies too. I'd rather game than watch some of the crap that's on TV. Not so much in the summer as I'm outdoors a lot.

OP I can understand your frustration. Maybe take it away and lay down some ground rules that they have to earn it. Can't imagine that would be easy though. I didn't have that problem as my daughter is an only child.

I'm with Catspaw. When you analyse life it is all pretty pointless with only one inevitable end. Not many of us will be remembered as a Ghandhi or Mother Theresa type. All politicians end in failure and the only certainty for a career belongs to the Royals.
I've tried to install a morale code of living life without causing deliberate harm to others (or the planet) and to be aware that a life well lived can only be judged at the end. Happiness does not depend on material goods and success can be an imposed and false goal. Be kind and rely on yourself.

Time spent on a playstation is time that may have been used scrolling on youtube, mumsnet, phone, facebook, TV, reading, hanging around with mates or staring in a mirror wondering why you don't look like the latest makeupzilla "star". Why is one activity more wasteful than another?

We also found adults playing helped, so having a tournament with uncle or grandfather playing rather than just leaving them to it.

One moreover thing op when dd first got lap top naturally she wanted to spend alot of time on it.

She has set hours in weekend morning on it, up to 12 but any time after that if we are not doing anything else, all hw done then she can earn more time usually increments of half an hour by doing extra stuff.

Eg extra work on times tables or learning new words... Doing workbook... She earned extra time bonus for the most she got right.

That was excellent motivator for her.
She is allowed alot of time compared to her close friends but, she is also prolific reader and can get through a book a day if she wants... Does do other things.. Drawing, knitting etc... Playing a round.. We do quite a bit most weekend so she is out quite a lot and she is top sets at school. So it's fine with me.

Up to 12 lunch time that should be not 12 hours

Well said witch.

Omg it’s like the crazy rantings of an addict. Why can’t you accept anyone else’s experiences or opinion. It sounds like it bothers you because it’s hitting too close to the truth.
2 hours of a hobby is fine but you are suggesting op give unlimited time to her kids to spend on something with no benefit other that it being fun.

2 hours of baking, great. 2 hours of a sport, 2 hour watching a movie, great. 4,6,8,10 hours spent doing anything with kids getting up and rushing straight to it and the parents would be right in questioning if this was a healthy ‘hobby’. Its about balance. The issue is gaming is so all consuming. Kids want to play every day, quite often all day if you let them. I doubt many people do the same when it comes to baking ! Not unless they are through to the great British bake off finals.

I'd say two hours game time is going to make them stressed from the off. It's like saying you have two hours to play this game of Monopoly or complete this jigsaw puzzle - go! It will probably take longer.

I don't game often, but when I do, it's usually going to take over the evening, just as reading a book or watching a boxset might do.

What I would do is tell them to get all their jobs done - cleaning their rooms and doing their homework - and then their leisure time is their own until dinner time.

bunny because your outlook on this is ridiculously warped. Show me on the doll where the Xbox hurt you.

My ds used to mope and throw tantrums about having the iPad taken off him and told to do something else. So I put restrictions on it and it automatically switches off after the time I've set.

Now he realises I'm serious as he's lost it for days on end after tantrums and attitude. I couldn't give a shit if other people think more gaming should be allowed. I see the behavioural changes in him when he's playing too much.

I've told him he can play as much as he wants as an adult, but not while he's a child.

I sympathise. But two hours a day is a very measly amount indeed. If you limit it in this way it's always going to be a bone of contention. And don't sell it. That would be horribly mean.