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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish I had never bought the fucking xbox

283 replies

theduchessstill · 03/02/2018 08:56

I have unplugged the xbox and put it away after another morning of screaming and arguing over it. Ds2 is sobbing in my bed, DS1 is stomping about yelling he hates me and slamming doors and it's totally out of control and I don't know what to do.

They are allowed 2 hours each on the weekend days and get up at the crack of dawn to get on it. They tend to split their turns into segments and, especially in the case of ds2, the in-between bits tend to consist of him whining and checking the time, no matter what I try to interest him in etc.

After several warnings about the whining and arguing resulting in a total ban I have followed through and taken it away, so WW3 has erupted. I know I should have followed through sooner but I am constantly being told by ds1 that I have ruined his life by divorcing and that 'normal' people have far more time on their Xboxes than he does and I do kind of think it's rough on them that they don't have one at their dad's, so that's why I've been reluctant to put it away - it was a Christmas present.

So fed up of looking forward to my weekends with them just for them to erupt in a shitstorm of crying and yelling. I even bought a second telly so they could do different things at different times, but ds2, wh has always loved watching The Voice with me declared it boring this morning and went off to clock-watch. WTF do I do?

OP posts:
Bluedoglead · 03/02/2018 09:22

My mother used to monitor how much I was reading. And get uptight about the books I read. (All the whatserface Collins’s and Jilly Coopers at about 13 as well as some pretentious classics).

She used to grab my books off me and throw them away and tell me to go outside.

Gaming restrictions is the new version of this.

JustVent · 03/02/2018 09:23

And for what it’s worth, my boys have learned to deal with most things better. They fight, they argue, they almost always come to an agreement and resolution (unless they are tired) but the Xbox, there’s no ‘learning to deal with it better.’ It’s way, way beyond that.

I don’t see how you can comment if all you have experienced is calm and order with it.
And one child.

greenbeansqueen · 03/02/2018 09:24

Totally get you - we have a Nintendo and limit time to about the same as you do for yours. I'm a gamer too so I now that when in the middle of something 2 hours doesn't seem enough but if your kids are younger, pre-teen then of course you have to limit their screen time.
Our boys would play all day given the chance, but they need fresh air. They need to read. We watch a family movie ( more screen time) they need to play, and get bored.
Your kids will calm down and then you can talk to them. Personally I would put it away for a flippin month if mine carried on like that. So far they have had some week long bans and i have to say their behaviour improved over all.

Madonnasmum · 03/02/2018 09:25

I think with your restrictions you have made it forbidden fruit.

saladdays66 · 03/02/2018 09:25

Sounds like they’re too young to deal with it. I’d get rid of it and try to get them doing other things. Sounds like hell.

ObiJuanKenobi · 03/02/2018 09:27

We really need to know how old they are

DilysMoon · 03/02/2018 09:27

I would set timers on the actual xbox. I also think 2 hours isn't very much. My 2 play a lot more than that (12&9) although it's not such a novelty for the 12yo any more so he has phases of not playing at all.

They're online playing with friends, they still do their sports and go out to play/bikes, schoolwork and homework all fine so I don't see an issue with gaming.

Original poster
theduchessstill · 03/02/2018 09:28

They are 10 and 8. I have often thought myself that the rules may need relaxing and are leading to a more obsessive attitude to it, but then I remember they get pretty much unlimited time on screens at their dad (though no xbox there) and start to get anxious about the fact that, especially in the case of ds2, they are increasingly unwilling to do anything else and mope around when not on it. Actually, ds1 isn't like that at all...

I just can't seem to find a solution that leads to us all being happy at the weekends. We always have a couple of classes to go to on a Saturday and will be out all day pretty much tomorrow.

OP posts:
TheEagle · 03/02/2018 09:28

TheCatsPaw, you’d hate me then!

How much time do you give your children to use their consoles/tablets etc?

BewareOfDragons · 03/02/2018 09:29

Personally, I say you should stand pretty firm on this.

They are addicting, and some kids have more addictive tendencies than others. I also wouldn't let them go on until all homework and chores were completed. Crappy behaviour over it would lose it for them.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 03/02/2018 09:30

2 hours a in a day seems like loads to me. Comparing it to board games is not a good comparison. Children don’t get the same ‘high’ from other activities. Gaming is a addictive and releases huge amounts of chemicals that can change the chemistry of the brain and result in poor regulation. Look up Dr sigman.

BrownTurkey · 03/02/2018 09:30

Stick to your guns. Don't do any deals. Before you return it, have a proper sit down chat with each separately - I want you to enjoy your games, but I will not have you moaning and arguing, and I also want you to have other interests. That's the contract, take it or leave it. Now, every time I hear one of you whinge or moan or argue over the game time I will take the power lead away, no discussion. If you don't ever choose other interests first, I will re-evaluate if this console is in your best interests and put it away for longer. What I might say is they can have a longer 'go' if playing nicely and cooperatively together on it, say 2.5 hours. And that if it goes well, the time limit can be more flexible in the holidays. I think you are doing a good job.

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:31

Eagle mine is a toddler, but he has SEN so I’m not sure it applies here. But he has apps on a kindle that help him with his speech and we watch a lot of animated films together. He’s akso very good at maths and likes puzzle games.

We do less in the summer because there are more places I can take him outdoors, but in the winter we do a fair bit using screens.

I wonder if upbringing makes a difference here. Like I said my dad is a gamer and I grew up with games, so I see less issues with it than some others.

MyShinyThing · 03/02/2018 09:32

I feel you pain. Depending on their ages I think 2 hours seems reasonable.

DS is 7 & gets an hour each day at the weekend. We never used to have a time limit but he would literally play all day & would moan about having to go to football (which he's always loved!) So now there's a time limit which is occasionally relaxed.

He's already used up his hour for today so he'll probably moan about it later but we'll go out & hell forget about it. I hate it, I didn't want it, DH bought it for Xmas, like you I wish we hadn't got it.

7 is too young to be sitting all day playing computer games, I don't care what anyone says about it not being long enough to get into the game.

EfficiencyDeficiency · 03/02/2018 09:32

Ds is almost 15 and loves his Xbox One.
I hate the bastarding thing!

He only tends to play 2 games on it, FIFA and another one which shall remain nameless.

I don't like the way he dictates his life around it, i.e, I need to be on for 8pm as we're having a match.

His dad bought him his first Xbox when he was I think 8/9. His dad is a gamer. I hate them.
I do believe they can be extremely good in short bursts but can become addictive quite quickly and some of the language I've witnessed is atrocious.

Obviously there are consequences for ds when he oversteps the mark but I just wish we never had one.

lou1221 · 03/02/2018 09:35

My 13 year old can be on his xbox all day if we let him. I normally give him some jobs to do, then he can go on until a set time, prob 4/5 hours. I would let yr boys have their two hours separately, and as one chunk not divided up into segments.

AmberTopaz · 03/02/2018 09:35

Really surprised by all the posters saying 2 hours per child per day (at the weekend) isn’t enough. And that’s on top of TV so it’s not total screen time!

minisoksmakehardwork · 03/02/2018 09:35

I have the same problem. Mine are aged 5/7/9. They have a 2 hour limit set on the x box settings - I think I had to create an account to do it. But it is far easier that the x box tells them when time is up rather than us. They accept that easily and without too much of an argument. The games save so they can pick up where they left off next time. It's not like the old days where you would literally have to play for hours on end to complete the game.

FWIW. We do have 'game screen free' days. Whilst they learn to share and take turns with the x box, we also have the problem that they get very into the games and there are time where this can cause a meltdown from the adhd/asd child.

The break is good for their mental health rather than any screen/vision issues.

LovingLola · 03/02/2018 09:36

*Have you read how these children behaved when the pre agreed time (2 hours PER DAY (not over the entire weekend) was up.

A shit storm of tantrums, crying, slammed doors*

And the OP posted her first post before 9am this morning. Which means the boys have been up since 7am playing XBox. And then sobbing, shouting and screaming when it's turned off.

I would be getting rid of it. End of story.

TheImprobableGirl · 03/02/2018 09:39

Like a pp said i would have other activities that they can ‘earn’ Xbox time. Only have the Xbox available after (eg) 3pm, and have a base time of 1 hour each.

Then have a list of things that will earn more time. Homework done = 30 mins, 30 mins outSide = 20 mins, doing a particular chore = 20 mins, being particularly helpful = 20 mins, reading a book for 20 mins = 30 mins, watching a film together = 1 hr, playing a board game = 30 mins etc.

Then they will still do the things you love and remember that they love them too, but will have the freedom to play all day in the afternoons if they’ve done something constructive with the rest of their time

TheEagle · 03/02/2018 09:39

I’m a teacher and on a Monday some children would say they had spent their entire weekend playing Call of Duty with online friends. This was at the age of 10.

I just think there needs to be a balance between games on a screen and activities with other real humans! Plus outdoor activities etc.

OP, I think you should stick to your guns here. Maybe ask their Dad if he would implement some time limits too so they’re used to it? You can buy some cool-looking timers online if you wanted them to have something visual for them ?

Look it’s hard and mine are still too young to kick up much of a fuss, I don’t know how I’ll navigate the world of consoles!

catspaw, for sure your background will influence your choices. Our house was TV Central, I am a total TV addict but with a full-time job outside the house and 3 dcs aged 4 and under I cannot binge on TV any more Grin

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:40

catspaw, for sure your background will influence your choices. Our house was TV Central, I am a total TV addict but with a full-time job outside the house and 3 dcs aged 4 and under I cannot binge on TV any more

I’m a bit like that with games. I rarely get to spend a day on the Xbox myself! I’ll admit part of me can’t wait until my son wants to play them himself lol so I have an excuse.

3awesomestars · 03/02/2018 09:41

10 and 8 is still quite young. I have two boys 14 and 12 so a bit older but I don’t restrict time really - sometimes I will say enough and the eldest comes off sometime he’s on all day with breaks - all his mates are, in bad weather that’s where they socialise. The 12year old prefers the skate park most of the time.
In the summer they are barely touched the boys are outside all the time with their mates. In the winter they play more x box with their mates - it’s not the solitary activity it used to be, it’s very social now.
New gifts always have a novelty factor, I always find you have to grit your teeth through that period and give some slack, if after three months the novelty hasn’t worn off then reign it in, but generally it has!
You have bought then it and then basically said they can’t play 2 hours in total over a whole weekend is nothing ( 2 hours at a time yes is enough - but have a break go back). What would they be doing instead? If watching tv - what’s the difference?

stickytoffeevodka · 03/02/2018 09:41

I think two hours a day is reasonable but not broken up into little chunks. You can't get anywhere in 15-30 minutes on most video games, and on a lot of them, you need to get to a certain point before you can "save". If you're also making them come off as soon as two hours are up and they can't finish their current game/quest then I'm not surprised they're getting angry.

Is there any reason you don't allow screen time during the week? Four hours a week each is really not a lot - it must be sitting there gathering dust for most of the time.

Restricting their time on games is normal and understandable but I think you need to be careful not to go overboard with it. It's the same as reading a book - you often want to finish the chapter or start the next one to find out what happens!

TheCatsPaws · 03/02/2018 09:43

Also it’s winter, I know I hate the winter and my child doesn’t like it either. You’ll probably find they use it less in the summer!