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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sharing a bed with DS is weird

166 replies

AtSea1979 · 02/02/2018 22:54

DS is 12 (13 is a couple of months) not a toddler. We co slept until he was 5 ish. When he was poorly, scared etc he used to get in my bed. But not for a couple of years. He’s got tonsillitis and is in pain and miserable. He’s just asked to get in my bed and i’ve said no he’s too old. Now I feel a bit sad that i’m the one making it weird. But what do others do? (so as not to drip feed, i’m a single parent)

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 02/02/2018 22:57

Ah no the poor boy, call him back it, he's sick and wants him mum, if it's not weird for him leave him be, he won't do it much longer. Plus if he hasn't done it in years he must be feeling really miserable and needs some tlc

Blondielongie · 02/02/2018 22:57

I don't think it's weird. He's ill and wants a cuddle.

On a side note, I wouldn't want to be that close to someone with tonsilitus though, you might catch it!!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 02/02/2018 22:57

*back in

Userplusnumbers · 02/02/2018 22:57

Given its an unusual request I'd be curious about what's driving it - is he feeling insecure about something? Being bullied etc?

FWIW, I don't actually think it's weird.

Userplusnumbers · 02/02/2018 22:58

Whoops! Need to read properly!

Clearly because he's ill. Poor lad.

Snowysky20009 · 02/02/2018 22:59

He's not well- let him in, he needs you right now and you've rejected him.

Fundays12 · 02/02/2018 23:00

I think he needs his mum as he is sick

Greensleeves · 02/02/2018 23:00

No it's not weird. Enjoy it while it lasts, I appreciate every cuddle I get these days.

My 15yo got heatstroke on holiday and had to fly home with a terrible headache and a temperature. He clung to me like a koala bear throughout the whole flight and wanted me to stroke his hair.

You're his mum, he's feeling poorly and wants your comfort - it's the most natural thing in the world.

OwlBeBack · 02/02/2018 23:00

I still occasionally let my DS who’s 13 co-sleep with me. It’s fine. I’m a single parent too.

Sometimes they just want to be near you. He must be feeling proper poorly.

Ireallylovetea2 · 02/02/2018 23:00

Not at all, you're his mum and he needs a cuddle and some reassurance/comforting if he's feeling crappy.

WildWindsBlowing · 02/02/2018 23:00

If he is at home during the day, you could say he could be in your bed
(on his own). Your bed will feel special and safe for him. If he is very ill, you could sit on the edge of the bed and chat or read to him etc to make him feel even more secure. He could also go on the sofa all cuddled with a quilt and you could be next to him.

I think you are right though about not sleeping together and right to maintain boundaries.

Redwineistasty · 02/02/2018 23:00

I think you’re being mean. Sorry!

My ds is 8 and has co slept full time and on and off. We’re going through a full time phase atm.

I know full well that when he hits his teenage years he’s going to choose to sleep alone, so for your ds to ask to sleep with you surely shows that he is feeling like shit atm?

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 02/02/2018 23:00

I would let him in...

disneydatknee · 02/02/2018 23:01

No, I don’t think it’s weird. He’s feeling poorly and he wants his mum to comfort him. I’m 28 and I still want my mum when I feel rubbish! (Probably wouldn’t climb into bed with her now though).

EduCated · 02/02/2018 23:02

Last time I had tonsillitis I fell asleep cuddle up to my Nan, and that was in my 20s Blush she’s not a touchy feely sort either, but when you’re ill and miserable sometimes you just need a cuddle!

Xeneth88 · 02/02/2018 23:02

Not weird at all. Bless him, poor boy. Go and get him!! My 9yr old sometimes sleeps in with me, if hes having a bad night or is ill. He's my son, why on earth would it be weird?! I gave birth to him and I love him, want him to feel comforted when he needs me

UrsulaPandress · 02/02/2018 23:03

Oh poor lamb.

What on earth is weird about it?

greenlynx · 02/02/2018 23:03

I would sit with him instead holding his hand and probably telling him some sort of story from your or his childhood until he's asleep. He wants you nearby - it's understandable. His temperature could be raising and it might give him strange feelings

surlycurly · 02/02/2018 23:03

It's not weird of him to want to sleep with you, or weird of you to not want to sleep with him. He wants his mum; you don't want a sick 13 yr old in your bed. I don't think it should be made into a bigger issue than that.

Amanduh · 02/02/2018 23:04

It’s not weird.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 02/02/2018 23:08

Aw i’ve just made a brew and caught up with the thread and gone in to get him and he’s snoring away Sad

OP posts:
RaspberryRuffless · 02/02/2018 23:08

My son is almost 13 and will occasionally sleep in my bed, usually if he’s unwell or can’t sleep (I’m a single parent too). It’s not weird at all.

Tiredmum100 · 02/02/2018 23:08

I use to get in to bed with my parents until I was in my teens 🙈 I used to get scared easily. I don't think it's weird, although I'd probably go and get into his bed with him, as I'm sure you'll all sleep better in your own beds. No matter how old he is, he's still your baby and he's ill bless him.

Mousewatch · 02/02/2018 23:08

It's not weird at all. My 12 year old has spent the evening practically sitting on my lap. I'd call him back in for a cuddle.

I'd love to have a big enough bed for all our DC to snuggle in.

JustHereForThePooStories · 02/02/2018 23:09

I had gallbladder problems when I was 19. The night it ruptured, I was in so much pain, I climbed onto bed with my mother.