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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sharing a bed with DS is weird

166 replies

AtSea1979 · 02/02/2018 22:54

DS is 12 (13 is a couple of months) not a toddler. We co slept until he was 5 ish. When he was poorly, scared etc he used to get in my bed. But not for a couple of years. He’s got tonsillitis and is in pain and miserable. He’s just asked to get in my bed and i’ve said no he’s too old. Now I feel a bit sad that i’m the one making it weird. But what do others do? (so as not to drip feed, i’m a single parent)

OP posts:
speakout · 03/02/2018 07:07

No not weird . I shared a bed with my 12 year old son when he had tonsilitis too. When even 12 year olds get sick they seem to revert to being much younger, needing cuddles and reassurance,
I have a 17 yo DD who recently wanted me to sleep with her when she had a fever and feeling lousy.

Hope he gets better

furchesterhotel · 03/02/2018 07:18

Poor boy :(

Gilead · 03/02/2018 07:18

My 21 year old climbs in with me when she's feeling rough.

Koala72 · 03/02/2018 07:19

He’s just asked to get in my bed and i’ve said no he’s too old.
Oh no - let him get in! Get him back!

It's only weird if he feels it's weird, in which case he wouldn't have asked.
There's a danger you've now made it weird when all it was was just a child wanting to be cuddled and feel close.

I know he's a boy, but you're his mum - it's not weird.

kungpopanda · 03/02/2018 07:23

Boy or girl of that age far too old to be brought into parental bed. Boundaries? Yuk

Gilead · 03/02/2018 07:24

Boy or girl of that age far too old to be brought into parental bed. Boundaries? Yuk
Nonsense. Everyone needs a bit of love now and then. Why make something like that so horrid?

badgerread · 03/02/2018 07:25

I'm a single parent with two DS. One is 13. He has nightmares occasionally and jumps in with me. No problem.

justnippingin · 03/02/2018 07:34

Boy or girl of that age far too old to be brought into parental bed. Boundaries? Yuk

What an odd way to think about your child...particularly one that feels the need for security.

Queenofthestress · 03/02/2018 07:38

I'm 23 and still want snuggles on the sofa with my mum when I'm feeling rubbish!

Redwineistasty · 03/02/2018 07:44

Why kung what’s so yuk about it?
Crap argument you’ve given there really!

Notasunnybunny · 03/02/2018 07:48

Yep another one here who wants her mummy sometimes, despite being a grown woman. Dh and I feel really chuffed when ds 13 decides to come for Sunday morning cuddles in our bed just like he used to when he was little. It doesn’t happen often.

TheHungryDonkey · 03/02/2018 07:48

Got my eleven year old here right now. He gets anxious sometimes. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest. There is definitely nothing yuk about being there for children when they need you.

harrietm87 · 03/02/2018 07:48

My mum was very ill a couple of years ago and I slept in her bed for a week after she got out of hospital. I was 29 and I needed her. Think I basically wanted to know she was there, even though she's the one who needed me. You never stop needing your mum.

He's only 12, a child, of course it's fine.

LeonoraFlorence · 03/02/2018 07:50

I don't think it's weird at all. I still got into bed with my mum/my Gran in my teens and older if I was unwell etc. Call bin back, he just wants comfort.

margaritasbythesea · 03/02/2018 07:51

I started reading this out of curiosity but found myself really wanting to hear stories of older DCs popping in for a cuddle.

My DCs very rarely get into bed with me, and then it is just for a few minutes because they have had a nightmare or they are poorly, but I hate the idea that there might come a time when they never do again.

Hope your DS is feeling better this morning OP.

speakout · 03/02/2018 07:55

Sometimes DD and I will share a bed just for the fun of it.
She is 17. If the boys are away then she will often suggest a movie or bingeing on a box set in her bed, with jammies on, snacks, hot chocolate followed by a cosy sleep.
We both love it.

Stella60 · 03/02/2018 07:59

Not at all weird. He needs you. My youngest DS slept in my bed most nights when he was 11-12.

Mrsmadevans · 03/02/2018 08:00

I am so sorry for your poor DS bless him. l so hope he is feeling better very soon. l actually see this as a complete rejection .

Mrsmadevans · 03/02/2018 08:03

My 22 and 23 yr old DDs jump into bed for a cwtch with us both ( and it means nothing sexually )... I guess we are a very loving family Thank God.

Rumpledfaceskin · 03/02/2018 08:06

Yea I don’t get how it’s weird either. We all got into my mums bed up until we were quite old when were ill. And yes we still hop into bed for a chat family wide (aunts, cousins etc).

ShowOfHands · 03/02/2018 08:07

My grandma is 92 now and in a home but until she was 89 she lived with her then 65yo DD who is disabled and has SEN. They very often bed shared after my grandad died and both found it enormously comforting. We do seek proximity when ill or distressed and adolescents need permission to feel vulnerable and comforted. I'm glad he ended up with you op.

yikesanotherbooboo · 03/02/2018 08:14

My DS16 came in last night with a temperature. He just wanted a pat and reassurance and pottered back to his own room after a few minutes. It isn't many months since he came in for the night because he had some worries that were stopping him sleeping.

edibleweirdo · 03/02/2018 08:15

I'm a pretty tough, no-nonsense 'you'll be fine' type of mum i think but i dont see this as weird. 12 is that strange age where you hover between being a child and having to grow up. I'm in my 30s but wanted my mum when i had tonsilitis recently!

Wannabecitygirl · 03/02/2018 08:16

I’m 31 and still want a Mum cuddle when I’m ill!!

Mulberry72 · 03/02/2018 08:19

Not weird at all. My DS is nearly 12 and always sleeps with me when DH is away with work (maybe once every 3 months) and when he’s ill.