To think sharing a bed with DS is weird

[AtSea1979]

DS is 12 (13 is a couple of months) not a toddler. We co slept until he was 5 ish. When he was poorly, scared etc he used to get in my bed. But not for a couple of years. He’s got tonsillitis and is in pain and miserable. He’s just asked to get in my bed and i’ve said no he’s too old. Now I feel a bit sad that i’m the one making it weird. But what do others do? (so as not to drip feed, i’m a single parent)

He’s in my bed now. He was whimpering, not sure if he was awake or not. Maybe he had a fever. I dosed him up when he asked to sleep in my bed so hopefully that’ll bring it down soon.
Thanks for all the replies.

Not weird at all. My 9 year old often has sleepovers in my bed. I hope that lasts a few more years,

I actually agree with your original stance OP. He's approaching puberty and if he were to get an erection whilst he was in bed with you it could be very embarrassing for him. I am NOT suggesting that it would be in any way connected to him being in bed with you, but just a random erection.
It's sad for both of you that he can't get the physical comfort from you that he wants. My grown up DDs still sometimes share a bed with me when they are visiting and it is a happy reminder of their childhoods, but I think you are doing the right thing.

Hope he’s better soon.

Don’t give him a ‘manly’ hug, just give him a hug

Cross post with your last update OP. Sorry.

I wondered why my reaction was different to most posters and what I am reading is that many used to go into their parents beds as ill children. I never ever did. I also only ever do being ill alone.
Until age 10ish mine would all get in with me but in the end I just wanted my own space. If my child was really poorly i would sit in their room with them and settle them but wouldnt fetch them into my room as wouldnt see a need to.

Aww poor thing, good he's gone back to sleep though. But it wouldn't be weird- I think the latest I remember Dbro sleeping in my parents bed was around 12/13 when he wasn't well.

This reminded me of a funny memory. When I was 19 and back from uni for the first time I had swine flu. My mum asked if I wanted to sleep in her bed and was devastated when I croaked no at her. I could barely get up off the sofa I was so unwell, but for some reason, it no longer felt like a comfort either.

I’m sure him being in with you will help him feel ten times better, it’s shit feeling ill.

I sort of get how you feel - I think if you haven't done sleeping together for a while and they grow up so fast, it can feel a bit different.

Tonsillitis is horrid though and makes you feel weak and vunerable - agree with PP have a snuggle tomorrow with some hot drink for the throat.

I had a thread on this subject a few months ago - with my DS it was a short time after he had been attacked in the street and he had nightmares and wanted to sleep in with me. I let him.

My kids were 9and 12 when their dad upped and left out the blue.
Dd (the 9 yo) slept with me for about 4 weeks afterwards.

Ds (12 at the time now 13) still asked every now and again if he could sleep with me. He never gave a reason, just hinted heavily until I suggested it.
He needed the comfort sometime i think.
He had ever co slept even when he was ill but I saw nothing weird about him needing to because to me.

reainmated that’s awful. How old is your DS? Is he ok now?

What the fuck have I just read???? Don't let your sick twelve year old boy into bed "in case" he gets an erection? but it's grand for your daughters because it makes you happy and well they don't have penises so happy days. My flabbergasted is well and truly gasted 😂

Glad you brought him in op, just because he is a boy makes no difference whatsoever to his emotional needs

I wouldnt find that weird at all.

DD is sixteen and currently has glandular fever - I slept with her in her bed last week when she was really ill. Can't see a problem with it.

Ahh, I'm glad he's in with you now, OP. Don't ever feel weird about it - he's your baby.

My ds(13) came into bed with me for a couple of nights, after a recent operation dh got pushed out into ds's bed

nocabbageinmyeye
Wasn’t just me then!

Aw. My DS is 13 in a couple of weeks. He's coughing and bunged up. He just came into bed with me for a snuggle with his old Ma . It's not weird. Him getting an erection didn't even cross my mind .

I don't have boys so perhaps I just don't get it. I just remembered my younger brother being mortified when something similar happened to him. I am sorry if I offended anyone, particularly you OP. You followed your parenting instincts in the end and that is always the best thing.

Heck my 8yr old wakes up with an erection most days
It’s a non issue

I am gobsmacked at the responses on this thread! "maintain boundaries," "if he gets an erection," Jesus! Would it be different responses if it was a daughter? What is wrong with some people? When a child is seeking comfort and reassurance from the most significant person in their life you give them comfort! Makes no difference whether they're 3, 13 or 30! That's your child, your blood! There's not a switch in a child's brain that says "well today you're 12 so if you're ill it's ok to share a bed with mum, but tomorrow when you're 13 it's unacceptable!" Unbelievable! Not directed at you OP.

I don't have boys either, thankfully I do have some common sense, which apparently isn't all that common

I think OP has the right to say no....Mothers don't ALWAYS have to sacrifice their.feelings for their children.

So much of a Mothers life and body is given over to her children that it gets muddy...where is the line if OP isn't comfortable with it?

She CAN say no if she wants. Doesn't make her a bad parent.

They get erections from the time they are babies all the way up. As a mum of boys, you get used to it. It's hardly a reason to not share a bed with your son. What an odd thing to say.