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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sharing a bed with DS is weird

166 replies

AtSea1979 · 02/02/2018 22:54

DS is 12 (13 is a couple of months) not a toddler. We co slept until he was 5 ish. When he was poorly, scared etc he used to get in my bed. But not for a couple of years. He’s got tonsillitis and is in pain and miserable. He’s just asked to get in my bed and i’ve said no he’s too old. Now I feel a bit sad that i’m the one making it weird. But what do others do? (so as not to drip feed, i’m a single parent)

OP posts:
RowenasDiadem · 02/02/2018 23:57

I'll be snuggling up to my babies when they're parents themselves if I have any choice about it! I'd never turn down a snuggle wuggle with my babies no matter how old.

Wauden · 03/02/2018 00:03

cuddles teddy

DressAndGo · 03/02/2018 00:04

Willies and erections are just a normal part of life with boys. It means nothing - they get them from babyhood.

What a silly reaction, but of course, girls are different Hmm

TheBrilliantMistake · 03/02/2018 00:05

If he's 12 and asking for you, he really needs a cuddle. That's the boy in him needing his mum.
There's nothing more to be said.

C8H10N4O2 · 03/02/2018 00:06

Sick people whether children or no sometimes just want a close person.

Mine came to me or me to them when they were ill or needing cuddles on odd occasions as teens and young adults. Its just human nature to want someone close when we feel vulnerable. I wouldn't bat an eyelid, let alone worry about it.

Primarkismyonlyoption · 03/02/2018 00:12

^^ see i dont want that when ill. I find a deep place i go to inside me.
I do offer comfort in hugs, drinks, pillows water bottles. Tv and a comic with some throat sweets. But after years of toddlers and ill kids my bed is for me. Doesnt make me cold and they know thet are lived.

MrsDilber · 03/02/2018 00:13

It's not strange, it's fine.

StillMedusa · 03/02/2018 00:19

My DD2 slept with me for a week when her first serious boyfriend dumped her... she needed Mum to cuddle her while she sobbed .

My various ,now adult, kids think nothing of crawling in between me and DH in the morning for a cuddle when they are home...I didn't realise this was odd!

However the last time my DS1 slept in my bed WAS funny... he was 21 and his mate couldn't get home (rural) so he offered his bed up for the night and knowing DH was away, got in mine. I had no idea and it was quite a shock to wake and find a shock of blonde hair on the pillow next to me (DH is bald :D ) He just rolled over and said 'Morning Mum... I lent my bed out!' Grin

Sometimes we just need comfort and there is nothing wrong with that.

Flappyears · 03/02/2018 00:19

It certainly isn’t weird. He just wanted a cuddle. My nearly fourteen year old often likes a cuddle at bed time. He’s also very independent and confident.

When he doesn’t need one any more it’ll just happen naturally. But I’ll always be happy to cuddle him when he’s unwell if that’s what he needs. My mum wasn’t the cuddly type, and I’ve always felt like I missed out a bit.

southboundagain · 03/02/2018 00:34

"My mum wasn’t the cuddly type, and I’ve always felt like I missed out a bit."

Same. I find it really weird that they're now cuddly when they see me and wish they'd started a bit earlier with that! I remember one of my friends saying to me as a teenager "so has your dad ever actually hugged you before?"

Absofrigginlootly · 03/02/2018 00:50

WTf is a "manly hug" ?! Hmm

Is that a British stiff upper lip slap in the back maintaining as little physical contact as possible??

Or just, hug a very poorly 12 year old child (who happens to be male) who wants his mum!!

Honestly, and people wonder why/how men are socialized to lack empathy and emotional awareness.... it's s**t like that!!

BeagleBurger · 03/02/2018 00:57

I'm 39 and sometimes I get into my Dm (60) bed or grandmother (aged 87) bed. He's your child and needs you. Get him back in. He's never too old. If he feels he can come to you for small stuff he will feel.he can come to you for the big stuff too. This is foundation for trust.

TheBrilliantMistake · 03/02/2018 01:00

lol Beagle

Willow2017 · 03/02/2018 01:20

Glad to hear he is snyggled up with you op.
Course its not weird. He is your baby and needs his mum. My tween often comes through in middle of night. He has done for years since his dad left. Its no big deal and nice to get a cuddle in the morning.

Some of the posts on here are frankly weird though!

ohthelights · 03/02/2018 01:28

Between the ages of 19 - 27, I slept in my mum's bed numerous times when my depression was bad. Even though I had a house of my own! I stayed with her specifically because I couldn't bear going to sleep and waking up on my own.

ohfourfoxache · 03/02/2018 01:29

I needed a big cuddle from my mum today. Feeling pretty low and crappy.

I’m 35 tomorrow.

bridgetoc · 03/02/2018 01:29

I'm giving this thread the Biscuit........

HoppingPavlova · 03/02/2018 01:41

One of my teens still hops into my bed a few times a week. When they were young it was every day, so hoping by the time they are 20 (not that far away) it will be down to zero Grin

DogsDoodahs · 03/02/2018 01:43

Mine are 14 and 15 and still sometimes hop in with me - not all night but for a ten minute cuddle. It’s lovely.
If they were ill I’d definitely be letting them kip in with me.

Darcychu · 03/02/2018 01:52

I shared a bed with my mum until i was 16 ( both female) just because when i was lonely or sad mummy cuddles were the best! i'm 24 now living with my parents and my partner and i STILL get into bed with my mum for a cuddle sometimes or for a chat.

Grunkle · 03/02/2018 01:55

Some revolting comments on here.

And yet on this very board you'll see women complain that their dhs are emotionally absent, unsupportive etc...

Those dhs were boys once. And at least some of them, apparently, had comfort withheld from them simply because of their gender...

What a sad sad world for a little boy.

Op I'm glad you went to get him. My own DS will be welcome to sleep in with me until the day I die. He will always be my baby.

MermaidHead · 03/02/2018 02:10

Never question a cuddle from a child. Enjoy the cuddles with your DS..life is too short. The day will come when cuddles are not so forthcoming 😢

Lashalicious · 03/02/2018 02:34

I would never reject my ds when he needed a cuddle or to sleep in at times. Your son needs you! He is still a child. I’m glad you got him in with you, aww I’m sure he feels much better knowing he’s close to his mom. Kiss him on the forehead and pet his hair. As others said, he will always be your baby and enjoy the cuddles and him needing you now. There will come a time when you will look back and miss this time you are having right at this moment.

Dontcontactmeagain · 03/02/2018 07:01

I have never read anything so stupid! Not you op. Some pp's. Boys have erections from since babyhood! As their mother you dont notice! And if it did happen to him he is hardly going to announce it to his mum and she is not going to mention it anyway! It would go away very quickly and happens to most boys/men when they are asleep and is a good thing! His body is working fine! Poor boys get a rough time about being mummys boys etc and this is why! Let boys have the closeness with their mum! Im always left aghast when women complain that their dps or dhs are too close to their mum etc. Why shouldnt they be? A guy who is lovely to their mum will probably be lovely to their partner!

Give your lad some lovely cuddles OP! He is never too old!

Dontcontactmeagain · 03/02/2018 07:02

I agree with gunkle! My dh was very close to his dm and still is and i think that is 100% why he is so good with me!