Taking partners foreign surname

[AmIBeingCrazee]

Hi all,

Just something I’ve been thinking about lately. I’m a white woman in the UK with an Irish surname. My DP and I have talked about marriage in the future over the past year and it’s made me think. He has a common Asian surname as he is Vietnamese. Think ‘wong’ ‘chang’ ‘nguyen’.

Is it silly to think about in the future if people see my name written down before they see me in person, they would think I’m completely different from what appears by my name. For example my race, which could affect job applications and such.

In my first job my managers name was Ms Ngenda and I was very surprised to see her in person upon meeting as a white lady. Just goes to show preconceived impressions.

Anyone else had a similar experience taking a foreign surname ?

I suppose you could always stop making instant and pointless judgements based on a person’s name?

Wouldn't they just assume it's from marriage if you don't appear to be Asian? Are you going to use Ms or Mrs? I took my other half's foreign surname and the only annoying thing is having to spell it all the bloody time. People do always comment or ask oh where's that from etc. So if that would annoy you then that's something to think about.

I’m just thinking about how I’ve heard people who process job applications if they judge a Name it can go straight in the bin.

I’m not racist or prejudiced. I just know there are people who are. I’d still take his name

Your race shouldn’t affect your jon applications in the UK.

It does happen. My husband is Spanish descent and has a surname also very common on Portuguese families.

So I hen I was pregnant with dd2 I was asked if I needed a translator at maternity unit before I even opened my mouth.

I have been told I’m quite posh sounding so just replied ‘no I think I will be okay. But thank you anyway’

The woman looked very surprised

Getting much more common for people to have surnames that don’t reflect their visible ethnic heritage, as there are more mixed marriages and more complicated family structures.

Tbh yes I suppose I’d be expecting somebody Asian if I saw an Asian surname, but I wouldn’t form any preconceived ideas about them based on that. Wouldn’t be more than a momentary “oh, must be a married name” moment on meeting you, which I don’t think is a big deal.

I use my dhs foreign surname for the nhs, they always look at any Asian women that are there and some look surprised/double check it's me when I stand up.
I find it quite funny. It does happen though so I suppose it depends if it would bother you or not.

well you wouldn't want to work for a racist company anyway take his name

Personally, I wouldn't want to work for an organisation that rejected people on the grounds of their race in any case, so that hasn't ever been a concern for me.

I do have an Asian surname through marriage - I disliked my maiden name and preferred DH's. I rather like the fact that people can't quite place me. And I can have whatever email address I like because I appear to be the only person with my particular combination of names!

Right ok

Be prepared for confused faces, being asked for confirmation that you are legal and entitled to maternity services and that you are the parent of your children. Oh and mini experiment of my own showed that English surname equalled more interviews with private companies and foreign equals more with public eg local councils etc And I have spell mine all the time and pronounce it. It was not my choice - ho said it was needed as proof - and I’m seriously thinking of changing back.

I know it’s silly but I also know that it does happen and I need to be prepared for it. Actually considering I may have to double barrel

It totally does affect things like job applications still including in the UK. Maybe not everywhere but definitely some places.

My old employer (gov department) tried name blind recruiting to see if it increased BME recruitment and in our case it didn't, turned out we weren't racist in the first place (or we saved it til interview). But it's still a live issue.

So it just depends whether you'd rather have his name or risk this. Of course you could keep your own name professionally.

I had the reverse - my maiden name got me searched a lot at airports. When I changed to my mother's maiden name it got a lot better.

Both my surname and first name are non-English. I do sometimes find that people are surprised that I am a white woman with a Northern English accent. For me, the main downside is having to always spell out both names.

I found it interesting that amongst a group of friends, there were 4 of us with unusual names. Myself and my flatmate were the only ones who were ever asked about our names, it seemed to be as we were white, where as 2 friends (as British as me) were never asked, presumably because they were not white. Some sort of inverse racism going on there?

I have a foreign surname through marriage. No one ever has the foggiest where it's from (it's unusual even in its country of origin) but it's often assumed to be Asian. It isn't.

I don't think it has ever been even remotely detrimental to me. "Mrs Surname" is obviously my married name, but DH is white with posh English accent, so that may be confusing for some.

MIL does believe she was badly treated on an American airline because of the name... until they met her in the flesh whereat they apologised and fixed things. She said they must have assumed she wasn't white

Anyway, if you do happen to apply for jobs with racist or discriminatory employers, you're better off working somewhere else anyway.

I know of a doctor with her sri Lankan husband's name - she's a red headed scot so it is a slight surprise when you meet her but no more than that.

My friend has an Indian surname and her DH and her have had 2 very white blonde haired blue eyed kids. When she was in hospital a nurse came into her curtained cubicle, looked at her, apologised saying wrong cubicle and then came back. It's even worse as she is Dr rather than Mrs.

It's an interesting preconception that someone with a Vietnamese surname would be treated unfairly during job applications. Has this been your DP's experience at all?

I have a very common Vietnamese surname and am in a professional field in the City. Haven't felt disadvantaged in any way (to my knowledge!) but perhaps you are in an industry where this is a concern. CVs generally reflect background, e.g. language knowledge because you've been in the country for so long.

I agree that names do give you a rough idea of the person you would expect to meet. But I think it's always good to mess with preconceptions too!

I took my husband's name which is a common Asian name. I don't think I've had anyone treat me different because of it. Certainly no one has pointed it out or drawn attention to it by asking about it the way that they did with my maiden name every. single. time.

Can he take your name? Or you keep your name? Or double barrel? Why does the woman have to drop her surname? Is her name not important?

@Allthebestnamesareused my ds is blonde haired & blue eyed like me although he does have a slightly sallow skin tone so when he was born we couldn't figure out if he had jaundice or not 😆

Your race shouldn’t affect your jon applications in the UK.

They’ve tested this and proved that it does. I can’t remember th finer details but they sent identical CVs with different names and the foreign names were rejected far more often.

It does happen. How about double barrel formally and DH surname on a daily basis, so Crazee Stirling-Nguyen on your CV and Crazee Nguyen as your email once you've got the job?

Your race shouldn’t affect your jon applications in the UK

...but frequently does.

I didn’t take DH’s surname because it (like he) is Russian and the thought of being Mrs Lebedeva when I don’t speak two words of Russian, felt a bit silly.

Why would you take a man's name anyway. Surely this is beginning to be outdated.

Agree I'd keep your own name anyway!