To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

The most off putting thing ever wasn't talking it was music.We were Being Spontaneous in the middle of the day with the radio on, and a really stupid piece of music came in at the same tempo and we both got the giggles.

6079SmithW Fortunatley, the story didn’t last for the entire shag. He basically started telling a story, he hadn’t even entered me at this point, this was my warm up I guess. While leaning over me to get on top he was slowly saying, “once upon a time, there was a man...” and how he met this girl etc said in the style of a fairy tale. He was weird as fuck, but a good shag and right laugh.

I fear I may have disappointed with the story lol

“I’ve got to get out, I’m weeing”

Some of these have me almost (weak muscles) peeing myself lol. 2 become 1 is brilliant. 😂

'I can't believe a baby fitted out of here' wtf?!
Unsurprisingly I was out the door within 10 minutes and never saw him again.

UpstartCrow my best friend was once put off from a shag by the Muppets theme tune popping up on her stereo

I don't have anything to add but if you haven't seen the scene from Alan Partridge where he has sex, it's hilarious and worth looking up.

'Let battle commence!'

My sister told me this corker just the other day:

We were going at it hammer and tongs and he said "by the way, did I tell you that I pooed a tapeworm yesterday!!!!"

gillybombilly Why, why, why would that be the first thing that comes into your head?

is it in yet

"you remind me of my sister"

‘I think I’ve shit myself.’ He had shit himself.

Oh no! Amazing! But terrible!

One ex was quite partial to oral and announced his intentions by saying, ‘I’m going to drink from your hairy cup.’

Ex.

(A long time ago as a student, quite drunk)

"Are you falling asleep?"

TBF I may have been, it was crap sex.....

"You've got massive boobs....just like my Mum"

I hasten to add this was from a 28 year old man, I'm not shagging schoolboys.

(sick, not jealous)

Oh and different man...in his early 40s and plenty of sexual experience, actually a Director of a reasonably well known clothing/footwear brand.

"I just need to feel your hand on my willy"

WILLY

Who says that after about age 11?
It made me feel queasy.

I’ve told this before and it’s still makes cringe.
We were in the middle of doing it and he said, oh baby hear that juice.....
Just arghhhhh, I went home and was so mortified describing it to my flatmates I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.
It turned into a bizarre game of charades where they’d guessed as much as Hear that..
I was desperately squeezing a lemon to try and convey juice. Many guesses followed such as hear that zing.
Eventually they got it and I sat covering my beetroot embarrassed face as they roared and laughed.

"If we order a pizza now it will be here just after we finish".

We became suddenly aware of our 2 year old standing by the bed saying "Hello it's me again".
This was 25 years ago and that phrase still reduces us to giggles

Christmassy spunk... I really want to know if that works. So festive.

I'm howling, this are brilliant.

I was DTD (or trying to) with a bloke from the uni accommodation block across the courtyard from my flat, we knew each other from "block parties" (that particular "block" of four accommodation buildings formed a square around a courtyard) and various booze-ups. Had a booty call type thing with him while we were both fairly pissed.

He had "whiskey dick" - for those blissfully unaware it's essentially alcohol-related impotence so PHONED HIS FRIEND FOR ADVICE mid manual-stimulation as it were.

I am ashamed to say I remained while he rummaged around to find a cock ring which helped enough to allow penetrative sex. When we finished off, he said "Cheers babe, sorry about the dick" and went to sleep. I went home and showered.

years ago my friends were DTD when their dog appeared and started licking the guys face enthusiastically. He shot his hand out, meaning to grab the dog but ended up hitting my friend in the side of the head and knocking her out cold!!

"Your mum is really hot" : result - kicked out of the hotel room and into oblivion

"I'm going to present you with my head like a perfectly peeled plum for you to lick and suck with delectation": result - mortally offended as a result of my hysterical laughter

"If I'd known we were going to shag, I'd have made sure I had a wank first so I'd have lasted longer" : result - summary ejection and no return fixture. Ever.

Coitus interruptus is clearly my specialty

I offer up something here from the other side of the spectrum. Shagging a very sexy fireman with washboard abs, fit as - NO noise at all, not a single word, noise, sound, groan, moan, nothing! Just lay there with his gob half open and his eyes closed. They say silence is golden (and in some of these examples I would certainly agree), but it can also be a right turn-off!

Oh sorry, when OLD about 5 years ago (how these memories linger!) I was having sex with this guy and he came really really really quickly. He blamed it on the fact he'd been at a conference the previous day!