To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

Me:Oh ya bastard!
DP:What's wrong, have I hurt you?
Me:No,I just leaned on my nipple.

not said but one ex promised he had something special on...

he took off his trousers and there was a bright green satin g-string

Another ex liked to shout "get my big dick right inside you, right inside, right inside."

It wasn't big at all... barely touched the sides.

"I wonder of Ronnie won the snooker".. I couldn't have give a fuck if I'd won the snooker at that point...

"I've got to get out - I'm weeing"

Best one I've read so far 😂😂

"I want you to be like my mummy."
Why oh why did that not make me run for the hills?
Another:
"Come on you whore do something" That was just horrible. He was a very weird older virgin. What was i thinking?
One particularly seedy holiday shag (on entry) many, many years ago. "Well if you was a virgin, you ain't now!"

Something like "what will we have for dinner chicken or pizza?"

I told him to shut up and fuck me. He was so nervous.

Not during, but just after, DH will often go for a post coital pee and while I'm waiting my turn I'll check my phone for the time, any messages etc. He used to come back into the bedroom and say, every time without fail, "Oh, telling everybody about it on Facebook, are you?" So I started shouting across to the bathroom while he was in there, "How do you spell engorged?" and "How many s's in missionary?" That kind of thing.

He doesn't make the Facebook comment any more.

He asked me, has anyone ever vomited on you when you were making out? I once did... oh, well so glad you told me that!

My ex, who was otherwise lovely but did tend to get a bit overexcited in the heat of the moment, once called me a "fat slut" while we were DTD. I cried. He couldn't stop apologising. Sex finished there for the night

Balaboo yuk!

Imthemary Jesus that was an error of judgement!

crying at I want you to be like my Mummy.

The mind boggles

Hate it when Im asked if am I enjoying it...its so creepy and off putting and a bit needy. Or the classic "would you like me to..." as in would you like me to go down on you now... What is the expected reply o yes please thank you very much that would be lovely.... Go with the fucking flow no play by play and spontaneity is key.

don't think its in the league of funniness of some of these, but a brief fling used to say "I'm with you all the way, baby" I always stifled a laugh ,it was sooo cringey...

On a far too regular basis "Oh bloody hell, the cat's got a mouse/bird/trying to climb out the window"

two become one

Actually made me snort with laughter, 🤣

"Your eyes look very young tonight. Worryingly young actually, you look about 12."

That was a passion killer.

"Hello it's me again"

I can't feel it..

These are hilarious 😂
I only have a couple of pathetic offerings which spring to mind: one man suddenly stopped to anxiously enquire, 'does my dick remind you of a prawn?'

And there was a strange scenario with someone else who finished very, very early and immediately tried to cover up that fact by gasping that he had 'cramp in my leg, ow ow ow arghhh cramp!' it was a dramatic performance but I don't know why he bothered as it was, er, evident what had happened.

Would you like me to stick this cucumber up you? Erm, no.

I once got asked to 'suck it like a lollipop' which just made my vagina shrivel away to nothingness

Wait there, I'm just going for a shit.

'My ex used to like loads of lube, shall I put more on' whilst inside me...

DoinItForTheKids I’ve experienced exactly the same. Then he would fall asleep on me while still inside and I was too awkward to wake him to get off.