To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

When DH and I were first together he seemed to think he had to go rather overboard with the foreplay and it used to get - um- boring. I could not figure out a way to nicely tell him to just get on with it. So finally one session I sort of poked him on the arm and said;

'Up you hop, cowboy'.

I'm really not sure why.

Major passion killer- mainly because we both pissed ourselves laughing.

15 years on, and it's become an in-joke.

1.The little fellas like me...big head normal body

1. Scream bitch scream
2. You prostitute keep going. Whore. Slag.

As these got progressively worse i am now celibate. The last one was my husband.

Not something said specifically but when we were living with DP's parents, his mum walked in without knocking while we were dtd.
She started a conversation, made a joke about the situation and then offered us popcorn. So awkward. Really didn't need to happen.

Tbh id feel weird doing it in someobe else's house while they were there

moon did you accept the popcorn?

While we though my in laws were out we DTD naked on the sofa, they arrived ahead of schedule standing at the window. I had dismounted shall we say second earlier. We opened the door at which point father in law offered me a brandy and ham sandwich asking if the evening had gone well. I was shaking like a leaf. Another time my mom came to visit, we had a night of passion on the carpet the night before. She asked if we had a slug problem as there was a silvery white trail glistening on our carpet. Ummm no we didn't have slugs just excited hubby! Wonder how I was ever born really!!

Pmsl at FIL Tor

at your husband Primark

I've only managed to read page 1 and I sound like Muttley! Bloody hilarious!

Not mine, but overheard. Age 15, camping at one of the big festivals, my tent backed onto the tent of a girl who was a mate of a mate. While sitting in my tent, it became clear that the girl in question was "entertaining" several people in her tent. There were three of us in my tent busting a gut trying to stay quiet, when she delivered the line, "Oh yeah, fuck me like your mamma."

Yeah, radio silence didn't hold after that.

And while living in houseshare, during a houseparty two of the guests got a bit randy in the bathroom (there was a muddy cockprint in the bath afterwards, don't ask, I have no idea.) There was a queue for the loo that all heard him going, through the door, "Ah, ah, ah, ah (beat) I'm sorry!" Oh, it loses so much not being able to hear the voice he said it in, a really high, childlike voice, like he'd just stood on her hamster or something.

Not me, but told to me by a friend about her friends' experience. It was in the early-mid 80s, which gives a context for the what the man said.

FOAF's first shag/date with self-regarding muso: "Go down on me, woman." She didn't.

'Yeah baby, ride me like Seabiscuit' I think that's my favourite so far.

An ex shouted 'Oh fuck....' then stopped looked in my eyes and in the most pathetic grovelling voice said 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to swear in front of a lady'

right in full swing of it he looked up at the window and said 'Oh its started getting light earlier now hasnt it? It must be nearly spring what do you think?'

Also heard a story from my friend about her getting really drunk and initiating sex with a guy by turning on her front and yelling 'Just chuck it in bro!!!' which apparently did not go down well with him.

1 guy told me after 6 months of dating how he had sex in chicken blood with an ex just after we dtd. I escaped sharpish once he fell asleep and never went back.

Another told me "if only you were black". I was never going to pull that one off as a white woman. Put me right off.

During a one night stand, had kept my bra on and he said "show me your boobies".
It sounded so juvenile that I was immediately turned off and stopped.

Outing because I tell this story a lot: When I was 18 my then-boyfriend told me that “it was great my Dad was dead, because there was nobody to stop him having sex with me”.

Wrong on every level.

Christ you could fit a jumbo jet in here

An FB would lose erection mid way and shout really loud "I'm gonna be sick" then fly off me and face plant the bed

Another 1, mid way through - captain nemo isn't working right now

I'm sure there's loads more that are worse than that but my mind has went blank

Adora I know. My only serious relationship. I thought it was normal

years ago at exp house and thought his mum was out...well we completely stripped down naked and started dtd on his bedroom floor. Moments later his mum just flung the door open to ask if we wanted anything. Was sooooo embarrassing! When the oh went downstairs he tried explaining that we were just getting changed and I had decided to teach him some floor dance moves..can’t see her buying that somehow!

Fengshui 😄 That’s quite literally an “in” joke, isn’t it?

All these blokes who start talking about random shit mid shag- are they trying to delay their orgasm? And why oh why do men think they need to go on for hours? I had an ex that used to delay and delay so he could make sex last 45mins. I did NOT want to be shagged for 45mins!

Pickle i know. Going on forever. Ive had enough after 10 mins. My ex used to keep waking me up all night. Was dire.

One ex just came out and asked “can I f**k you in your pooper please” oh yes I’m going to agree to that because you asked so nicely....not!! Also had “oh baby ride me like a pony” like from American Pie. Both pissed ourselves laughing after that one!

I am counting myself very lucky. There are some weird blokes out there!