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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

400 replies

6079SmithW · 01/02/2018 14:05

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

OP posts:
fussychica · 01/02/2018 17:38

When threads like this come up I always see Jane Fonda in Klute having sex and looking at her watch over his shoulder and sounding really bored but saying "My angel! my angel!" to her customer.

Also when I read threads like this I know why I've never got a dogGrin

alfagirl73 · 01/02/2018 17:55

"Oh I'm sorry!!!" - not said by him.... but the housekeeping lady at the hotel we were at who just walked in on us DTD!

isthismummy · 01/02/2018 18:01

"I really love you Sarah"

My name isn't Sarah...

DamnItPatrice · 01/02/2018 18:24

@6079SmithW - I have no idea, I never saw him again!

Iheartdogs · 01/02/2018 18:43

A brief and regrettable affair with a man who could only climax when I gave him a hand job.

One of the various "instructions" he proffered during the proceedings was...

"Slowly, slowly, catchee monkey".

DontPullThatTubeOut · 01/02/2018 19:09

I got told a story during sex once...

VelvetSpoon · 01/02/2018 19:26

This will out me but...

My first serious relationship (early 20s, I was a late starter) was with someone almost double my age. Despite this and describing himself as 'a skilled, caring and considerate lover' Hmm he wasn't the whole thing was awful. He used to give me a running commentary of what he was doing, like a dentist would with a nervous patient, ie

'In a moment I'm going to enter you, and then in a short while I'll withdraw to put on a condom.'

He was into tantric sex which translated as banging away for what felt like hours without conclusion. It was and remains the dullest sexual experience of my life.

Florallee · 01/02/2018 19:46

"come on, don't be shy...sit on my big fat juicy cock" Hmm

FairiesVsPixies · 01/02/2018 19:49

Juicy? Ewww Grin

ManyFloralBlouses · 01/02/2018 19:57

This thread is brilliant
2 become 1 cringe! 😂

SmilesTheCat · 01/02/2018 19:58

.

SmilesTheCat · 01/02/2018 19:58

I asked him if he preferred my boobs or my bum and he said:

"I don't think of you as a collection of body parts, I just think of you as a whole/hole"
It was hilarious.

He also once said "Big man come in big bird" which was actually something to do with aeroplanes/pidgin English but in context (we were DTD) was also funny...

Another time his dad rang and he looked at me and whilst actually inside me said "Should I get that?" Grin

And another time he came for a second time and, having never experienced it before, thought he was weeing "I've got to get out - I'm weeing!"
Also fucking hilarious and I still mock him about Every. Single. One.

DontPullThatTubeOut · 01/02/2018 20:06

One guy actually answerd his phone, to his dad while inside me and proceeded to have a conversation.

toffee1000 · 01/02/2018 20:06

To whoever asked: Penetration Man is in Classics.
I don’t have a contribution to the thread...

Original poster
6079SmithW · 01/02/2018 20:09

Yuck yuck yuck @Florallee

@DontPullThatTubeOut you know you have to share the story now .. (I hope for your sake it was a long story Grin)

OP posts:
robertaplumkin · 01/02/2018 20:11

something like "eurgh I'm going to explode inside you". very quiet, softly spoken guy too. one of my very, very few one night stands. vom.

FayJay · 01/02/2018 20:12

Ex and I once had a row while we were doing it. Can’t remember what it was about or how it started but anyway we had to stop because he was pissing me right off.

Mind you, on another occasion he tried say something to me during sex only for me to snap that I was trying to pretend he was Tom Hardy and he was ruining it. Blush

So I probably deserve a place on this thread. Shockingly we’re no longer together.

robertaplumkin · 01/02/2018 20:12

my DH likes to ask me if i'm going to cum again?! no idea who the fuck he was shagging before me but he obviously should have hung on to the haver of multiples and leave me and my poor sore puss out of it Hmm

Llanali · 01/02/2018 20:15

“Do that again, my wife doesn’t do that”

Errr..... your wife?!!!!

DextroDependant · 01/02/2018 20:16

Who's the master?

He was actually my boss and a horrible person but fit and a bloody good shag. Just wish my 16 year old self had the confidence to tell him to shut up.

ShinyMe · 01/02/2018 20:19

A bloke once answered a phone call FROM HIS EX WIFE while we were DTD.

Luckycatsplat · 01/02/2018 20:22

Was that the mousetrap going off?

RainbowGlitterFairy · 01/02/2018 20:22

'swallow my Christmassy spunk'
Obviously I stopped and asked him what made it Christmassy, apparently he had been adding cinnamon to his coffee for weeks so it would taste like Christmas, I have no idea if that actually works, he got stroppy when I started laughing (because how dare I not appreciate his gift to me) and it rather killed the mood but same guy also once told me that eating a lot of meat makes it taste bad.

Imnotposhjustquaint · 01/02/2018 20:23

‘I think I’ve shit myself.’ He had shit himself.

Luckycatsplat · 01/02/2018 20:25

Rainbowglitterfairy! That's hilarious!

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