To ask the worst thing that's been said to you whilst DTD?

[6079SmithW]

I have been inspired by the highly entertaining responses to my original AIBU? thread!

AIBU to ask what's the worst thing that's ever been said to you whilst DTD?

Not whilst dtd but I was 16 in a beer garden with a lad a few years older kissing. Out nowhere he says "mmm we should get you naked. Mmm yeah take your top off". Needless to say that didn't happen and I didn't see him again!

I've had that he answered the phone to his sister and started to chat, pushed him off me!

Exh while dtd on the sofa do as not to wake dd up
Oh Christ and jeez I need a crap.

Bastard

This will out me to anyone who knows me but I guy I had been dating a while told me that when I'm on top and come I wave myself around like Stevie Wonder.

Im now going to pull your wet lips apart and push myself deep inside you... he had a teeny one it barely touched the sides... it used to give me the heeby jeebies when he said it.

Asked me if I wanted to do the "Poo Box" - translated from "on fait la Boite a Caca?" in French and it was not remotely sexy!

Oh my god I am howling at the dog voiceover!!!

Cocolepew

DH, is that you?

DH decided to be spontaneous on the sofa one afternoon, whipped my knickers off and went down on me. However he hadn't put the dog out the room beforehand, so he snuck underneath me and tried to join in

I can barely look the dirty little beast in the eye three years later! < NOT ENVY

From XH:

'We should do this more often, it really is the most enormous fun.'

Yeah, maybe for you mate. See ya.

The dog narrating is brilliant. 😂😂

Not during but just after. Lying on top of dp, both of us exhausted, he has his eyes shut and I just said 'are you dead?' like the cat in The Smurfs movie.

DH starting laughing so had to tell me why - it was the episode of Benidorm we had just watched, the one with Madge having 'Beef Curtains' for her dinner, said it just popped into his head! That was it we were both laughing and could not finish. Now we don't watch comedy before DTD

I knew these would be good though

@DamnItPatrice that is just strange (did he have form for that kind of thing?) and

@StoatofDisarray that's just grim. I can't get 'cum bogies' out of my head now (not envy)

Worst was my ex (just one of the many reasons he's an ex) with me on top, him playing with my nipples and he says "Why don't you get your nipples pierced like (his ex girfriends name) " Something of a mood killer really...
Only slightly better, same bloke "(His ex girlfriends name) wouldn't take her top off having sex because she was embarrassed about having small tits and she had much bigger tits than you"

Yes, said whilst dtd.
What a tosser he was

I'm so sorry for sharing the cum bogies thing. Damn, I did it again.

Slightly off-topic but it reminded me of another memorable moment when this guy was down there giving me oral. It was all going well, I thought, but then he suddenly stopped, and when I looked down to see why he had stopped, he just grinned and winked, with the head tilt and everything. Then he put his head back down and carried on. That was a passion killer.

OMG - I'm crying with laughter!

For me - years ago with a date: "....does that fill you up"? Ewwwwwww - makes me cringe even now thinking about it. Horrible.

"you feel like a sexy pillow"
Different person: "why aren't you screaming yet?"

Me and DH were having a brilliant weekend. You know one of those weekends where it's like one amazing thing after another? When were doing one amazing thing one of us would look at the other and name the next brilliant activity by saying "Next up....[insert name of next brilliant thing]"

Middle of fantastic sex DH looked me dead in the eyes and went "Next up... kebab".

Then we both started daydreaming about what we were going to order from the takeaway and the magic kind of just seeped away. IIRC DH lost his hard-on and we just went downstairs and drank wine instead

Where's the thread about "penetration" man? Surely that's got to be one of the worst

When his best mate walked in the room, clocked what we were doing and instead of walking out goes on to ask my the bf if he was going to the pub later!!

I seem to remember on a similar thread years ago one mumsnetter whilst giving a blowjob was told "drink from my fountain" Still makes me giggle.
Also google Greg Davis romance on graham norton- really funny story

Not me personally but a friend of mine had just started doing the deed and he said ‘can you feel it yet’ 😂😂😂😂😂

A newish boyfriend whispered "two become one" when wed just started shagging. Turned my stomach.

We both orgasmed... Pant...silence

He farted

Truth!! But soooo funny 😂 😂 😂